Then Sings My Soul

Smooth Cake Frosting

2012-01-30T06:34:00.001-06:00

Usually when I throw a birthday party, I end up posting some sort of cake tutorial. I thought I'd post how to get smooth frosting, especially on a tall layer cake like the rainbow cake I made for Amelia's birthday.

The first trick is to crumb-coat your cake. You do this by spreading a very thin layer of frosting (use your normal buttercream recipe, but add a little more liquid than normal to make it just a tad thinner) over the whole cake (make sure your cake is COMPLETELY cool first!). Don't worry if you get a bunch of crumbs in the frosting - that's the point of the crumb coat.

Let the crumb coat dry - I baked, assembled, and crumb-coated Amelia's cake the night before and then stuck it in the fridge until the next morning. Even better than the fridge is a cool, dry spot in the house.

Then, once it has dried, pipe (I used a zip-lock bag with a corner cut out) thicker frosting over the entire cake like this

You can see the crumb coat underneath on the left.

This will help you make sure the frosting is distributed evenly, and is the easiest way I've found to get frosting to look good on the sides of a tall cake. Then use a large flat knife or metal cake-decorating spatula to smooth it out. The trick here is to put it into warm water between strokes. This keeps the frosting from sticking to the metal and also the warmth helps spread the frosting smoothly.

And there you go! :)

Birthday Week

2012-01-28T17:52:00.004-06:00

Birthday Week has come to a close! Amelia turned FIVE years old on Tuesday!!

Her morning started with her five balloons and her favorite breakfast (cinnamon rolls) - and of course a quote from Dr. Seuss's birthday book on sparkly pink paper

Then I brought cupcakes to Amelia's school. I made "hot chocolate cupcakes" - the cake is made with cocoa and the frosting has marshmallow creme in it.

Aren't they cute? They looked like little cups of hot chocolate and her class loved them! They were big, and everyone asked for seconds.

My camera died, so here's a phone photo from school. Mmmmm CUPCAKE! Ha!

There was even a Brian Kinder concert at her school that morning - it was really cute!

That was all Tuesday.

Then today, Amelia had her party at The Wonder Place. I'm a big fan of just having parties at our house, but she wanted to invite everyone in her class plus a couple of other friends, so we decided that was too many 4/5 year olds for our little house!

It was a rainbow-themed party - easy and happy.

Her big gift was a bicycle (before Davis raised the handle bars and adjusted everything for her)

Henry liked it too

Party favors were packages of modeling clay.

Amelia's friend Stella - love this sweet girl!

Wyatt chilled in the Ergo even though it was crazy loud and hectic!

The kids had fun playing and no one wanted to stop and pose for pictures.

Her rainbow cake was a very happy cake. And yummy too.

Amelia was so funny opening presents - the kids were closing in on her shoving their presents at her and talking over each other, and she kept saying, "calm down, guys!" Ha ha!

Sophia got her a "Baby Snow White" - have you seen these? They are Disney princesses as babies. Silliest thing ever, but she LOVES it. Seeing the girls pick out gifts for each other is one of my favorite things - it shows how well they know each other and how much they love each other.

And! Kit got a horse! Wow, those American Girl doll things are so cool.

Our sweet birthday girl - she doesn't like posing for pictures.

And Quiet Wyatt

My dad came to town for the party too! He took the girls swimming at his hotel this morning so I could finish the cake while the boys napped. We came home to some beef stew in the crock pot and now we're all ready for bed!

It was a happy, happy day!

Days of Our Lives

2012-01-19T09:54:00.007-06:00

"Like sands through the hourglass... so are the Days of Our Lives."

Ha ha I totally just quoted a soap opera, even though I don't think I've watched more than two soap opera episodes in my whole life. But, it's what I'm thinking about.

Because first, there was this article that half a dozen of my friends posted on Facebook. And then I've been thinking about this blog post, which makes me bawl every time I read it. And then, there are the ladies. The grocery store ladies, and the church ladies, and the doctor's office elevator ladies, who smile whistfully, and say "enjoy every minute, it goes by so fast."

And you know what? I am not annoyed by them. I always tell them, no matter what kind of day I am having, thank you. Because it is probably on those crazy, harrowing, overwhelming days that I need to hear them say it. I still cry when I think about Sophia's first day of kindergarten. Because all those first five years, I thought I had all the time in the world to think about her going to school, and then WHAM! there it was - it came so much faster than I expected. I wasn't ready, but it came anyway. It didn't feel like five years, but it was. And now, when I think about her being in high school, and I think it's so far away. But I know. I know, it's just going to suddenly be here, whether I'm ready or not.

And every now and then I let myself think about the days that my house will be quiet. The days that little handprints and crayon marks no longer mar my walls. Days that my bathroom floor isn't flooded every night at 7 p.m., days that I do not step on Legos, days that cleaning up after a spaghetti dinner doesn't involve a whole roll of paper towels. And I cry. I know that when those days come, the echos of my children running through the house will be a deafening silence.

The HuffPo article likens raising children to climbing Mount Everest. And yes, some day I will look proudly at my children and think "I made it to the top of that mountain." But I do not want to think of the journey as a painful, uphill climb. Because I will also think about their little hands reaching up to be held, and their sweet baby lips sucking the air while they sleep, the weight of their bodies on my chest when they are sick, and their little eyes looking at me - burrowing into my soul, saying don't forget this moment. I want to know that I have sucked the marrow out of those moments, that I stopped to breathe in every single second, so that when they are gone, I know I didn't miss anything.

It can be so easy to let ourselves count down the hours until bedtime, to laugh about how nice it will be to not have ketchup on our shirts, and to sit around talking about how three year olds are so whiny and newborns don't sleep enough and toddlers wear us out. Those are the thoughts that crop up when we are in the midst of motherhood. Those are the easy conversations to lapse into when we are with other mothers. But those are not the thoughts I want validated. Rather, I cherish the reminders that I'm missing the point. I need to be brought back to the sacredness of these moments. Yes, even the hard ones. If I find myself having too many days that I am overwhelmed and annoyed and not enjoying every moment with my children, it is usually a clue that I need to change something - about the way I parent, about the way I take care of myself, or about something simple like how we enforce certain rules in our house.

I cannot say that I have enjoyed every single second of being with my children. But I can tell you that I have regretted every second that I didn't enjoy them. And so, even when I hear that cry in the middle of the night and I think I might actually die from being so tired, or when I've told my six year old to pick up her sweater for the fifteenth time, I remind myself that these days are numbered. Tonight might be the last night that the baby wakes up to eat in the middle of the night, and oh my gosh, I can't stop the tears from flowing when I think - those sweet moments in the dark of night, when all the distractions of the world are gone, and there is nothing but the sweet smell of my baby's head and his little hand on my breast, they are gone. I have a lot of life left to live, and many things to look forward to, but those days, they are past.

It's loving our children through their worst behavior, learning to laugh when everything goes wrong, feeling daily gratitude for being given these precious children to raise up, that's what makes parenthood so sacred.

So, thank you grocery store ladies, for telling me to cherish even the exhaustion and exasperation. Thank you, church ladies, for reminding me that, yes, my children are beautiful and well-behaved. Thank you, doctor's office elevator ladies, for transporting me to the future for just a glipse, because now I remember what I don't want to regret.

Wordless Wednesday ~ In the Evening

2012-01-18T05:52:00.000-06:00

Encouragement

2012-01-16T08:21:00.003-06:00

I am always amazed at how well positive reinforcement works to elicit good behavior in my children. Then I feel bad that I don't practice it more often, and I kick myself for forgetting how well it works. And above all, I remember - my kids deserve this. I think of how much it means to me, to have my boss say a simple, "good job." And I think about how awful it would be to constantly be told I was doing a bad job, or that I needed to try harder or do something different, or just to have my hard work ignored.

Yesterday morning, all four kids were terrific in church. Then they came home and spent the entire afternoon helping me clean and take care of the babies. I praised them, and the more I praised them, the better they got. The more I encouraged them, the harder they tried. I told them it made me happy that they weren't fighting, and they didn't fight all day long. I told them they were doing a great job cleaning, and they cleaned harder.

They were amazing little amazeballs, and I was so proud of them. And I told them so.

Last week, I bought two little pink metal mailboxes at the dollar section of Target - because how could I not?! The girls were thrilled, and asked me to put messages in them. But I forgot. Until last night, when I thought about how proud I was of them. So I made them each a little award

There is no allowance or treat or anything that I think would have excited them more than those two little pieces of paper.

It's so easy to forget, that a simple "thank you" and "great job" goes a long, long way. They don't really need elaborate reward systems or bribes, when just a little encouragement will do.

(Hop on over here to my other blog for some yummy recipes!)

Wir Sprechen Deutsch!

2012-01-15T04:31:00.001-06:00

I don't think I've mentioned it on the blog... have I? We are going to Austria next Christmas to visit my family who is still over there (that's most of them). I'm SO excited! We have always talked about going when the kids get a little older, when it's a little easier, when we have more money. The problem is, my grandparents are in their 80's now, my cousins are all grown up, my children are missing out on so much. When my uncle and his family died in October, I realized, we all took for granted that we would see them again. It's time.

SO, in preparation, it's also time that I finally get my act in gear to teach the kids German. I of course intended to raise bilingual kids... but I didn't. My little nephew Wilson, who is by the way a total genius (he's in kindergarten and reading above a 2nd grade level!) wants to learn German so he can read German books about World War II aircraft. Seriously. I love that kid! And a friend's daughter will be joining us as well - her grandmother is German and she has wanted to learn. I'd actually love to find one more... maybe we'll come across another wanna-be-German-student this year.

Here's something you probably don't know about me - part of me always wanted to be a teacher, because I love making bulletin boards and lesson plans and worksheets and having lots of stickers and binders and stuff. I mean really, that is the stuff of dreams! The only problem, I can't really handle a bunch of kids all day long. Thankfully I knew that about myself before I picked a career. BUT one hour a week of teaching four sweet kiddos? Perfect.

And yes, I have a binder. With a German flag on it. And 12 weeks of neatly made out lesson plans. And stickers. But no bulletin board - that's sad.

We had our first little lesson on Wednesday. I started off by, of course, teaching them basic greetings. Hello, good bye, what's your name?, how are you?, etc. And then, I got out a big pile of capes and hats and let them dress up and pretend to be different characters walking down the street, introducing themselves and saying hello.

They had so much fun, and it was pretty funny!

Next week we'll work on greetings some more and also learn numbers 1 through 10. I have a soft ball, and we're going to stand in a circle and toss the ball to each other as we count out the numbers (when you catch the ball, you call out the next number). It's been really, really fun coming up with activities to make this fun!

Henry showed up to dinner with one of the hats on that day :)

Auf Wiedersehen!

Three Months!

2012-01-13T19:20:00.004-06:00

It happened in the past couple of weeks, I haven't wanted to admit it, but it did... Wyatt stopped being a newborn.

He is sleeping through the night (most nights). He is smiling and cooing and trying really hard to tell us what he's thinking. He is strong and holding his head up to look around. He is no longer pooping every 10 minutes. He has a little routine, and we are starting to figure out what he likes (the baby swing at 6pm) and doesn't like (cold feet).

Baby Wyatt is three months old as of yesterday. We are having so much fun with him and could not love him more!

These Weeks!

2012-01-07T22:51:00.003-06:00

My goodness, time is just flying, flying, flying! Things have been so busy for me at work - I am still catching up from being gone on maternity leave, then the holidays, then being the hospital again... I'm not sure if I'll ever be caught up! Then we are getting ready for Amelia and Henry's birthdays coming up and Wyatt's baptism, when we'll also have lots of family in town. I am hoping for a very mellow and quiet spring - other than a work trip to DC in March, I think I will be laying low and trying to recover from a crazy 6 months!

So, a little update on us... without many pictures, because I haven't taken as many as I usually do.

Sophia - Sophia is driving me a little crazy about shoes... She wanted Sketchers Twinkle Toes in November, because Lawler in her class had some, so I got her a pair because it was the first brand of anything she'd ever asked for. Then she wanted Toms because her best friend Claire had a pair. Santa got those for her. The Friday she said "Mom, I need some Uggs." I asked her who had Uggs - it's Huntington in her class. I'm going to have to call some moms and talk to them about buying cheaper shoes. Just kidding ha ha! I had a talk with Sophia about wanting things just because other kids have them.

What else... she just started piano and is really excited about it. Soccer starts up again soon. I would just like to say, Sophia is the best sister in the whole world. She is such a huge help with the baby!

The girls have been playing with their American Girl dolls every day, and I love it. Mary Grace is also taking violin (oh my gosh!! The American Girl Doll violin is aaaamazing - it is a perfect teeny tiny violin!) and soccer

How cute is that? Gosh, I just love having girls! (although building Legos with Henry has been really fun too lately!)

Amelia, Amelia - She is the fashion critic of the family right now. The other day I went to work wearing brown slacks and a blue shirt... all morning Amelia kept saying, "I really wish you wouldn't wear that. It doesn't match AT ALL!" Friday I wore a suit that was all the same color, and it made her very happy.

I'm so proud at how much she is learning at school and just what a sweet thing she is!

Henry - I don't even have a new picture of him! How bad is that?! It's because every picture I take ends up being a blurry shot of the back of his head. That boy is in motion ALL the time! He is sweet, sweet, sweet though! No terrible two's for him - he just gives out hugs and kisses all day long and uses his big blue eyes and newly learned "please" to get whatever he wants. Truly, I cannot say no to him. Ever. "Peas, Mommy?" I would give him absolutely anything he wanted.

And baby Wyatt - I hate to say it, but he's not a newborn anymore. He's still the size of one (yay!) but he's lifting his head

and smiling and trying to talk

He'll be three months this week, so I'll do a longer update on just him (I need to wrap this up and go to bed!)

I have been feeling GREAT! I can't believe how crummy I felt for two months with that kidney infection, and I didn't realize it until I got well again. I just thought I was really worn down from having four kids and my first c-section, but actually I was just really sick. I feel GREAT now

I've been blogging some over here.

Okay, bed time! Good night! XO

Things I Love ~ Postpartum Wardrobe

2012-01-03T05:47:00.004-06:00

Third in my series of favorite things (click to see Part I and Part II) is about postpartum clothes. I know everyone who's had a baby just groaned when reading that. It's HARD to dress yourself right after you have a baby! Your body a freaky shape and you feel tired and can hardly find the time to shower, plus when you finally do get an outfit together, baby poops on you. Right?

For me, the perfect postpartum outfit (1) is comfortable enough to nap in, (2) is nursing-friendly, (3) hides the pooch enough that people aren't constantly asking "when's your baby due?", and (4) makes you feel pretty. #4 is important - recovering from birth and being sleep-deprived are downers, feeling pretty lifts you up!

My #1 momiform right after having Wyatt was the Dria Cover + maternity skinny jeans. I have never used nursing covers, because I think they draw more attention to the fact that you're nursing and I've just found them awkward. But the Dria is different, because it's a poncho you can wear anytime. It is SO comfy. Plus, having a toddler around changes things a little - I can be nursing discretely and suddenly have to get up to keep the toddler from throwing all the bags of Starbucks coffee in their trash can. Not that that ever happened.

Oslo Dria Nursing Cover $59; Three Seasons Maternity Skinny Jeans - Amazon $50;
Mossimo Supply Slouchy Boots - Target $29.99

I am so happy those skinny jeans don't fit me anymore, because I wore. them. out. after I had Wyatt. Here I am one week postpartum - same jeans:

525 America Hoodie Poncho - on sale now Amazon $50

Also prominent in my postpartum wardrobe has been leggings. When your belly is all poochy and you have porn star boobs, showing off that your legs are still somewhat normally shaped is a good thing. Plus - SO COMFY! My favorites are American Apparel, in lots of colors. Pair with a nursing cami (favorite is Glamourmom long with a built-in bra) and a loose t-shirt, tunic, shirt dress, or sweater, and you're ready to go! 6 weeks postpartum:

Cardigan - Target sale $19; Blouse - Old Navy sale $7.99; Flexees Fat Free Dressing Tank Top - Amazon $38; Matty M Leggings - Dillards $48; Boots - Target $24.99

Here's an outfit I've put together with cheap, versatile pieces that can be remixed. I'm not a fan of spending lots of money on postpartum clothes, since [hopefully] they won't fit for long!

Leggings - American Apparel $32; Flowy shirt - Old Navy $32.94; Boots - Target $29.99; Earrings - Etsy $18
(pair with white Glamourmom Long Bra Nursing Camisole)

I do believe in investing in one nice dress that makes breastfeeding easy. Low-cut, stretchy non-nursing dresses work well. Like these

Electric Plum Bell Sleeve Dress - Isabella Oliver $159;
Suzi Chin for Maggy Boutique Dolman Jersey Dress - Nordstrom $138

Everyone feels prettier in a dress, right? And pretty = happy.

I actually bought a nursing dress for the first time ever, and I love it - I wear it to work or church at least once a week. It's as comfy as a nightgown, but looks adorable with boots and is easy to dress up for church or pair with a jacket for work:

Japanese Weekend D&A Bamboo Twist Front Nursing Dress - Figure 8 $96

Now that I'm back to work, and working hard to loose the belly pooch, my wardrobe is shifting again, but those were the pieces that carried me through my first eight weeks. I just can't stress enough how important it was for my happiness to wear clothes that were comfy AND made me feel pretty. I'm proud to say I only wore yoga pants out of the house one time :)

I need to give a shout-out to my absolute FAVORITE fashion blog right now, aimed squarely at mamas like me. Ain't No Mom Jeans is full of fabulous ideas. Check it out - they have of lots of great tips and are much more adorable-er than me!

A Typical Scene From My Bed

2012-01-02T09:32:00.003-06:00

Henry on the iPhone, Sophia being an awesome big sister, Wyatt smiling and being adorable. Some combination of these kids and Amelia are always on my bed in the mornings doing some combination of these things, and randomly getting snuggle attacks from me. Because I can't help it.

My Other Blog... That Long Forgotten One

2011-12-31T19:48:00.000-06:00

I'm over here today.

Things I Love ~ Baby Christmas Gifts

2011-12-30T06:27:00.002-06:00

This is the second of my posts about some of my favorite things. Here is the first.

Baby Wyatt is my youngest Christmas baby, and the first time I have had a little one too small to enjoy toys at Christmastime. Plus, with four kids, we really have more baby toys than we need. I asked Sophia what she thought Santa might bring a little baby, and she nailed it!

Some of our favorites are below, with Wyatt to show them off :)

Wyatt's "big" gift was a baby book by Rag & Bone Bindery. Sophia has one from the same company, and I love it.

Found at Anthropologie.

These booties are so sweet and snuggly warm. And because they are Robeez, they actually stay on his wee feet.

I know, if I were a truly dedicated blogger, I would have put the booties ON Wyatt to show them off, but he was really happy in his sleep sack, and you don't mess with happy babies.

These little lovey blankets are the softest things! Amelia's "Buppy" was the bunny from this series, and she had to have it for sleeping with until a few months ago. We still love Buppy, even though he's no longer essential for sleep. Maybe little Lion will become Wyatt's bup.

I got a three-pack here (it's always good to have extras!)

I didn't realize until I saw all these gifts together, that Wyatt's Christmas had a bit of a lion theme to it - he also got this sweet thing

Wyatt also got some practical gifts, and he didn't mind one bit. He got more of these bottles, to help Daddy get through the day while I'm at work.

We used Avent with Sophia and Amelia, but they had changed their design when Henry was born and were pretty awful and extremely expensive. Thankfully they're good again, and we love them. Five-pack found here.

In his stocking, Wyatt also got another one of these favorite diapers

and some sleepers, wash cloths, a rubber ducky, a set of bamboo baby spoons, Sophie the Giraffe's cousin, my favorite baby wash (smells DIVINE!), and socks.

He got two blankets to go with his black stroller and I love both of them. This one will be great for cold or drizzly days, and I love that it clips on.

And this one is sooo cute with soft gray minky on one side!

Found on Etsy by my mom.

This was Sophia's favorite board book when she was a baby - she would get SO excited about it! Sadly, it literally fell to pieces from so much love, so Wyatt got his own copy

Shopping for a little baby wasn't nearly has hard as I thought it would be, even with a fourth child who has pretty much everything he needs!

Wordless Wednesday ~ Hours of 4 Year Old Entertainment

2011-12-28T06:27:00.000-06:00

Best. Christmas. Ever.

2011-12-25T15:38:00.002-06:00

There is nothing better than Christmas with little kids, NOTHING! Here are just a few of the eleventy billion pictures I took last night and this morning.

On our way to church, where the girls were angels in the pageant.

When we got home, so thankful for the awesomeness of crockpots.

Grandma Judy's Christmas pajamas - one of our favorite Christmas traditions. The kids open their pajamas that Grandma made, and then call her to say thanks and merry Christmas!

After bedtime...

And Christmas morning - do you think we've been THIS good this year??

Christmas Twenty Eleven, brought to you by American Girl Doll and Lego (and Anthropology - lucky Mom!)

Henry got some big boy underwear for Christmas... do you think this is his way of telling us he's not ready?

Coffee, lots and lots of coffee! Mommy and Daddy got three hours of sleep last night.

(Although another favorite Christmas tradition - the Christmas nap! Mom and Dad got a little nap while the boys napped and the girls played - NICE!)

In the wake of wrapping carnage, a little baby sleeps

The whistle on my old tea kettle broke, and a few weeks ago I forgot about it on the stove and MELTED it. Now I have the one I've always wanted!

(please excuse my ugly wrist- one of six failed attempts to start an IV on me in the hospital)

Sweet Henry - see how he's wearing his sister's Crocs? The boy LOVES shoes. So Santa got him some firetruck (another favorite thing) slippers!

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-23T21:09:00.002-06:00

From our house to yours...wishing you a very merry Christmas!

Every year since Sophia's first Christmas, we have made a new plate for Santa's cookies. This year the boys' contribution was footprints for penguins and the girls painted snowflakes and icicles around the edge

And the winning photograph of pre-Christmas at our house 2011 ... Brother Kisses

Christmas Gratitudes

2011-12-22T05:41:00.004-06:00

You know, I think I had been feeling pretty happy and thankful for all the blessings in my life lately. But the past few weeks, I had also been feeling sad for things that were missing this Christmas - loved ones who have died this past year who I wasn't sending Christmas cards to (there were more this year than ever before in my life), my children's sweet school that closed last year and their Christmas pageant (in its place, a very cute but completely un-Christmas-ed production at their new school), our old church and their magnificent ringing bells... Well, I guess God decided to wake me up and turn up that gratitude a notch, because I landed myself in the hospital this week.

I have battled a UTI/kidney infection on and off since Wyatt's birth. Every time I was put on antibiotics, it got better. Every time I finished the antibiotics, it came back. I have kidney stones (11, if you want to know) that according to my urologist might have helped hang onto the infection. Well, last week the infection came back, and by Sunday I was feeling really, really bad. I made it through Monday thanks to the miracle powers of a LOT of coffee, and dragged myself to the doctor on Tuesday. My lab results didn't look pretty. I was pleading with him to make this go away forever. I felt and looked awful. So, here I am, in room 3057, getting IV antibiotics and fluids. He told me he also wanted me to get some rest - it took some effort not to laugh. He's obviously never spent the night in a hospital. I got 1 hour and 35 minutes of sleep my first 24 hours here. But I also got some medicine that has helped me feel so, so much better!

My first night, when I felt physically horrible and exhausted and couldn't sleep because of all the people coming into my room, my friend who lives in Armenia right now kept me company all night long. We laughed about my awful nurse. We laughed about my awesome patient care tech named Orlando, who danced around my room, "We've got a full house! We're rockin' it on 3 North tonight!" And she listened to me whine and whine and whine.

Another friend volunteered to be my breastmilk courier. Three times a day, she's come by to pick up milk and deliver it home to Wyatt. She also brought me snacks and bought toilet paper for my family so Davis wouldn't have to drag all the kids to the store. They even called me to make sure they got the right brand.

On Facebook, my friends sent me well wishes and prayers and cheered me up with funny posts and sweet private messages. Yesterday afternoon I felt really sad, because I missed my baby. I've never spent the night away from one of my little babies, and it was making me anxious and a little queasy and a LOT sad. At around 2pm, I looked at a picture of him and sobbed for an hour. I literally didn't know how I was going to make it through another 24 hours without holding him. It's the middle of winter, and I'm on a general medicine floor, so there was just no way I was going to drag a new baby up here into the germosphere. But I wanted him sooo badly. Four friends called me and many more sent me texts, and I was lifted up and carried through that sadness, until my lovely day nurse came in and took pity on me. She suggested that Davis bring the kids up in the car, and they would unhook me and let me go downstairs. I literally jumped up, called Davis, and ran downstairs. Nursing my little baby in the car while my other kids jibber-jabbered at me was the best thing EVER! I came back upstairs and my nurse looked at me and said I looked like a new person. I felt like it too!

And at home, my sweet husband has been keeping the four kids and calling to tell me things like "oh I'm actually bored, things are going so well!" And friends are coming by with meals and homemade baked goodies. Friends are offering to help during a time that I know is crazy and busy for everyone. And my sweet Sophia, she slept next to baby Wyatt because she knew he would miss mama and, "Daddy, I know you're really tired, so if he wakes up and you don't hear him, I'll wake you up." She's SIX, my sweet oldest baby, and she always rises to the occasion.

And as I've sat here in room 3057, I have been overcome with the realization that I am so blessed. So, so blessed. To have these beautiful children that I love so much I can't stand to be away from them, to have a husband who can be home taking care of everything without batting an eye, to have THE best friends in the whole world, and to know that after a couple of days, I get to walk out of this hospital cured, and never looking back, and home in time for Christmas.

I have prayed a lot the last couple of days. I've prayed for all the people in this building who aren't getting to go home for Christmas. I've prayed for those who won't walk out of here healed. I've prayed for those who are alone and don't have friends and family to lift them up and carry them through. I've prayed for the old woman in the room next to me, who is here from a nursing home and doesn't know where she is, so she cries and screams in confusion all night long. I've prayed for those who have lost children and don't get to go back and hold them again after a couple of days of separation. Yes, these days before Christmas, my eyes have been opened and I've been reminded powerfully of how blessed I am.

A friend brought me a beautiful collection of Celtic prayers last night. This one is from Celtic Prayers from Iona by Phillip Newell

Watch now O Christ
With those who are weary
Or wandering
Or weeping this night.
Guide them to a house
Of your peace
And lead us to be caring
For their tears.

Wordless Wednesday "I like that Dr. Seuss, Mom. He's a funny guy."

2011-12-21T05:27:00.000-06:00

A Little Catching Up

2011-12-18T23:46:00.002-06:00

Just a few happenings around here from the past couple of weeks...

I took the girls to a breakfast with Santa fundraiser - Santa at a children's hospital with firemen serving pancakes. It was like a medley of Curious George plots. It was fun too!

My brother, my sister-in-law and my little nephew came to visit us from California. They were here almost a week and it made me SO happy! Little Nate is the cutest - they came just in time to help us decorate the tree

and meet baby Wyatt

We always have a bunch of finger foods and appetizers for dinner on tree decorating night - yum! I know I blog about eating healthy, and we usually do, but to be honest I secretly want Bagel Bites for dinner every night.

The weather outside was frightful (I had told my brother weeks before that "it never snows before Christmas" so of course we had snow!) so one day while the girls were at school, we went to The Wonder Place. I know I've blogged about it before, it's just a fun indoor play place that lets the kids run around when they can't go out

Henry and Nate had so much fun!

Wyatt snoozed the whole time.

Then we took the boys out to barbecue and they both approved

Nate is the CUTEST!! I am so sad right now that they are so far away!

Henry also approved of Daddy's birthday cake - see that big bite taken out of the side?! Ha ha!

We had shepherd's pie for dinner that night and Henry ate SO much - you can see it all over his face and the tablecloth. He definitely likes his food!

Henry, Henry - I miss my little buddy now that I'm back at work! We had so much fun together when I was on maternity leave, while the girls were at school and Wyatt was sleeping. He is just SO sweet right now - I love the way he says "Mommy?" And he's learned to say "please" and "thank you" which pretty much makes every one of his requests completely irresistible to me. When I'd take him to story time at the library, they sang "open shut them, open shut them" and now he makes us do it ALL. THE. TIME.

I think maybe it's time for me to stop cutting his hair and bring in someone who knows what they're doing.

I miss Wyatt too, especially now that he's really smiley. He still spends most of his time snoozing, though. The sweetest thing in the world.

He is a well-loved baby, that's for sure!

We did break out the baby swing recently, and he loves it

All bundled up and ready to go - sadly he gets dragged around a lot, like I'm sure all fourth children do.

By the way, having a new baby at Christmas (a first for me) makes me spend a lot of time thinking about Mary and what it must have been like for her. I am loving this new perspective on the Christmas story.

Last weekend we had our annual gingerbread house decorating party - I just let each of the girls invite one friend and let them go to town with a bunch of candy and royal icing. Amelia and her sweet tooth got excited about the candy!

Amelia still wears her princess dresses 90% of the time when she's home.

I asked a friend's 11 year old to come help too - she helped Henry with his. Actually she just tried to make a house while Henry ate the candy off of it.

The girls had their Christmas programs at school, too. My friend took pictures, so as soon as I get those from her, I will post - they were really sweet. Now the girls are out of school and counting down the hours until Christmas!

Things I Love - Baby Sleeping Softness Edition

2011-12-16T05:55:00.001-06:00

I am getting a blog make-over after Christmas, and I am SO excited! I've had tons of blog posts stirring in my mind, but also have a lot of updating to do (see that pregnancy ticker on the left there? That baby is now 9 weeks old!) One of the things I've wanted to do is a series of posts about products that I love and find myself recommending to everyone. So, here is Part I... I have a horrible track record with multi-part posts (how many MONTHS has it been since I've done a Vegetable of the Week post?!), so don't hold your breath for Part II ha!

I'm pretty sure I never outgrew the babydoll-dressing part of childhood, because I love dressing my babies. I especially love getting them dressed for bed - getting them all comfy cozy after a bath and baby massage. It feels like wrapping them in love, when I get them snuggled up. Here's what Wyatt has been snoozing in lately.

Gerber side-snap long-sleeve shirt. Washed in Dreft and 7th Generation fabric softener, these are so soft. I want some for me. And because they are side-snapping, no need to make baby mad by pulling them over his head!
Thirsties Duo jersey hemp prefold diaper. The softest diapers in the world. Yummy soft. Secured with a Snappi - best lets-stop-putting-pins-on-babies invention ever.

Over the prefold diaper, a wool soaker. I've gotten really hooked on diapering with wool. We still usually use THESE diapers during the day for both boys. But at night especially, I love wool. It is so breathable, never leaks, and, I don't know, I just love it. This one is a Kissas Wool Lover cover. You guessed it - SO SOFT!! I also have some wool soakers and longies from Etsy I love and some recycled wools I am making - that's a separate post.

And top layer - a LullaBag by Cloud B. I bought these when Sophia was a baby and I love them because... well, they are soft. Is there anything more important than softness when you're sleeping??! They are toasty warm and natural cotton, and they unzip on the bottom for diaper changes. Unfortunately they don't make them anymore (thankfully for me, I bought a BUNCH when Sophia was a baby). But there are plenty of other adorable soft-looking sleep sacks out there - like these.

Wishing you much softness at night, whatever your age!

Good Eats

2011-12-14T21:46:00.003-06:00

The holidays are a crazy time to try to lose baby weight. Even though I am doing the Game On Diet with a friend, I am only half-heartedly trying to lose weight until after Christmas. Last night I had a church-group potluck with lots of wine and some awesome cranberry pie. This morning I didn't have time to eat breakfast, and as soon as I got to work, someone said "hey Vera! There's some sausage balls over there if you want some!" Then I had a work potluck at lunch with ice cream sandwich cake and whoopie pies. Tonight I had a church dinner with chili served over Fritos. Get the idea?

I also went back to work this week, which means finding the time to prepare healthy meals has gotten harder. It definitely requires a lot more planning and organization.

But the thing is, as much as I love whoopie pies and chili served over Fritos, I really can't go more than a day or two without craving fresh veggies and other healthy and yummy goodies. In fact I'm eating handfuls of edamame right now. My body feels so much better when I feed it body-loving foods. And when my body feels better, I am a happier person. And when I am a happier person, I'm a better wife and mother and employee and friend.

So, here's how I'm handling my non-potluck days...

Breakfast has always been my most difficult meal. I'm just not hungry when I wake up, and mornings always seem so hectic now that the older kids are in school. But I really do feel better when I eat a good breakfast.

My favorite breakfast is a green smoothie - when I drink these every day, I find myself FORGETTING to get coffee at work because I have so much energy and feel so good! I have been putting the ingredients in ziploc bags and freezing them, then putting them out on the counter as soon as I wake up (around 5) and then blending when they are a little thawed an hour later (I tried straight frozen, but my blender couldn't handle it).

Green Smoothie
1 whole orange
1 whole frozen banana
1 cup frozen mango/strawberry/pineapple pieces (I get a smoothie mix from Kroger with these in it)
2 cups fresh raw baby spinach
Blend, blend, blend - you want to blend for a really long time, so the spinach is totally not chunky anymore. Even though they look pretty gnarly, these smoothies are yummy - even my kids will drink them. If the green freaks you out, add some blueberries for a purple smoothie :)

I also make a big batch of steel cut oats at the beginning of the week and put into single-serving jars to heat up. I add some maple syrup, walnuts, and apples for a very quick, very filling breakfast.

When I was pregnant, I needed lots of protein at breakfast to keep from feeling sick. I'd scramble two eggs with some fresh spinach and some cream cheese and eat with toasted Ezekiel bread - yum! Scrambling eggs doesn't really take very long.

If I can't manage breakfast before leaving the house, I throw some Greek yogurt in a little jar with granola and fresh raspberries on top and eat it at my desk when I get to work.

For lunch, I have been making giant salads and putting them into mason jars to take to work with me. I made THIS aaaamazing salad Sunday and ate it Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday for lunch. It was seriously GREAT! Tonight I made one of my favorite salads for tomorrow and Friday

Asian Slaw with Ginger-Peanut Dressing
from Once Upon a Chef

¼ cup honey
¼ cup vegetable oil
¼ cup unseasoned rice vinegar
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 teaspoon Asian sesame oil
1 tablespoon peanut butter
½ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger
1 large garlic clove, minced
4 cups prepared shredded coleslaw
2 cups shredded carrots
1 red pepper, thinly sliced into bite size pieces
1 cup pre-cooked, shelled edamame (or more - I love edamame and probably doubled this)
2 medium scallions, finely chopped
½ cup salted peanuts
½ cup loosely packed chopped fresh cilantro

Mix the dressing ingredients and then toss with the rest of the ingredients in a large bowl. This made 3 big lunch mason jars for me.

Dinner... I usually cooked dinner when I get home from work. But right now baby Wyatt and I are still getting used to being away from each other all day, so he wants to nurse the minute he sees me... for about four hours ha ha! I'm kind of equally unwilling to give up snuggle time to stand over a stove. This is where the crock pot is my best friend. And mornings are hectic, as I mentioned, so it works best for me to prepare the crock pot meal the night before, right in the crock pot insert, which I put in the fridge overnight and then stick in the crockpot in the morning. Tomorrow we're having

Chicken Curry
from Mama and Baby Love

3 Tablespoons flour
4 Tablespoons curry powder
1.5 teaspoons ground cumin
1.5 pounds chicken thighs, cut into 1-inch pieces
2 cups peeled and chopped sweet potatoes
2.5 cups baby carrots
2 cups coarsely chopped mango
1 cup chopped onion
1 chopped zucchini
2 minced garlic cloves
1 chicken bouillion
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup peanuts or cashews

Mix everything except the raisins and nuts together and put in the crockpot. Cook on low for 8 hours. I put mine in the crockpot in the fridge the night before, or you can freeze and then throw the frozen ingredients straight into the crock pot! Add the raisins and nuts as garnish for serving. Serve over rice (I can make rice while breastfeeding - it's one of my talents. Actually I made shiitake and asparagus RISOTTO while breastfeeding one time - one arm held baby and the other stirred and stirred. No one else in my house was impressed, even though I praised myself profusely at dinner.)

So, between egg nog and rum balls, fudge, cheese balls, and big ham dinners, try to get some of your veggies too. Mama says it will make you feel good!

Wordless Wednesday ~ Santa Learning All About American Girl Dolls

2011-12-07T05:29:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving

2011-12-03T12:13:00.003-06:00

I am so far behind with blogging... I have five days left before I go back to work, and I have been trying so hard to soak up every darn minute with my kiddos before I do! That means my nights are spend Christmas shopping (thanks, Amazon Prime!), and catching up on laundry and email and Parenthood. I have also been battling eleven kidney stones ("eleven" said in my best Spinal Tap voice) and a kidney infection that just keeps coming back.

But we had a PERFECT Thanksgiving this year! I was a little stressed out in anticipation of the holiday, since last Thanksgiving weekend was when we lost baby Violet. But there is no better medicine than spending time with loved ones... and food.

The girls each had a Thanksgiving feast on the Friday before their Thanksgiving break. It was also pajama day - so I came up there to see Sophia the pajama-clad Native American ha!

It was funny, after the kids got done eating, the grown-ups made their way through the line to eat up all the vegetables that were left.

Sophia and her best friend Claire - it's pretty much impossible to get a non-silly picture of these two.

Sophia wanted to come with me to visit Amelia's class. It was the sweetest thing in the world, to see how proud of Sophia Amelia was - she ran up and hugged her and then told everyone "this is my sister!"

Sophia holding court with the four year olds ha ha! She was pretty proud of herself too.

Thanksgiving Wednesday I spent the whole day at Davis's brother's house cooking and baking while our kids ran around and relatives trickled in from out of town. At the end of the day everyone came over to our house for beef stew, which I'd thrown in the crock pot that morning. Davis and his siblings stayed up by the fire in the backyard long after I went to bed.

Thursday is was so, so cold and cloudy outside, which made for a perfect day to stay by a big fire and eat and eat and eat and visit with family!

My main contribution to the meal was this healthier green bean casserole that I saw in Southern Living magazine - YES healthy and Southern Living. It was yummy and sooo much better than anything involving soggy canned green beans!

Baby Wyatt was never put down from Wednesday morning until Friday night. Not once. That child was passed from one set of arms to another. Then Saturday I tried to lay him down to do come laundry and he would have NONE of that! Just the way the baby baby of the whole family is supposed to be :)

And then Sunday baby Wyatt went to church for the first time and was welcomed by the congregation. This picture - "hey Davis, take a picture of me with the baby before we leave." Ugh.

"Wait! I'll take another one!"
"No! We're late!"
Ha ha!

The girls are good for picture-taking

but add two little boys and this is what you get

Being at our new church with our new baby, it was a perfect and fitting end to the weekend. So much has changed in the past year, it is overwhelming. But it is also a reminder of we have to be thankful for!

One Month

2011-11-17T05:52:00.000-06:00

Baby Wyatt turned one month old on Saturday. That went by way too fast!

He is just the sweetest baby - he never cries unless he is hungry, and he is only waking up once in the middle of the night. The past few days, he has been awake most of the day and has also started smiling - he smiles at just about anyone who talks to him! He makes the sweetest little noises while he's nursing, like a content little baby bear. I love it. He is really lifting his head and looking around, and a couple of times he has flipped himself from belly to back. It's just amazing to me still how quickly these sweet newborn change! Just a couple of weeks ago, he was a tiny little ragdoll who slept all day!

I have no idea how much he weighs, because we haven't been to the doctor in three weeks, but he is just starting to outgrow his preemie/newborn clothes and fit into 0-3 month things and I had to loosen his carseat straps a little.

Country Weekend

2011-11-15T10:07:00.003-06:00

Wyatt made his first trek up the mountain to Grandma's house over the weekend. We all had a lovely and relaxing time!

"What's going on out there?"

A blur of boy and dog

This is as close as Grandpa gets to newborns

Mid-sneeze ha ha!

LOTS of yummy food at Grandma's house!

Sleeeeeeeeeepy!

Think these two might be related?? Baby Wyatt is a clone of Baby Amelia!

Sophia lost a tooth Friday morning at school - we left a note for the toothfairy at home, and thankfully she found her way to Grandma's house

She is such a great sister

Proof that I was there - my boots with horse poop and my camera strap

Wordless Wednesday ~ A Day In the Life ~ I Love This Life

2011-11-09T11:17:00.003-06:00

(the day started with getting gum out of Sophia's hair with peanut butter)

(the day ended, like all days, in chaos - dinner, bathtime, storytime, bedtime, more laundry, more diapers, no pictures...)

The White Door

2011-11-06T20:00:00.003-06:00

Amelia told me yesterday that there is a big white door - she made a motion that showed it was a double door, with handles that open outward - and all of the people who have died are on the other side. "If you open the door," she said, "then you get dead too." When I was a little girl, I thought of Heaven like a stratospheric cloth stretched over the Earth, and on that cloth were chairs made of clouds where God and Jesus sat looking down on us, surrounded by angels. When she was three years old, Sophia told me, "when you die, God picks you up and carries you to Heaven" (an image that has stayed with me and made death so much less scary!)

It was easy for me, growing up, to believe in Heaven as a very concrete and real place. But I told a friend last week, the more people I love who have died, the more I NEED to believe in Heaven, and the more scared I am that perhaps there are no thrones of clouds and hosts of angels... there is so much more at stake now that I have people I love in Heaven - people I need to believe I will see again. I feel almost a desperate need to know things that I just cannot know. In a way Amelia is right, once you open the door, you will be dead too. I will just need to cling to faith, carry on bravely through the rest of my life, and know that when my time comes I will know, and I will be with my loved ones again.

My favorite funeral prayer is from the Book of Common Prayer:

O God of grace and glory, we remember before you this day our brother/sister. We thank you for giving him to us, his family and friends, to know and to love as companion on our earthly pilgrimage. In your boundless compassion, console us who mourn. Give us faith to see in death the gate of eternal life, so that in quiet confidence we may continue our course on earth, until, by your call, we are reunited with those who have gone before; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

On Wednesday, in Toulouse, France, my entire family will be at the funeral for my uncle and his family (who died in a plane crash last week). Because I have a newborn, I can't be there, and that has been really hard. I have sent this prayer, which will be part of the funeral service, and at 4 a.m. Central Standard Time and 11 a.m. Central European Time, I will be saying the same prayer as my family. Actually, I have found myself many many times over the past week, silently praying give me faith to see in death the gate of eternal life, so that in quiet confidence I may continue my course on earth, until, by your call, I am reunited with those who have gone before. In a couple of weeks will be the anniversary of our Violet's death - another opportunity to look toward Heaven.

I wrote a much more hopeful post on this same subject earlier in the year. I will get to that same place again. Until then, I am thankful for prayers that allow me to ask for help.

Siblings

2011-11-02T07:36:00.000-05:00

I know this post is out of order, but I just found this video on my computer - check out my little future vlogger! I LOVE this sooo much!!

It reminded me that I never posted the precious pictures that my friend Paula captured of the moment the kids met baby Wyatt. There is just nothing like seeing your kids meet a new sibling for the first time, it is such a special moment!

2.5 Weeks of Having Wyatt Randomness

2011-10-31T18:59:00.002-05:00

LOTS of happenings at our house, not much time or energy to write blog posts... my dad came up for a visit for Grandparent's Day at the girls' school, I had my fabulous birthday party, the weather is amaaaazing, baby Wyatt is delicious, the laundry is out. of. control., Halloween...

So many blessings, so much to be thankful for!

This has also been a heartbreaking week for my family - my uncle, his wife, and his two young children died in a plane crash over the weekend. We are all in shock, and I am feeling very sad that most of my family is in Europe while I am here - I wish I could go back and be with everyone. But for now Skype and prayers being sent will have to do as we try to heal our hearts.

A Happy Birthday

2011-10-26T19:03:00.003-05:00

I am so far behind with posting things I want to post on the blog, I keep putting it off... but now I am not going to care about the fact that things will be out of order, because I have to share about my happy day :)

Today is my birthday. I can't even wrap my head around this past year and all it means. It was definitely a year that lots of things turned out completely differently than I had planned, which in the course of my life has always meant a lot of struggle for me (control freak that I am) followed by the realization that all along God had great things in store for me and my family. Like I said, I'm not really done figuring it all out, but I do know that I have a lot to be thankful for right now!

Sophia and Amelia LOVE throwing parties - they will often find things around the house to decorate with, and throw pretend birthday parties and other celebrations. So I knew exactly what we should do for my birthday, especially since baby Wyatt is so little that I have no desire to be anywhere but home right now... Davis took the girls to the Dollar Store after school, and they got whatever decorations and gifts they wanted. I left the house for a little while, and when I came back, they threw me a surprise birthday party!

It was an awesome party and made me VERY happy!!

The boys were there too, but Davis was trying to chase Henry, who was trying to love on Wyatt.

I love my family :)

One More C-Section Post

2011-10-22T10:32:00.003-05:00

When I thought I would have to have a c-section earlier in my pregnancy and started to read/ask about it, I got myself pretty worried. As with many things (including vaginal births) I think you tend to hear way more horror stories than you do good ones. I did have one friend and my cousin tell me reassuring things about their recoveries, and those were the stories that I clung onto when I was told I would be having a c-section after all.

Of course, everyone is different. And there are lots of reasons that one might have a harder (or easier) recovery than another person. I had no major complications, though my incision did end up almost 13 inches long and I am still pretty bruised from the mashing they did on me to get him out.

I wanted to finish writing about my recovery, so that I remember if someone later asks me, and also for anyone random Googlers of "c-section recovery" out there...

I am now ten days out from my c-section, and I would say that I am 90% back to normal. As of yesterday, I am not taking Motrin anymore (the only pain medicine I have really needed). I can get out of bed, bend down, twist around, and walk without pain. Other than not lifting heavy things (including Henry) I am not really limiting my activities at all, though wanting to spend lots of time snuggling and nursing this sweet little thing

makes it easier for me to "take it easy" rather than overdoing it with housework or running around. But I have taken Sophia to a party, gone shopping, done laundry, gone out to dinner, met friends for coffee, and taken Wyatt to the pediatrician a couple of times - all things I would normally be doing a week postpartum.

So what's not normal yet? The lifting - I hate not being able to pick up Henry. But I am committed to making sure my insides heal okay, and would hate to make it this far and then re-tear a muscle or something. The pain - I do have a little bit of stinging/burning pain occasionally at the edges of my incision, but nothing too bad or needing pain medicine. The clothes - aside from having a much more pronounced belly (basically, I do still look at least 6 months pregnant!) than ever before after having a baby, it is also still uncomfortable for waistbands to hit at my incision. So, I have been cutting the elastic off the front of my underwear and wearing either fold-over yoga pants or maternity jeans with a soft belly panel. Or dresses. Or just a t-shirt and locking the front door.

So, although it has definitely been harder of a recovery than my other births, there has been nothing just terrible about having a c-section. Because I only get limited maternity leave, every day is precious to me. With my other births, I probably lost one or two days after birth to "recovery" time for me, whereas this time I would say I lost about a week. But it sure was worth it for a healthy Wyatt!

Books for Boys

2011-10-20T05:37:00.001-05:00

We got Henry this set of books for Christmas last year, when it became very clear that he was going to fully live out the vehicle-obsessed boy stereotype!

Henry has a big metal basket of board books (plus more stacked up next to it) but he will dig through it until he finds one of these books almost every time. And once I've read it, he says "again!" before I even finish closing the book. And again. And again. And again.

They are really cute books, with bright colors and simple but not annoying sentences (you know what I'm talking about!) - if I were a toddler boy, I would love these books.

And as a mom, you know what is making me very happy these days? Having two little boys to read to!

Wordless Wednesday ~ One Week Ago Today ~ Wyatt's Birth Day

2011-10-19T10:35:00.001-05:00

(a day early, because blogger won't let me schedule this post for some reason - maybe because cuteness can't wait!)

C-Section

2011-10-16T21:15:00.001-05:00

Well, now that I have had a medicated vaginal hospital delivery, a homebirth, and a c-section, and I wrote a post about my homebirth experience, I thought I would do a post about my c-section.

First of all, I have ZERO regrets about having a c-section. After the losses we have had and the scares of this pregnancy, I know all too well that truly the only thing that matters is the safe delivery of a healthy baby. For many reasons, I think the least-invasive safe delivery of a healthy baby is best for everyone involved (I can say that with even more conviction now that I've had all modes of delivery), but there is no part of me that second-guesses or doubts our decision to have Wyatt via c-section. I am lucky that I have had a natural birth, so I don't feel cheated out of that experience or like I will never know what it's like. I am also lucky that Wyatt is our last baby, so I haven't affected future deliveries with the section.

The biggest difference to me between a natural birth and a c-section is ridiculously obvious now that I put it in writing... it's how UNnatural the experience was. I was truly shocked with Henry's labor and delivery just how natural it all was. We had taken no childbirth classes, and no one at the birth was telling me what was going on or what I needed to do - my body knew EXACTLY what to do. I forgot even the things I read - all of my coping mechanisms, all the ways I moved and didn't move, when to push and not push, etc. were done completely passively by my body and not by any decisions on my part. It blew my mind, and I don't think I've ever done anything that felt so natural.

On the other hand, having a c-section was just freakish. Really. The closest analogy I can think of, and what I thought of when it was happening, was that this is what it might feel like to be abducted by aliens. I can't even describe the weirdness of feeling people taking your organs out and reaching up inside of your cut open abdomen while you're awake. I had a small panic attack when I first got to the OR, partly because I had had only about 40 minutes to think about the fact that I was about to have a c-section. And of course I had spent that whole time thinking about Wyatt and not the fact that I was about to have surgery. So when it finally hit me that I was there to get cut open, it freaked me out. Whereas going into labor with Henry was exhilarating and I had a total peace about it, going into the c-section was scary.

The hardest thing about having a c-section has been how sad I am that it is affecting my ability to be a mother to my children. I kept apologizing to Wyatt in the hospital that he has such a lame mom - several times he had to cry hungrily while I wiggled and squirmed my way up to get him out of his bassinet. I was completely awkward changing his diaper and burping him the first few times. Simple things like being able to get down and kneel next to Amelia's bed at bedtime to pray and say good night like we always do, it makes me so sad that I can't. And probably most of all, I am heartbroken for Henry. More than probably ever in his life, he wants and needs me to pick him up and snuggle him and physically love on him. I remember when Amelia was born, Sophia (who had always been a great sleeper) started waking up at night, and all she needed was some extra TLC - I would go into her room and just hold and kiss her until she fell back asleep and after a couple of weeks, she was back to sleeping through the night. It kills me that when Henry reaches his arms up to me, I can't swoop down and pick him up. We're learning to sit and have him crawl up next to me, but I am even scared to let him onto my lap yet, for fear that he will accidentally hurt my incision. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do things like bathe the kids or pick them up, but I am shocked at how much I can't do for/with them, and I hate it.

Pain wise... there is not even a comparison between the births. Henry's was by FAR the least painful birth (labor, birth, and recovery), followed by Amelia and Sophia, followed by Wyatt. Even recovering from a third degree tear, the pain after a c-section is just a lot worse. Having said that, it's really not as bad as I had feared. I was really scared, remembering how much pain I was in after having my gall bladder out. But having an incision at the bottom of my abdomen compared to the top makes it less painful to move around. And just like with a vaginal delivery, the distraction of having a sweet newborn makes the pain much easier to ignore. It's been surprisingly nice to have a totally in-tact and un-painful perineum after birth - there have been several times that I've been consciously thankful for that. But people who actually WANT to have a c-section because they are scared of the pain of childbirth are crazy nuts.

Obviously the recovery time is totally different. With all of my vaginal deliveries, I was pretty much back to my normal physical state within 24 hours - going shopping, doing laundry, etc. With Henry, the midwife had to scold me to get back in bed about 20 minutes after he was born, when she caught me standing up and digging through a laundry basket of clean clothes to find a robe.

I am only 4 days out from surgery, but I thought I would also write down some of the things that I was told or have come up with that I think have helped this be about as painless and good of an experience as it can be. I also wanted to write down how my recovery has been so far, because I know this is the kind of thing I'll forget very soon. I was so thankful for my friends who had had c-sections, who told me what to expect and gave me advice - so I want to remember this stuff if someone asks later.

Wyatt was born at 11:45 in the morning. The first 12 hours after the surgery I was pretty immobile. I really didn't move at all - as my friend Susan said, "just enough to keep from getting bed sores!" Ha! It actually worried me, how much it hurt just to try to roll to one side or sit up. Getting Wyatt out of his bassinet, getting in position or nurse him, trying to burp him and change his diapers - those were all really hard at first. A video camera in my room would have been funny, as I am sure I looked ridiculous wiggling around trying to make it work. The good thing is...

Right around midnight, which is when they started my IV Toradol (the best!), the pain got 1000x better and I was able to move around in the bed without much trouble. The Toradol was a lot more effective for me than the epidural Fentanyl. For the rest of the night, I was able to take care of Wyatt without problems and really didn't have much pain. Going from laying to sitting was painful, so I slept mostly upright in my bed.

At around 10 am on Day 1 after surgery, I got out of bed. I had a lot of people standing around ready to catch me if I fell, but I had no trouble getting out of bed by myself. Everything - like stretching out when I stood up - hurt at first, but I found out that after I powered through that, it was so much easier the next time. I shuffled to the bathroom, sat on the toilet, and gave myself the most awesome sponge bath EVER! Seriously, it was wonderful because I felt really gross. The nurses changed my bedding and gave me a new gown, and I even brushed my hair - aah!

24 hours after surgery, I started walking around the room regularly. Several people had told me to walk as much and as early as possible, and I really do think it made a big difference. About every hour or so, I would get out of bed and just piddle around the room for about 10 minutes and then lay back down. Around 3pm on Day 1, I asked them to take out my epidural. Honestly, I didn't feel any difference - I think the Toradol was really what was keeping my pain away. And the epidural made me itchy. After that, I started walking the halls. I pushed Wyatt's bassinet and did two laps around the unit, which also took about 10-14 minutes. I did that three times on Day 1, as well as continuing to get out of bed regularly to go to the bathroom (I drink a LOT of water when I'm first breastfeeding!) and just walk around the room. Going from sitting to standing, or lying to sitting, was still painful all day, but only during those transitions.

On Day 2, I was disconnected from my IV and was finally free from all tubes and monitors. I got up pretty early and packed up all my stuff - I was excited after my doctor saw me and agreed to let me go home! I did take the Percocet they had prescribed me for the first time, because I was scared of how I would feel once the Toradol left my system. I was having some burning pain around my incision and it still hurt to transition from lying to sitting to standing, but everything was tolerable. I went home at around 2 pm on Day 2.

I discovered that actually the more I was on my feet, the better I felt. If I spent too long in bed, I would feel really achy and sore afterwards. Plus I was just REALLY happy to be home! So when I got home, I spent the rest of the afternoon straightening up the house (no bending down to the floor or lifting - just putting away dishes, etc.) and just walking around. The only medicine I took at this point was Motrin every 6 hours - I did take that every 6 hours regardless of whether I was hurting or not. I was still having burning pain around my incision, so I decided to put one of those perineal cold pads that I used after my vaginal deliveries on my incision. Oh my gosh, it felt SO good! I kept one on my incision for the next two days, and it made ALL my incision discomfort go away. Late on Day 2, I decided to take a nap after nursing the baby, and without thinking about it, I laid down flat on my back... until I woke up and was stuck there like a turtle! I hadn't thought about the fact that at the hospital I used the automatic bed to get up and down. Davis helped me up while I yelled and said bad words. After that, I slept propped up on a few pillows, with more pillows piled next to me. When it was time to get up, I'd stuff those other pillows behind my back to slowly bring myself up. By the middle of Day 3, I wasn't having any more trouble sitting up normally.

Today was Day 3. Honestly, I feel fine. Other than not lifting anything and not bending down to the floor, I have been about as active as I might normally be on a weekend day at home - fixing lunch and taking care of the house and kids, but nothing too ambitious -dinner was leftovers from the wonderful spaghetti that someone from church brought us last night. I have found that I DO need to keep taking the Motrin. I ran out this morning and didn't take it for most of the night and day, but I got pretty sore after about 10 hours and am back on it now. As long as I take the Motrin, I'm not really having much pain. I am just achy and sore, maybe like I would feel the day after a strenuous work out. The thing that's bothering me the most, actually, is the tape burn I have from my surgical dressing - it is very raised and red and itchy. I have been putting cortisone cream on it, and that is helping a little. I have also found that, other than on Day 1, the afterpains haven't been nearly as bad this time as before, and I think it's because I have been really good about drinking Red Raspberry Leaf Tea - I drink about 3 strong cups a day.

One thing I was worried about was breastfeeding, because I had heard it can be harder after a c-section. I don't know if it's because this is my fourth baby, but I really didn't find that to be the case. I have a huge gross belly between by boobs and my incision, so I haven't had any trouble nursing in normal positions. Only the first 12 hours were hard, because I couldn't move well to re-position myself or baby.

So, in a nutshell, my advice would be:

1. Get up and walk as soon as you can after surgery. Without wearing yourself out, walk as often as you can.

2. Use non-steroidal anti-inflammatory medications (Toradol in the hospital/Motrin at home) - honestly, I think they work way better than narcotics.

3. Get some perineal cold pads (the L&D unit has them, so snag those, but you can order more online) and put them on your incision.

4. Drink Red Raspberry Leaf Tea starting one cup a day your whole third trimester and increase after 36 weeks (I never did, because of my preterm labor) and then drink lots after the baby is born.

So, that was my c-section experience. NOW I need to figure out how to get back in shape, lose the EIGHTY pounds I need to lose to get back to my pre-kids weight, and tone up this INSANE belly!! But first... there's a baby who needs snuggles next to me :)

P.S. - I just remembered, I have started taking arnica tablets too. Because they had so much trouble getting Wyatt out and were mashing on me, cutting more, using the vacuum, etc. I am pretty bruised up around my incision. We'll see if it helps.

Welcoming Wyatt

2011-10-14T21:31:00.003-05:00

Wyatt Clark
born Wednesday, October 12 at 11:47 a.m.
6 lbs 10 oz, 18.5 inches

I'm going to write this ALL out right now with probably a million sleep-deprived typos and post all of these un-edited pictures, because I'm afraid if I don't, I'll get busy and never will...

I was having contractions on and off all of Tuesday afternoon and night, but they were never really convincing labor-like contractions, so I went to bed and mostly slept through them. Wednesday morning, as Davis was rushing to get the kids off to school, I got out of bed to realize I was bleeding heavily. While panicking and trying to sound like I was totally not panicking, I mentioned to Davis that they were going to drop me off at the hospital (which is luckily just a few minutes from our house AND directly on the way to the kids' school). An ultrasound revealed that a bunch of baby's umbilical cord plus his placenta were between his head and my cervix. So

and less than hour later he was born! It was so crazy fast, I couldn't believe it. I had told Davis to go ahead and put Henry down for a nap while I was waiting for the doctor to show up, just to have my friend call him back a short while later as they were getting ready to send me to the OR, telling him to hurry up and get back to the hospital.

This picture was taken right before they told us no pictures until baby was out and cleaned off - boo!

Having a c-section was by far one of the freakiest experiences of my life. It was just a WEIRD feeling. He didn't want to come out and I actually felt him retreat up into my chest right as they were getting ready to get him out - it got a little scary for a couple of minutes (which felt like forever) as they were trying to get him - the doctor and nurse pushed on my chest while telling me to take really deep breaths to try to push him down, then the doctor ended up cutting some more and using the vacuum to get him out. His cord was wrapped tightly several times around his neck, and he came out pale and limp and not crying - I'm glad I didn't see that part. Thankfully they were able to stimulate him really quickly, and he scored 8 and 9 on his APGARS - good boy!

Getting foot-printed

I was so thankful to have him out and healthy after all the scariness of this pregnancy. I told the doctor when he said c-section that I was so done being scared, I didn't care what they did! I just laid there while they were sewing me up, listening to Wyatt's very healthy sounding wailing and thanked God over and over again.

Once we got back to the room, the hardest thing was not getting to hold Wyatt or even see him up close. My blood pressure was too low and they kept me laying really flat while they finished getting him cleaned up... or something. I don't really know what they were doing, it just took forever! Then Daddy got him

Our precious and wonderful friends finally got to come in after waiting in the waiting room, and we prayed over Wyatt and again I was so thankful and happy. And is there anything better than being a new mom and hearing a constant stream of people telling you how perfect and beautiful your baby is? I don't think so :)

Let me just say, though, I was a huge grouch about being in the hospital. I just really hated it - nurses and other hospital people were constantly bugging me. I mean CONSTANTLY day and night. And I was hooked up to a ridiculous number of tubes. I got no sleep - if it wasn't someone poking me or waking me up for something, it was the helicopter taking off outside my window or my IV beeping. Sure, I could tell the recovery from a c-section was going to be harder than my vaginal births, but I was totally asking the doctor if I could go home the next day... he said no, though we did make it out at just over 48 hours.

I did have a sweet view from my bed

and when Wyatt woke up, it was this

which is just as sweet - love that sound! Even in the middle of the night.

After school on Wednesday, some very excited kids came to see us! First, this big guy walked in with his big brother button, suddenly looking so, so much older to me

Until he climbed up a chair and into the bassinet and did this

Sweet, sweet baby boy.

I actually have a TON more pictures that my friend Paula took - and she got amazing pictures from when the big kids met Wyatt (as well as everything else) so I'll post those when I get them from her.

The girls were in love!

Sophia sat on my bed and did homework like this on Thursday

Her first grade class made us a card - how sweet is that??

Following the advice of some c-section veterans, I got out of bed as soon as I could Thursday morning and started walking. By Thursday afternoon I had my epidural out and was walking around the unit with Wyatt, who was wide awake and looking around

I actually felt really good. The only time I would really hurt is when I'd stay in bed too long and then move. Well, that and afterpains with baby #4 - they really do get worse every time! Getting up and walking and being off the heavy duty pain meds I think helped convince my doctor that I could go home on day 2 - yay!!

That picture cracks me up, but it's one of the very few ones I have on my camera that proves I was actually present during all of this! I know Paula got a bunch more.

Henry is such a great big brother already, I love it. I can't wait to see the relationship between these two brothers as they get older

The girls pretty much spent the rest of today fighting over who got to hold Henry

Sophia even learned how to burp him

Our friend Carla brought dinner (and happy birthday cupcakes!) while Wyatt took his first nap in his bassinet

When I got home, I set up a little nest for myself on the bed, so I couldn't have to get up in the middle of the night.

I probably spent way too much time on my feet this afternoon, uh, straightening up the house and getting everything from the hospital put away (no lifting though, so I didn't break any rules!) so I'm sure I'll be sore in the morning. But I feel good and am so SOOOOO happy to be sleeping in my own bed tonight, after taking a real shower. As soon as I hit publish, I am going to snoooooooze until I hear that sweet baby sound!

National Night Out

2011-10-04T20:37:00.004-05:00

Our neighborhood celebrated National Night Out tonight, which is a crime prevention event held every year. Usually it's in August, which is miserable, but this year it was in October and the weather was perfect! More than anything, it's just such an awesome opportunity to meet our neighbors, and it made me not want to ever move (something we've been going back and forth on so much lately, because according to everyone else's standards, our house is probably way too small for four kids - though I think we're doing just fine!) Anyway, it was so fun and the kids had a blast! I loved that there were SO many children there.

There were bounce houses and free hot dogs and live music and face painting

Henry played football with Davis

The girls enjoyed their hot dogs and chips while listening to the band

Henry watched the band upside down

And then he saw the fire truck and took off!

It was so neat that they had a female fighter there, because she talked to the girls about how girls can be fire fighter too. For my two girls who are scared of fire, this was great. Amelia especially got into it, asking what everything on the truck did and how it worked

Of course Henry was in boy heaven!

The police department was there fingerprinting kids to create ID cards for them - the girls just thought the whole finger printing process was neat. I love having their cards with their prints and all their information on them, so that if anything ever happened to them or they went missing, we could give them to the police.

We stayed until 8 p.m. - half an hour after the girls' bedtime! On a school night! I know, it's crazy (really, it kind of is, because I'm super strict about bedtime) But Davis and Henry walked home a little early and got the car to drive us home, and the tired kids passed out as soon as we got home. AND it was worth waiting till the very end - we won a raffle for a free oil change with our favorite neighborhood mechanic. :)

It was totally worth being naughty and getting out of the house for! My doctor said he would take me off bed rest on Thursday, and I've gotten up a few times in the past few days and have not noticed any more contractions, so I really think I'm in the clear at this point.

Waiting

2011-09-30T21:07:00.004-05:00

The view from my bed

a bassinet (with freshly washed bedding) and a bag packed for the hospital.

In his dresser, Wyatt's clothes wait, smelling sweetly of Dreft.

24 little newborn cloth diapers are stacked in the changing table. Another car seat sits by the door, waiting to be installed in the newly detailed car. The house is clean, the refrigerator and pantry are stocked and the freezer is full of casseroles. October's bills have been paid, birthday gifts and cards have been sent off, regrets have been conveyed for all meetings and social engagements...

I know I've mentioned it before, so although I'm ashamed of it, it's no secret... I have hated this pregnancy. It has been too scary and filled with one "what if" after another. All I've wanted is to have this sweet baby safe in my arms, pretty much from the moment we found out I was pregnant. And now, very, very soon - I will!

I've been really grouchy the past few days - losing it more than once, being snippy with everyone in my family, and just plain wanting to scream that I am SICK OF BEING PREGNANT!! But... really, when I stop whining for a moment, I remember what a special time this is. With my other babies, these days and weeks before birth were just about my favorite time ever - the anticipation of waiting to meet your baby is unlike anything in the world. And so, we wait. And I am stopping daily - sometimes hourly - to remind myself to cherish these waiting days.

The Normals

2011-09-28T12:06:00.004-05:00

I haven't been blogging because... well, I've been sitting/laying in my bed for a couple of weeks and there isn't a lot going on in my life, or, sorry to say, my brain. But I got into a bit of a discussion on Facebook today, and it got me thinking about a topic that is obviously on my brain right now - giving birth and feeding a newborn.

I reacted to comments on Facebook by several people who said that feeding baby formula was the "easy way" and that breastfeeding was just so hard and inconvenient. First of all, I found the opposite to be true - formula feeding is a PAIN! When baby is a newborn and waking up in the middle of the night, who wants to get out of bed and go all the way to the kitchen to mix up/warm a bottle while baby wails, instead of just reaching over, getting baby out of the bassinet and nursing them back to sleep before anyone ever fully wakes up?! When Henry was ten months old and I was pregnant with Violet, my supply really tanked, and I was giving him formula about half the time and nursing him the other half. I can't tell you how many times my poor boy was out on some errand with me screaming and hungry, because his bad momma had forgotten to pack a bottle - I was just so used to the ease of always having his food supply with me!

But aside from the fact that I disagree about formula feeding being more convenient, I really have a problem with people going around talking about how hard breastfeeding is. I think we have really turned things upside down in our society by taking perfectly normal as-nature-intended things like breastfeeding and giving birth, and making them into some heroically difficult feats that women must choose to overcome... or choose the alternative, the "easy" way of giving baby a bottle or having a medically-managed delivery.

When we talk about how hard breastfeeding is, and we show images on TV of birth as this horrifically scary, painful, and dramatic event, we scare new mothers! We create doubt. So many women never even try to breastfeed or have a normal delivery, because they have been so programmed to think these things are too difficult. Even those who try, often are set up for failure and give up too soon, because again, they have been told over and over again that they are doing some really hard thing. SURE, there are challenges to breastfeeding and of course giving birth hurts... but we all accept that when we become pregnant we will deal with morning sickness, and backaches, and stretch marks, and heartburn, and swollen feet. There's no alternative - we just know going into it that's what's normal, and we deal with it and move on. Well, if we as a society started saying it's NORMAL for newborns to wake up every couple of hours, it's NORMAL for your nipples to be sore at first, it's NORMAL for your milk not to come in for a day or two and babies are made for that, it's NORMAL for your supply to fluctuate, etc. then moms would go into breastfeeding expecting those obstacles, dealing with them, and continuing on. Similarly, we need to say that it's NORMAL for labor to progress slowly and sometimes stall for a little while, it's NORMAL for contractions to hurt and our bodies are made to withstand that pain, it's NORMAL for baby to crown for a long time, it's NORMAL for baby's heart rate to vary some during birth, etc. then women wouldn't buy into their doctors' arguments that it's time for pitocin and forcepts and c-sections.

I just never really considered NOT breastfeeding an option for me, so when I encountered obstacles (and I did), I just sought out solutions and plowed through it. Not because I felt formula feeding was evil (in fact, I chose to start supplementing with formula once my kids reached 7-10 months, because I wanted to cut out one of my pumping sessions at work), but because I just thought breastfeeding was the way to go - my body was created to feed my baby and my baby was created to drink human milk, so I knew we could do it. I remember after my deliveries, Davis said afterwards that he couldn't believe I never screamed - he had witnessed countless "births" in movies and on TV, and every single one of them portrayed the same thing - a mom screaming at the top of her lungs, in sheer panic, with doctors and nurses running around frantically as if baby and mom would die any minute. It's ridiculous. The VAST majority of births are not medical emergencies, nor are they unbearably painful or traumatic - mothers and babies were made for this and we've been doing it since the beginning of humanity. If we started showing THAT side of birth and talking about birth as NORMAL, the same way we talk about pregnancy as being NORMAL, women would stop doubting themselves and just let their bodies do their thing. Honestly, between pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding - I would say pregnancy is the hardest. All the hardships of giving birth and breastfeeding are very transient, whereas the hardships of pregnancy each last at least several weeks. So why are women making it through 40 weeks of the hard stuff, only to believe they can't make it through a 90 second contraction or a few days of sore nipples? Because we have created alternatives and led women to believe that formula feeding and intervention-heavy births are the norm, and breastfeeding and natural birth is for those crazy women who are more brave or more crunchy or more something than they are.

Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful that we have created baby formula and medical delivery interventions - there are babies who are healthier because they had formula available to them when they were orphaned or some medical issue kept them from being able to be breastfed. I'm thankful that I had the option to pump less and give my older infants formula. I'm thankful that when they thought I had vasa previa, I knew we would most likely be okay because I could have a c-section and have access to a fabulous NICU. I don't begrudge moms the choice of giving their baby formula, of getting an epidural or having a c-section. I just wish that moms (especially first time moms) went into the decision with the perspective of knowing that breastfeeding is what's NORMAL and NATURAL and what our bodies and babies were MADE FOR, and that they are perfectly capable of giving birth without drugs and episiotomies. I wish their decisions were made not because of the doubt that we as a culture have created.

I think it's time to start telling our daughters and our new mother friends, and to start showing on TV and in movies, that the NORMAL is breastfeeding and the NORMAL is for mom to deliver baby without interventions. We need to empower women to believe that their bodies were created to do this. If a doctor tells them that their baby is "too big" to be born vaginally, or a friend tells them that they just need to give up breastfeeding because they don't make enough milk, a confident mom should feel empowered to question them. They should know that true cephalopelvic disproportion is very rare and that changes in milk production are normal and low supply can usually be remedied. That is not to say that these are NEVER the case, but that they are so unusual that more than likely they are not the case and should be questioned before alternatives like c-sections and formula are chosen.

Yes, I'm happy that formula exists, I'm happy women can choose epidurals and that c-sections are available and relatively safe now. BUT they are not normal and not natural. That's just a fact.

33 Weeks

2011-09-17T16:03:00.002-05:00

I thought I would get in a pregnancy update before baby comes!

Baby Wyatt is a little over 4 pounds, and he can now tell the difference between night and day (for Wyatt that means day = sleep, night = boogie!) He is pretty active now, which makes me SO happy, because up until now he has been pretty mellow. I think he's finally (hopefully!) stopped doing somersaults, and most just likes to wiggles his hands and feet.

I am feeling good - just trying so hard to keep contractions at bay. I am craving gyros and candy apples, which have been the same cravings I've had every pregnancy. I'm also loving oranges and peaches, and am way too addicted to Metromint water. It's SO much yummier than just plain water, and when I have to chug water all day, it's great. But it's kind of ridiculously expensive.

Other than some heartburn, swelling, and normal 8-month pregnancy fun, I really do feel good, and I'm so thankful for that. I LOVE the end of pregnancy - I've talked about it before, it is just such a special time. That anticipation and getting ready to meet your baby, there is nothing in the world like it. Knowing this is my last time, I just want to cherish every single second of it! Wyatt's bassinet and crib are set up, his bitty clothes are washed and folded in his drawer, and he has a family (and many friends) who are so looking forward to seeing his sweet little face! But we are all praying that he stays put a few more weeks, so he can skip the whole hospital ordeal and be with his family where he belongs.

Report From Bed - 1

2011-09-16T22:36:00.003-05:00

Tuesday night, I started having some regular contractions - about 3 minutes apart - but they weren't painful or getting worse. They weren't getting better either. So after a couple of hours or trying to drink water and lay down, I went into Labor & Delivery, just to get everything checked out. They decided that I was having too many contractions, too close together, and gave me a shot of terbutaline to stop things. The contractions did stop, and a few hours later I was back home.

All day Wednesday, which was a busy work day, I had crampy contractions, but they weren't regular. But by the evening they got more and more regular, and suddenly around midnight, they also became quite painful. I went back to L&D and was having pretty powerful contractions

and they had dilated my cervix 2 cm since the night before. Things kicked into high gear and I got stuck by seven needles in one hour - normally shots don't bother me, but toward the end I was really dreading them! Thankfully they did their job, the contractions spaced out pretty quickly after a couple of hours. By the morning I was only having about 2 contractions an hour, and they no longer hurt. The terbutaline (they switched me to an oral dose every 4 hours after the shots) made me very jittery and I was totally unable to sleep. I was discharged around noon - on bed rest. I came home and got caught up on some work from bed, but I felt pretty awful until I finally got some sleep last night!

I am SO thankful that I have made it to 33 weeks before going on bed rest! It seems so much more manageable, and also less scary, to face preterm labor at 33 weeks instead of 29 weeks (like with Henry)! I am also incredibly lucky that I have a job that allows me to work from home. Not only am I able to keep earning a living, but it is a huge blessing to have something that keeps me busy during the day. And I am SO blessed with the most wonderful friends in the world! Within minutes of posting on Facebook that I was on bed rest, I cannot count the number of friends who checked on me, offered to bring meals, keep the kids, come visit, do anything I needed! The girls took it all in stride - Sophia and I laid in bed and did her homework yesterday afternoon, Amelia brought me a pile of books to read, and Henry has already discovered he can climb onto my bed anytime for extra snuggles! And my husband, oh he is the best - after keeping the kids and house under control alone all day, he went to Kroger and got me candy apples and Metromint water - I can't get enough of either! I am one lucky girl!

So, if you could say a little prayer that Baby Wyatt stays put at least for another 3 to 4 weeks, that would be very appreciated! I am still having some contractions here and there, but so far nothing too bad... let's hope it stays that way and we have an uneventful few weeks :)

Thank you, friends!

Forgiveness

2011-09-14T20:53:00.005-05:00

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
Lewis Smedes

The topic of forgiveness has been on my mind and heart all summer. It was the topic of our sermon in church Sunday. I have had several great conversations with friends about forgiveness lately. When I can't stop thinking about something, it's usually time to blog about it!

When I wonder, to what lengths are we called upon to forgive? The answer is simple. "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." That is the answer to every excuse we may come up with about why we have NOT forgiven something. But what he did was TOO wrong... But it hasn't been long enough... But she's not sorry yet...

Now that we have that out of the way - the question of whether our faith really requires that we forgive under these circumstances - the hard part is the how. C.S. Lewis said "every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive." And it's true, it is much easier to recognize the theoretical value of forgiveness, to acknowledge the spiritual need to forgive, than to actually DO the forgiving.

One reason I wanted to write about this, is because I feel like I have been given a gift. And when I talk about it, it sounds like bragging, like I've figured out something that's hard for other people, and that is why I have NOT wanted to blog about it - because that is not it AT ALL. Believe me, I am absolutely no better of a person than anyone else (quite the contrary - I am in need of much forgiveness myself every day!!). I am just blessed, and I have been my whole life - long before I recognized it. I can forgive - sometimes easier and faster than other times - and when I forgive, I completely forgive, and I forget. We all have our trials, and I also don't want to sound like I have led some horrible life or been some sort of martyr. But I have had people hurt me in my life, deeply. And I have forgiven all of them. And I can honestly tell you that I cannot evoke any feelings of anger or hurt toward them. Some acts against me were big enough that I have not forgotten what happened (though in many, many instances I have), I have forgotten the feelings of mine that those actions brought on.

In one case, a man did something awful to me when I was twelve years old - I remember a lot of things about that night, but I do not remember him. I have lots of reasons to, but I don't. I could not begin to tell you what he looks like, and I don't know his last or his first name. I know the hurt that his actions caused me in the years that followed. But today, I know that pain and the turmoil that it caused in my life brought me to where I am today and made me into the person that I am now. I have been able to look another hurting person in the eye and say "I know" because of what happened. I am stronger and different because of what happened. And so I no longer hurt because of it. And him? Why do I not hate him? Why do I not even remember him? Because he doesn't matter. What mattered was what God ultimately did with me and my life. That is my journey. That man, wherever his life has taken him since, has his own journey. And I have no doubt that God is in charge of it too, so I don't have to worry about it. I don't have to be angry that his prison sentence was too short. I don't have to think about his own children and what his actions did to their lives. I don't have to wonder whether he is sorry or whether he ever realized how much hurt he caused. It's not MY problem, thank God.

And that brings me to what I believe the biggest part of forgiveness is - it is FAITH. Faith that our Father is truly in charge. If we believe that God is the ultimate judge, then we must let go of our own judgment. If we believe that God determines the fate of people's lives and souls, then we can let go of the burden of trying to see that justice through. I don't have to spend the rest of my life keeping track of, thinking about, wondering whether my offender is sorry, whether he "got what he deserved." I can lay that burden down. Because I believe with all of my heart that my Heavenly Father is taking care of it for me. And oh, my friends, THAT is the most amazing blessing EVER!!

When we carry a hurt around, when we are angry, when we stew and obsess and re-live over and over again, it is US being hurt. And I have been there. There have been months and months that I have carried that burden with me - and it is like a cancer that eats away at me. It poisons my spirit and ruins my every day. It creeps in whenever my mind is still, it comes to remind me that "all is not well" when I am happy, and it weighs me down. When there are people in my life with whom I am angry or disappointed, I feel burdened in a way that I cannot stand.

But the temptation to withhold forgiveness is strong sometimes. Why? Our human nature for some reason makes us believe that revenge is sweet. We think that inflicting pain on someone who has hurt us will make it better. Self-righteous anger can be like a drug - even though it is eating at us, ruining our lives, we cling to it. If we can get others to see how we have been wronged, and to join us in condemning and judging our offender, even better. But why? What good does it bring us? How are we healed from our hurt? How can we ever be free?

This sounds funny, but there have been times that it is a disadvantage that I can't remember most wrongs once I have forgiven them. There are people who are no longer in my life, because they were hurtful to me and I chose no longer to associate with them regularly. But now I hold no animosity toward them - I know they were not a positive influence on my life and therefore are not a regular part of it, but I have no memory of why. Once I forgave them, I forgot what hurtful thing they did or said to me. It can be weird sometimes if I encounter them and cannot remember our falling out - but it allows me to smile and say hello. And I don't mind if my mistake is that I am too kind to someone. Even in my marriage - I'm often at a disadvantage during arguments, because I cannot bring up past examples of my husband's bad deeds. I just don't remember.

But ultimately, because all of those wrongdoings are gone, I am free. And the reason I am writing this blog post, is that I wish everyone could know what this freedom feels like. I have been chained by anger and holding grudges, and I know what that feels like. It makes me hurt for everyone out there who is unable to forgive.

One friend I was speaking with recently said, "you should write out your recipe for how to forgive." And so here is my attempt, for anyone who might be struggling with this right now, to share what has worked for me.

1. Pray. It is God who commands us to forgive, and He will help us.

2. Ask yourself: Do you believe that our Savior calls upon us to forgive any wrong done to us by anyone?

3. Ask yourself: Do you believe that it is God's responsibility to judge others and oversee ultimate justice?

4. Think about your actions in the wrong that was committed. You are not confessing anything to anyone else, so feel free to be completely honest with yourself. Are you disappointed in yourself, do you feel responsible for any part of what happened? The answer may be no, but if it is yes, it is helpful to spend some time reflecting on what you have learned from this experience.

5. Think about your offender. Do you believe that he or she is an important person in your life?

a. If the answer is yes (such as a parent or spouse) think about the action or actions that person has done to hurt you. Think about your expectations of that person. In order to continue to have this person in your life, are you expecting them to change who they are? For sure, there are actions that are wrong, which should not be repeated and can be forgiven individually. But you cannot change who that other person is. If your parent has let you down your whole life, you have the option to forgive him or her for not being the best parent to you, to acknowledge that this is the parent that God gave you, and to move forward in your relationship with the understanding that you may have to lower your expectations of them. That does not mean that you have to put up with abuse, but it means you can stop being disappointed that they are not someone else. You can discover the limits of the relationship by saying "I will never be able to rely on my mother for____" and stop seeking that. And then think about what relationship you CAN have - and then let go of your disappointment and expectation and move forward. Your parents will not be around forever, and I promise you that ultimately you will be blessed if you have made peace with them before they are gone. In the case of your spouse, this blog post could get too long (it already is!) so let me just say - if I am going to be with someone for the rest of our lives, I would much rather love them than hate them!

b. If the answer is no, this person is not an important person in your life, then your job is much easier. Although whatever they have done to you has caused you pain, you are solely in control over how much continued pain you allow this person to inflict upon you. What is done, is done. You can now focus on how God will shape your life and your character as a result, you can look hopefully toward a day when you recognize the blessings that come from the pain you are feeling. What you cannot do is undo what happened. You also have no control over how your offender feels. It is not your job to follow up on God to make sure he really takes care of the situation. And so you can let this other person go - they will go from your life and no longer be a person of consequence to you. You may even forget their name, forget the words they have spoken to you, forget the things that anger you about them... none of those things matter any more. This is not an important person in your life. Forgive them, because you want to be free. Forgive them because you want to be filled with love and not hate. Forgive them because you have good things to do in this world and you cannot waste your energy chasing them down (in your mind or literally keeping tabs on them).

6. Follow through. From this day forward, your words and your actions will no longer be motivated by anger or resentment. From this day forward, your actions will be motivated by love. The Dalai Lama said "the more you are motivated by love, the more fearless and free your action will be.” If you have carried a wrong with you for a long time, you may have to break the habit of acting in bitterness. Stop, before you speak or act, and ask yourself WHY you are taking a certain action or saying a certain thing - is it to hurt the other person? Is it because you doubt that they will face the consequences of their action? Are you acting/speaking in forgiveness or in resentment? When you open your mouth, remember, "words which do not give the light of Christ increase the darkness." (Mother Theresa) It might take a few times, maybe even a few months or even years, but eventually you will not have to stop yourself in this way. Eventually you will be in the habit of acting in forgiveness toward that person, and it will come naturally to you.

Forgiving is not easy. But we can do hard things. It makes us better.

I Love You, Cool Weather!

2011-09-13T05:45:00.000-05:00

This has been the hottest summer ever. on. record. in Arkansas. And I'm pregnant. To say it's been miserable is really an understatement - there were so many days that I just wanted the day to be over, because I couldn't stand the heat.

But the past week has been AMAZING! As soon as the weather turned cooler, even though I was really sick, I was just so much happier! I think pretty much everyone in Arkansas has felt that way.

Labor Day was our first cool day, so for Family Night, we went to a state park close by and grilled hot dogs, played on the playground, went for a walk, and just tried to suck in all the lovely fall-ness in the air!

None of us wanted to leave the park, and we stayed past bedtime.

Solutions

2011-09-11T20:50:00.002-05:00

I just thought I'd do another organizing post. I was just talking with a friend about how living in a small house has forced us to be careful about not accumulating too much stuff and also to be creative with our storage. Our little bungalow was built in 1936, and other than one very small closet per bedroom (3), we have no closets. We do a big clothing purge at every season change, and we give away at least one giant box of toys before every Christmas. I'd want to do that even if we had unlimited closet space!

But with soon to be four kids, we really needed a solution for coats, hats, gloves, rain boots, etc. We had some room at the end of a hallway - there's a door there, but we never use it, because on the other side is a door in Henry's room that we have blocked off. So a few weeks ago, my sister in law and I headed to my favorite antique store, in search of a wardrobe.

I ended up getting this rustic cabinet - it was super cheap, and exactly the dimensions of the hallway (it took a little taking apart and putting back together to get it in the spot).

Behind the mirror is a tall cabinet. Davis hung a rod, and that's where everyone's jackets and coats are. On the floor of the cabinet are everyone's rain boots. The top cabinet on the right had a very rickety mirror that kept falling out, so I replaced it with some fabric - that cabinet is the perfect spot for bags (kids' little overnight bags/backpacks, extra diaper bags, library bag, etc. - it's surprisingly deep). And the drawers are just perfect - one for umbrellas, one for gloves, one for hats, one for scarves, and one that's still EMPTY!

One of the things that's hard about having the kids in school and me working, is that Davis picks them up from school at 3 o'clock, and I don't get home until a couple of hours later. Last year, we kept having issues with important school papers getting lost during those two hours! It seemed like I was always searching for permission slips under the car seats. When Sophia was taking dance, Davis and I were always having frantic phone conversations 30 minutes before her lesson about where her tights or ballet shoes or leotard were.

So, now the rule is that when the girls get in the car at school, they throw their backpacks (or in Amelia's case, the little canvas bag the school provides for pre-K kids) in the front passenger seat (so they're not tempted to open them in the back seat on the way home!) And when they get home, they hang them on hooks underneath their initials on the big bulletin board

When I get home, I know everything will still be there for me. Usually Sophia sits down with me at 5 and does homework at the dining room table while I start dinner and look through their folders.

Underneath their school bags, on their hooks, they each have a sports bag. Sophia's soccer bag has her ball, cleats, shin guards, uniform, sunscreen, and water bottle in it.

Amelia's dance bag has her tap and ballet shoes, tights, and leotards in it.

Sunday nights, I wash their uniforms and stick them back in the bags, where they stay until practice/class/games. No more searching!

Henry's hook has his diaper bag on it. I have always kept my diaper bag stocked, so that it's ready to go - when we get back from an outing, I clean it out/re-stock it as needed, which works so much better than trying to throw stuff together when you need to run out the door. Of course the contents change based on the age of my kids... right now it contains 3 cloth diapers, a wetbag, a travel package of disposable wipes, an extra shirt for Henry, an empty sippy cup, a little bag with raisins and Cheerios, a few matchbox cars, a bag of crayons and a little notepad, hand sanitizer, and sunscreen.

One the side of the pantry cabinet, to the left of the bulletin board, I hung a wire basket. That is where library books live. The girls are free to get them out and read them anytime, but as soon as they are done, the books go back in the basket rather than on their bookshelf (or anywhere else). This makes it easy to find them when they are due, and is also a good reminder to me to return them!

Speaking of books - see Sophia's reading caterpillar on the top of the bulletin board? He gets a circle for every book she reads on her own. When he gets to the end, we're having a party!

One more easy solution... I got this from my friend Holly, and I think it's just brilliant! When the weather is nice, we go to the zoo all the time - it is close to our house, and we have a membership so we can go however many times we want and often go for just an hour or two. But I never seem to have tokens (or dollar bills for buying tokens) for riding the train, and Davis can never find his zoo card... So I got this cute little wallet, and in it I put our zoo card, a bunch of zoo tokens, a few dollar bills (for lemonade!), and coupons I have for free stuff at the zoo that we get when we renew our membership. Now when Davis or I head to the zoo - we just grab the zoo wallet off the bulletin board and have everything we need!

There are days that I spend hours on Pinterest, looking at amazing mud rooms and beautiful big houses with lots of storage space, thinking about how nice it would be to have more space than stuff... but really, I am content with our little space for now, and it works.

Ballet and Soccer

2011-09-10T21:54:00.002-05:00

My apologies, my computer cord has not been working, and I've been sick as a dog for over a week. Thankfully I'm on the mend now (thanks, unfortunately, to handfuls of drugs).

But we've been busy!

Amelia started dance last week, and oh my gosh, she loves it so much! She does shows for us all the time, and asks just about every day how many more days until Monday. I think waiting until kids are really eager to participate in something before enrolling them is the way to go. I signed Sophia up for gymnastics and dance when she was 3 and 4 years old, just because everyone else was doing it (honestly), and I regret it - I mean, she had fun, but I can really see a difference in their joy and dedication when they start something after longing for and looking forward to it. I'm seeing the same thing with Sophia and violin and soccer - both things she has been wanting to do for about a year.

Anyway, here is Amelia on her first day of dance

Once lessons started, we had to watch through mini blinds and it was really hard to get a good shot - I felt like a private eye, taking pictures between the slats of the blinds. Aren't they adorable?!

Amelia really took it seriously and tried so hard. I'm so proud of her!

And Sophia started soccer the week before - Davis was a long-time soccer player and is really enjoying this time with Sophia, so he has been taking her to practice. But we all went to her first game Saturday morning. It was SO fun, and a gorgeous day too!

Warming up

Henry loved getting in the middle of the girls before the game - Davis finally ended up taking him to an unused part of the field for a little one on one soccer.

I was really impressed with these girls - they have only had two practices and this is their first game, and they all did great! Every girl on both teams did a great job.

It was really fun to watch!

I love this shot - they all played hard and tried their best!

Sophia was totally exhausted. Love it.

After the game, the parents (minus the really pregnant lazy ones with cameras, who stayed in their lawn chair) made a tunnel for the kids to run through after the teams congratulated each other.

I really, really like Sophia's coach. He is not only teaching them great soccer skills, but also good sportsmanship (he always congratulated the girls who scored goals - on both sides!) and he is just really positive and encouraging.

I am so happy that the girls have found activities that truly bring them joy, and that they are motivated to try really hard in. Whatever they undertake, it's important to me that they do their best - aside from my dedication not to over-commit our family, I also am going to expect them to try their best, which I think is easier when they are not doing a million different things.

And Henry - what kind of activities has he been up to? Well... chasing the cat

and he's discovered the girls' passion of swinging from trees

I swear, I gave birth to monkeys. I went to Sam's last weekend and bought SIX POUNDS of bananas - they were gone in less than three days!

School!

2011-08-30T22:33:00.002-05:00

Anyone with older kids will totally laugh at me, but I think it's HARD having kids in school! I love it - I love the routine, I love seeing my kids becoming more independent and confident and learning new things, I love picking them up and hearing about their day... but it is still hard.

Suddenly, our bulletin board looks like this (it was neat and tidy all summer)

Tonight I cleared it off and made things look neat again, but it's still FULL and I know the neatness won't last.

Tonight was curriculum night at the girls' school, and when I got home I had to do my homework

There were forms to fill out, checks to write (always!), things to put on the calendar, flash cards to make, and lots of papers to file away.

I know I will get the hang of it eventually (I have to - some day I'll have four in school at the same time!) but right now it seems a little overwhelming, keeping track of everything. I am so thankful to have both girls in the same school. Next year we will be juggling two schools again, and that's even harder - just trying to remember dates, volunteer enough to not be the worst parent at the school, etc.

But it was fun seeing the kids' classrooms now that their fingerprints are all over it - artwork on the walls, desks full, names on the sticker charts.

And I loved this pledge that all of Amelia's pre-K class signed!

There was also a little goal chart next to it - things they hoped to learn in pre-K. So cute. It was fun to hear about what they do in class, especially since Amelia doesn't tell us much.

Tonight at dinner, she proudly announced, "we learned how to spell red today!" She was beaming. We were all looking at her expectantly, finally I said, "how to do you spell red, Amelia?" and she said, "I forgot." Ha ha!

I didn't get any pictures in Sophia's room, but it is just the happiest, brightest, most cheerful classroom you can imagine. Sophia's teacher is pretty darn cheerful herself! I really love that there is so much positive reinforcement in both classes. In Sophia's class, there is a jar and when the whole class is being good, the teacher puts marbles in the jar - when the jar is all full, the class gets to have a party. Kids get rewarded for good behavior with stickers, and can earn extra stickers by putting their name in the "proud box" - which is when the teacher catches them doing something extra good or helpful. After they get a certain number of stickers, they get to go to the treasure chest (both classrooms do this). I think all kids, but especially this age group, respond so much better to positive reinforcement than punishment.

Sophia starts soccer this week, and Amelia starts dance next week. I am limiting them to one activity each (Sophia is also doing violin at school) this year. I know the next couple of years will be challenging, trying to always find a balance between letting our kids experience new things and be involved and also valuing our family time. I refuse to give up our 6 o'clock family dinners or constantly force the little ones to be shuttled around from activity to activity. I see the kids playing together in the backyard after school, and as I've said before, that is what they should be doing right now. At least some of the time. And as homework and other things encroach, I see it as our responsibility to help guard that sacred time. We'll see how well we manage!

It's going to be a busy, fun year!

A Lovely Ordinary Week

2011-08-28T10:44:00.002-05:00

I've been a little lacking in blogging material lately (as you might have noticed). But it's for good reasons - we're busy, but our busyness is of the ordinary kind. To me, that's the best kind.

Here's what we've been up to this week...

The girls finished their first full week of school, and it's been great. We've gotten into a great little routine, which makes me so happy, because it makes everyone else so much more agreeable! We started about a week before school started really enforcing bedtime and making the girls make their beds and get dressed as soon as they get up, which has made for an easier transition.

After school, the girls are so happy to see each other, they play together perfectly.

Sophia finally lost that tooth!

She's so silly - all last year in Kindergarten, she talked about how cool it is to loose a tooth, so you can stick a straw through the gap!

Amelia... I just love her.

Whenever we're home, she's in a princess dress.

We are thinking of succumbing to the minivan, because our giant SUV isn't always as practical. Amelia came up to me as I was looking at Honda Odysseys online, and I asked her whether she wanted a car like that. She said, "no, I want a car that has no roof, and then you push a button and it gets a roof." Like I said, I just love her. And I agree.

A couple of days this week it was even cool enough for the kids to play outside! Oh my goodness, I just cannot wait for fall!!! Every tiny teasing taste we get of temperatures under 90, I get so excited and start thinking of pumpkin recipes.

Davis and I have been organizing, trying to make room for one more little person in our little house. All the kids' clothes have come down from the attic, and I've sorted through them all, bought fall and winter clothes to get all four through the rest of the year, and neatly boxed them up. We've cleared everything off the kitchen shelves, scrubbed, and re-organized the cabinets - it's my first time moving things around since we bought this house eight years ago, and I'm so happy with it now. We've moved some furniture around to make more room. We got all of the baby things out of the attic and put them away, buying just a couple of things here or there that were lacking. And I re-shelved the girls' book by color - I love it, and it's motivated the girls to put books back on the shelf properly.

And speaking of adding a little person to our house, I had another ultrasound this week, and everything checked out PERFECTLY! Really, really perfectly perfect! I feel so lucky, this sweet baby boy has been looked at so closely by so many wonderful doctors, and this week his 9th ultrasound was done by a wonderful radiologist who was able to rule out every possible complication we had worried about and just reassure me in the best way. I have also had very few contractions (compared to Henry, when I was already on bed rest by this point) and so we are hopeful. I haven't been hopeful and pregnant in so long, I forgot how amazing it is!

This morning I made 42 of these pancakes, most of them to freeze for the girls to eat during the week. Amelia ate SIX this morning!

Henry at 18 Months

2011-08-21T20:02:00.000-05:00

Actually, 18.5 months. Sheesh, time will not slow down!

Henry makes sure we are never bored. From humor - making us laugh with his random outbursts of gibber jabber - to horror - climbing onto the dining room table and dancing - he is a constant source of entertainment at our house. He certainly gets a look in his eyes that signals that he is about to go looking for trouble, and boy is he ever good at finding it.

But he is also still my snuggly, snuggly little boy. He gives the best hugs - just wrapping his arms tight around your neck and totally relaxing his whole body into you. Today he spent the entire hour that we were in church asleep in the nursery lady's arms. When I told her she should feel free to put him down in a crib, she said "but he was so warm and cozy!"

Henry is obsessed with shoes. It is one of his few consistent words that he says "ch-oo'-s" he says whenever he sees a pair of shoes. He always wants to wear shoes, and he gets very excited about new shoes. So cute!

He is a GREAT eater - in fact, I don't think he has ever encountered a food that he wasn't willing to shovel into his mouth with great enthusiasm. I joke that I have college funds for the girls and a food fund for when Henry is a teenager!

Henry is running and climbing a lot. He will repeat words back to us, but will not use very many of them on his own (Amelia was the same way at this age). He does just talk gibberish nonstop. He has the BEST laugh, and laughs a lot!

He does love his sleep and is crabby when he doesn't get it

and he ALWAYS has dirt under his fingernails

He is wearing some 18-24 month clothes and starting to wear more and more 24 month clothes. We are still loving our one-size cloth diapers. He is starting to get some molars, which I think is why his sleeping hasn't been the best lately - he's been waking up fussy, but doesn't want to get out of bed.

We love this sweet boy of ours. I cannot believe in a very short while he is going to be a big brother!!

Phew! We Made It!

2011-08-19T20:29:00.003-05:00

There has been so much anticipation - both the exciting, good kind and the knots-in-our-tummies kind - about starting school this year. The girls both started school at their new school on Wednesday - Sophia first grade (!) and Amelia pre-K.

Amelia was so excited, she just could barely contain herself! She ran into her classroom and would barely say good bye to me. Here she is with her teacher Ms. Melissa

We already love Ms. Melissa!

Sophia was excited too, but she also had some major butterflies. Here she is with her teacher, Ms. Blaisdell

See how nervous she looks? At the end of the day, when I picked her up, she looked like this

I was telling a friend that the same thing happened in kindergarten - she seemed so much older when I picked her up from that first day. It takes so much courage to overcome that anxiety, and then when she does, there is NOTHING better than the pride and confidence I see in her!

She loves Ms. Blaisdell and seems to really love her new school. I love hearing her talk about her day!

Two things I love about having the girls in school - they go to sleep IMMEDIATELY when I stick them in bed, and they miss each other all day, which means they get along when they are around each other! Here Sophia is reading to Amelia - LOVE!

Wordless Wednesday - Breakfast Thief

2011-08-17T22:47:00.001-05:00

This Weekend - Celebrating the Past and Future

2011-08-14T09:59:00.001-05:00

Last night, we celebrated my father-in-law and mother-in-law's 50th wedding anniversary.

It was really beautiful and inspiring. These two, they have been through so much together - married young, not having much money, war, four children, ups and downs, and so many years. And they made it work, and I am sure sometimes it was not as easy as they make it look. Such inspiration, for which I am so thankful!

I love this family!

Henry was so, so tired! He came for picture-duty and then went home with a sitter - he crashed in the car on the 5 minute drive home!

Amelia with her uncle Kent, who hung the moon in her eyes, and her Aunt Nicki, her sweet Godmother. Whenever I pine for Maine - which has been a LOT this hot, hot summer! - I think about how wonderful it is that my kids get to grow up with such great family nearby.

Sophia and her cousin Wilson - these two are joined at the hip and play so sweetly together. They will now be going to the same school (though different classes - Wilson is a year younger, so he'll be in Kindergarten) and are so excited about it.

There are hundreds and hundreds of pictures from last night, but I knew if I waited to review and edit them all, I would never get them posted. One of my favorites we took because my sister in law joked that every family should have a stuffy portrait around an old wingback chair!

Today, we visited a wonderful new church (not a new church, just new to us!) and school starts this week... I finally feel like we are on our way to moving forward from the sadness of losing our school/church. Really, I have been stuck in that sadness all summer and have dreaded finding a new church/starting a new school - like climbing up, up, up the ladder to a really scary water slide. I have had knots in my tummy and kept thinking about how I just want to go back DOWN where it's safe and normal.

This afternoon we had a church service with many of the families and staff from our old school, and it opened up a lot of the hurt again. Hearing Sophia sing all those songs, hearing the choir from the school reunited, I just felt once again everything that has been lost. I have that same pounding headache from crying too much that I had after the end-of-school service. Sophia asked me if her new school had a chapel, and we had a long talk about why her new school doesn't. But this afternoon's service was also healing, and I needed it before I could move forward. The first hymn today was the last hymn from that service in May - and it did feel like the wound was fresh again, but that bandaid needed to come off so the healing could really take place. And it did. The dread and the knots are gone.

I just know after this week I will be flying down that water slide, and the water will feel good - once we are IN the water and forced to stay afloat with back-to-school popsicle parties and packing lunches and homework and permission slips, my focus will shift back to my children, where it always should have been anways - seeing them learning and making new friends, it will heal those wounds. And finding a church that once again fills me with hope and not sadness, I know, every little thing's gonna be alright.

Small Solutions

2011-08-09T09:39:00.000-05:00

As I've mentioned a couple of times lately, I started to get nervous about this fall - having two kids in school, a toddler (a very active toddler!) at home, and a newborn (on top of all the normal work-life balance issues I deal with anyway). So I have been working hard to come up with simple ways to simplify and organize our lives. I thought I would share a couple of the small solutions I've come up with - having things organized helps my mind feel more in order!

1. The First Aid Kit

Anyone who knows my husband understands that a well-stocked first aid kit is vitally important in our house! I first started stock-piling wound-care products when we were dating, and now that I have birthed his children - some of whom take after him in the injury-prone department - I make sure we have everything we need for small emergencies at our house.

The problem was, whenever we urgently needed a butterfly bandage or tweezers, we would dig through a big unruly box of wrong-sized band aids, and never find what we needed. No matter how many times I tried to organize our first aid kit, or buy nifty divided boxes at the Container Store - it wasn't long before someone in search of a piece of gauze turned the whole thing into a mess again!

Well, check this out

I ordered this clear shoe holder (small enough that it hangs higher than toddler hands can reach) for the inside of the bathroom closet door.

It makes me so happy every time I open the closet now, and it even motivated me to clean our and organize the rest of the bathroom closet. Now when an emergency strikes, no more frantic riffling through a bunch of junk to find what we need.

We also have a big emergency kit in the laundry room, which never gets touched (it's for BIG emergencies - you can read more about it here). I just bought this prepackaged kit, and then we have extra gallons of water and food, etc. in the same cabinet.

2. The Car

I remember before I had kids, I was very picky about keeping my car clean. I swore I would NOT become one of "those" moms with the french fries on the mini van floor. Ha ha ha! Well, I don't have a mini van, and french fry consumption in our car is very limited, but still, it's really hard to keep the car clean with three little kids!

One thing that drove me crazy, is that my SUV has a giant console between the driver's seat and passenger's seat - we always joke that it could fit an 8th passenger in there! The problem with it being so big, is that it was hard to keep track of all the stuff that accumulated in there. If we emptied it out, we always ended up needing a Kleenex and not having one in the car.

Well, check this out

These pouches are pretty small, so I can also grab one and stick it in the diaper bag, if for example we're headed to the doctor's office and need some snacks or activities to keep everyone happy while we wait.

The only other thing in the console now, beside these bags, is the remote for the DVD and this small notebook/pen.

Our glove compartment is big too, so I separated paperwork into two plastic envelopes that are easy to grab if needed. The Emergency Information sheet contains all of our names with our pictures and dates of birth, our insurance information, medical information (drug allergies, etc.), and contact information for our families.

Insurance and Registration is so Davis can easily get to it when he gets pulled over. Ha ha! I just totally jinxed myself by thinking about how many years it's been since I've been pulled over...

Twist on Movie Night

2011-08-08T20:14:00.003-05:00

We took a break from Family Night over the summer, but since school is just over a week away (yay!) we brought it back this week. We have done a movie night for Family Night before, but I saw this great idea on Pinterest, and decided to give it a try...

All day today, the kids got to earn tickets by doing jobs around the house - we just used a roll of raffle tickets I bought at Walmart a while back. Then, after dinner, they got to use those tickets to buy a ticket to the movie along with concessions: popcorn, Sprite, peanuts, and candy.

The kids were SO helpful all day - they cleaned and cleaned, did their chores without a second thought, and just jumped at any opportunity to help out. It was great! I bought the anniversary edition of Sword In The Stone, which the girls had never seen, and we piled all the pillows and blankets around the house on the living room floor and watched it.

We started the movie at 6:30, immediately after dinner (I set up everything for the movie while cooking and the kids got into pajamas) so I wanted to make something both light and at least a little healthy for dinner, knowing they would eat a bunch of junk right after. So I made stuffed zucchini - they were yummy and not too filling.

Stuffed Zucchini

3 large zucchini (try to get them around the same size)
1/3 cup diced cooked ham
1 Tbsp chopped parsley
1 Tbsp plain breadcrumbs
1/3 cup grated parmesan cheese
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1/2 tsp dried basil
dash of nutmeg
salt and pepper
1.5 Tbsp butter
1/5 Tbsp flour
1/2 cup milk

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and bring a large pot of water to boil. Trim the ends off the zucchini and boil in the water for 10 minutes. Meanwhile, melt the butter in a small saucepan, add flour, and then slowly add milk. Whisk and cook over low heat until it begins to thicken. In a medium bowl, combine the remaining ingredients, then slowly add the white sauce. Drain the zucchini, slice in half length wise, and use a spoon to scoop out most of the pulp. Drain the pulp in a colander and then add to the ham mixture. The zucchini should look like little boats - place them in a shallow, buttered baking pan, then fill with the ham mixture. Mix a little parmesan with more breadcrumbs and sprinkle on top. Bake for 30 minutes.

Happy Monday!

Just Peachy

2011-07-30T21:51:00.002-05:00

That's how things are here, and I'm sorry that means I haven't posted to my blog in TWO WEEKS. Eeek!

Speaking of peaches, I have been binging on farmer's market peaches - I walk into my kitchen and smell them, and I can't resist.

Here they are mixed with chia seeds soaked in vanilla almond milk (if I have a very ripe banana, I mash it in there too). Oh my yum, this is my very, very, very favorite late night dessert. Do you know about chia seeds? Yes, they are like the babies of the chia pet - same thing. They are yummy and a fabulous source of protein, fiber, calcium, and Omega-3 fatty acids. Perfect pregnancy food. But good for everyone - my kids love them too. Here is a great post about chia seeds.

So, back to not blogging in two weeks... I have a lot of blog posts floating around in my brain, I just need to find the time to sit down and turn them into words. Things have just been really crazy - both good and bad - around here lately. We have had some issues, like me catching our oven on fire and being stove-less for the past week. And the heat, oh my gosh, the heat. But I've also really enjoyed some grown up time with some of my best friends, as well as just being with my kids during these last weeks of summer vacation.

And I have been organizing like crazy. It's a mix of normal nesting and also being completely freaked out about having two kids in school (even though Amelia is only in pre-K, she is at a "real" school this year) and a CRAZY toddler boy (really, he is crazy), and a newborn. Wow. So, I've decided we really need to get our act together - I've been stocking the freezer, buying school supplies and kids' clothes through the fall, cracking the whip on chores, and coming up with ways to hyper-organize everything from our pantry to our budget. And actually, that's what I want to blog about - some of the solutions that have worked for us, both long-term tested ones and new things I've come up with recently.

But for now, please just know, things are peachy. And I'll be back to reading and writing blogs soon. I promise.

No Knead Bread

2011-07-17T18:49:00.000-05:00

My KitchenAid stand mixer has been broken for several months (I remember when we got it as a wedding gift, all these little old ladies told me about how those things NEVER break... either I overused mine - which is quite possible - or they don't make them like they used to). I used to make bread pretty much ever weekend, but stopped when I no longer had my handy dough hook contraption to help me with the kneading.

And then I came across this.

I had to try it! And I'm so glad I did. I started the dough last night, then finished the bread today - between church and running afternoon errands - just in time for dinner. (sorry my camera battery dead and we were hungry - so these are iPhone pics)

As I've mentioned I think in every blog post and conversation for weeks, it's really crazy HOT here. So hot, that it's been a huge chore to cook dinner every night (something I normally love doing). I had the great idea to just have sandwiches for dinner tonight. It was a great idea, because everyone loved it. It was not a great idea for keeping the house cool, since I actually baked the bread today and my 450 degree oven was on for a couple of hours in the afternoon, heating up the whole house just like when I cook a normal meal.

We had cold cuts and pickles and olives with our fresh bread. On the side we had a big salad with mixed greens, feta cheese, walnuts, and dried cranberries. And some Veggie Pirate's Booty, because I bought it today and the kids insisted on having some right away. Oh and watermelon - straight out of the freezer!

The bread was pretty darn perfect, with a thick very crusty crust, just the way I like it. This is a teeny bit (okay, a lot) ironic, but I actually think our house was a tad too cool during the rise last night, so next time I will put the dough in a warmer spot overnight. The laundry room would be perfect, since we're drying diapers in the dryer in there every night.

The bread also made for some great dinner conversation. I was telling Davis how this dough required no kneading (unlike Julia Child's crusty French bread, which requires 100 whacks on the counter!) Sophia asked how I made it, and I explained that it was just flour, water, yeast, and salt. She yelled "YEAST!" and proceed to explain about how yeast makes bread rise, but the Israelites didn't have time for their bread to rise when they left Egypt, so they just had flat bread (Vacation Bible School last week!)

Happy Sunday! Try this bread sometime - it's pretty darn easy and yummy, even if it does heat up the kitchen.

Henry Before Bed

2011-07-12T19:37:00.004-05:00

Guess who is suddenly interested in potty training? Much like his oldest sister, but UNlike what I'd been told to expect about boys, Henry has been showing signs that he's ready for potty training (though I HAVE heard that cloth diapered babes are ready sooner). He really started complaining when his diaper was wet and trying to take his pants off to sit on the toilet when we were in the bathroom. So, we got him a little potty chair and will let him sit on it when he wants to

I usually also sit them on it while I'm filling the tub. Potty training stresses me out when I let myself care whether they go or not, so I usually just let them take the lead.

Henry loves bath time! But he's crazy bad about splashing right now, so I didn't bring my camera in there!

He's in a very good mood when he gets out of the tub

"Where's your belly, Henry?"

He loves playing the body part game. And then he crashes! This heat has worn us all out!

In other news, the girls are going to VBS this week and they love it and it's also making them super tired at night - yay! They were getting really bored the last week or so. I wish VBS was like a month long, not just a week, ha!

Dinner?

2011-07-10T09:40:00.000-05:00

What do you have for dinner when it's too hot?

I am having a hard time coming up with dinners for next week, because the last thing I want to do during the hottest part of the day is stand in front of a hot stove! I would just eat salads every day, but my family has about a one-main-course-salad-per-week tolerance level.

Last night we had BLTs for dinner

It's Hot!

2011-07-09T15:08:00.003-05:00

Okay, it's now unbearable. I am packing my bags. Moving to Alaska. See you in the winter. There is NO WAY I am going to survive the rest of this summer pregnant in Arkansas. No. Way.

Last week we spent a lot of time at the pool, trying to stay cool.

We finally did private swim lessons and YAY! the girls actually learned something. We're skipping group lessons with the boys - what a waste of money and time those were!

This morning, Davis took Sophia over to his brother's with him for the day while he helped them with some house stuff. That meant I had these two all to myself

They were bored and looking for trouble, and it was TOO HOT to go outside. So we went to the Wonder Place

and had a great time until little Bully Henry started attacking other little boys (he's always sweet to the girls... I just keep telling myself this means nothing about how he'll be when he's older...) He's my third kid, and really I still have no idea how to discipline a 17 month old - really, does anything work?! So we went home, with a Sonic pit stop on the way

I painted Amelia's nails

and then took her over to play with Sophia while Henry napped. My plan was to do laundry - there is so much of it - and clean a little. Or something. Anything. But I am tired and hot, so I'm just sitting here, listening to the Lucinda Williams Pandora station, doing nothing. The Lucinda Williams station is a great soundtrack to doing nothing.

Boys!

2011-07-06T22:29:00.000-05:00

This boy, he learned how to get into the tub all by himself all of a sudden

There was a backhoe in our front yard this morning, and he yelled "OOOH! OOOH!" and watched in amazement clapping his hands the whole time they were here.

Last week, he grabbed the hot oven rack and burned his little hand :( and he didn't even cry, even though he had a big ol' burn across his palm

(he's ok)

He TOTALLY gets away with WAY too much, because he knows how to charm his mama!

Oh, he keeps us on our toes, that's for sure! And, I think, it's about to get even more interesting around our house!!!

Baby Wyatt Update

2011-07-05T19:27:00.000-05:00

Have you seen all the super adorable ideas for documenting pregnancy? Like this? LOVE! My belly pictures are few and far between, and they look like this

That's me at 22.5 weeks. People keep telling how humongous I am - but baby is measuring exactly right on target (1 lb 3 oz) and I've gained 11 pounds total this pregnancy thankyouverymuch. I have to say, people saying stuff to you (things they would NEVER EVER EVER! say to a nonpregnant woman!) while you're pregnant is probably the #1 thing I hate about being pregnant. No, I'm not overly huge or carrying quads, yes this baby was planned and wanted, yes I know how babies are made AND how to prevent it, yes we are happy it's a boy/girl but would have been happy with either, and (this one takes the cake) NO Mr. Guy I've Only Met One Other Time it is NOT any of your business whether I've started dilating because anything going on inside my vagina is pretty much private.

Anyway... I started to write this post last night, thinking I might have a little update on Wyatt and I and another ultrasound picture of some random piece of Shy Baby Boy's anatomy. BUT NO!!

First of all, we got amazing news today. So, two separate doctors on three previous ultrasounds, have told us that I have what appeared to be vasa previa - blood vessels of the baby crossing my cervix, which is a scary complication. Well, at my last ultrasound, the maternal fetal medicine doctor said he wasn't totally convinced that it wasn't a part of the baby's umbilical cord instead... well, today he confirmed that it was in fact cord and NOT unsupported vessels!!! That is HUGE!!!

He will look again in one month to make totally 100% sure, but we saw the "vessels" move away from my cervix when Wyatt moved - I saw it myself - which really does mean that he's had a piece of his umbilical cord hanging out down there this whole time. We'll keep an eye on that too, to make sure it's not there when I go into labor, but worse case scenario is that I might need a c-section at the end if it is. But that is SO much better than all the scary things that would happen if I had vasa previa!!

And in other exciting news, Wyatt was in a great mood and decided to finally show us his sweet little face (I have had so, so many ultrasounds and he has always hidden his face)! This is fun, but it's also a huge praise for me, because... well, I will just be completely honest... I have HATED this pregnancy. I spent my whole first trimester completely unable to be happy or bond with this baby, because I was certain I would lose him - I mean, "odds are..." when you've lost more babies than you've gotten to keep. And then as soon as I was "safe" from that, there was all that vasa previa stuff, which meant I could lose this baby all the way until the end, and I was terrified. There haven't really been any happy pregnancy moments - even when I've felt him kick, I would think "check, he's alive today." I haven't allowed myself to look forward to the end of my pregnancy or his birth (because they were going to be terrifying). And, honestly, I also hadn't allowed myself to day dream about HIM at all.

Well, all that changed today. Not only because I got amazingly happy news that makes my pregnancy pretty darn NORMAL (I am still at risk for preterm birth and will stay on progesterone shots, but that's not a biggie), but also because check out how ADORABLE he is!!!

in case you need help

When they did the live video of him, I really think he looked a lot like Henry as a newborn. Oh my gosh, I just cannot wait to meet this sweet guy now!!

A couple of 2D pictures of his face

He is measuring exactly on target and at his dozenth ultrasound checked out perfectly perfect! And THAT makes mama perfectly happy!!!!

Nails, Firecrackers, Cousins, Watermelon, Freedom!

2011-07-04T20:52:00.002-05:00

Happy Independence Day!

2011-07-04T14:24:00.001-05:00

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Somewhere Between a Vacation and Staycation...

2011-07-02T22:39:00.002-05:00

is today.

We have been wanting to spend some family time together OUTDOORS for months and months. But first, the storms came. I'm pretty sure it rained more than 40 days and 40 nights this spring. And then, as soon as the storms were over, it was 100 degrees every day all day. I came home from the grocery store the other night at 9:45 pm and it was 98 degrees outside still.

Last week I finally realized what we needed to do, and so today we headed out into the country - about three hours away. First we stopped for a picnic.

The minute we let him out of the car, Henry took off into the woods! I am so much happier now that he can walk, and I know he is too!

Pictures of people eating are funny

I love this girl!

And these two too! I am SO lucky to have Sophia to help me take care of Henry!

After a little time in the (hot) woods, we went to Blanchard Springs Caverns. I haven't been there since I was a kid, and our kids have never been in a cavern before. We had a fabulous time!

Amelia demonstrating what deer antlers are in the visitor center

Before they loaded us all into the elevator, the park ranger tour guide lady got everyone on the tour together and went over all the rules and then asked if anyone had any questions. Amelia asked "are there any lions down there?" No lions.

It really was breathtaking, just like I remember. And all three kids were mesmerized. They were SO good the whole time! And it was 58 degrees down there - aaaaah!!!

This is called the battleship - do you see it?

Henry fought sleep the entire drive up, even though it was his naptime, so he was getting sleepy at the end of the tour

My family goofing off on the bus - Seriously, these three could not sit still and behave!

Sleepy boy

After the caverns, it didn't take long for us to get hot again, so we went swimming in the most amazing little river near the caverns

Trying to catch these little fishies

The water was cool and clear and perfect

Snack break!

Skipping rocks

and splashing like there's no tomorrow!

We stayed in the water for almost four hours, until we were all pruny and the sun stopped beating down on us so hard.

My plan included seeing fireworks in the nearby town of Mountain View, but I misread something last week, and they are actually tomorrow night instead of tonight. That's okay, because we were all super tired. So we stopped for dinner in Mountain View (Tommy's Famous Pizza - um, interesting place, but soooo yummy!) and then headed home.

And guess what we saw on the way back?

Yup, that's a zebra in a horse pasture. Davis turned the truck around so we could go back and make sure.

Good night!

Cooking for the Future

2011-06-28T20:20:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned, I am going to be making some meals that I can freeze this week, so that when I'm on bed rest and in the hospital and we have a baby in the NICU, we can still have healthy, home-cooked meals. I love the idea of spending a day cooking up a month's worth of meals, or places like Super Suppers, but honestly - who has a whole day to just cook?! I don't. And on days that I do make up a lot of things ahead of time (usually like prep for a party), the clean up is killer! Too many pans, too many ingredients, too small of a kitchen!

So my solution is that I make freezer-friendly recipes for dinner during the week. I cook dinner just like I normally would, except double the recipe. Then I cook half for that night and stick the other half in the freezer for the future.

Here is my menu for this week:

Monday - Sloppy Joe's (half the mix went in the freezer in a zip loc bag) and corn on the cob

Tuesday - Zucchini Baked Ziti (half went in an aluminum foil casserole dish in the freezer - actually this made enough for TWO freezer pans and one for tonight)

Wednesday - Beef and Barley Soup (half goes in a giant zip loc bag in the freezer) with Salad and Rolls

Thursday - Pizza (half the dough goes in the freezer)

Friday - Taco Soup (half goes in a zip loc bag in the freezer)

Saturday - Veggie Pasta Shells (half go in an aluminum casserole dish in the freezer)

Sunday - Steak, mashed potatoes, grilled veggies (nothing for the freezer today)

So in one week, I'll have six meals in the freezer (actually 7 with the double ziti pans). Our wonderful friends have already offered to bring meals too. And when I was on bed rest before, we usually ordered pizza once a week, and Davis (who is the breakfast cook in the family) also did things like make breakfast for dinner. So if I make freezer dinners for another week or so, we should be set for a while. Since I do all the grocery shopping and cooking normally, and Davis will have so much extra on his plate already, I will feel better knowing food is taken care of.

Because I know I could get stuck in bed any day, I am trying to take care of as many things as I can. Today I finished all the registration forms for the girls' school and dropped them along with their updated immunization records at the school office. I've bought their clothes for the fall. Their class supply lists should be posted any day (they said today, but they didn't make it) so I'll be able to get those in order too.

Phone Picture Catch Up

2011-06-26T05:52:00.002-05:00

My reading post had phone pictures in it, and I found some others on there that showed some of the things we've been up to the past couple of weeks. It's felt really busy and hectic lately, and Friday afternoon I was having contractions every 2 minutes that had been almost constant for two days - my doctor said he was giving me ONE CHANCE to go home and take it easy, and if I came back contracting like that, he was putting me on bed rest. Yikes! I'm only 21 weeks, so we are going to work hard on taking it easy for the rest of the summer.

For the past weeks, the girls have had swim lessons every day at the end of the day (when it's 300 degrees outside!)

They got their certificates

but honestly, they didn't learn anything. They didn't learn anything last year either, so I am DONE with these expensive group lessons. I know they are so close to learning, they just need a good teacher and some one-on-one attention, so we're looking at private lessons now.

But they've had fun just going to play in the baby pool - they could go down this slide a thousand times, if I weren't dying in the heat and let them

It's been miserably hot for weeks already. So last weekend I needed the kids to run around and play INSIDE, without trashing our house. So I met a friend and her kids at the Wonder Place, a fun indoor playground.

I did make good use of my crock pot those days that we had swim lessons. The lessons were from 5:00 to 5:30, so it was 6:00 when we got home - dinnertime! And they were starving. So it was great to have dinner all ready for us when we walked in the door. Two of my staples are crock pot ravioli and lentil and barley soup.

Crock Pot Ravioli

1 bag frozen ravioli
1 jar pasta sauce (we prefer Prego Traditional)
1 8 ounce can tomato sauce
1 cup water
shredded mozzarella cheese

Pour half of pasta sauce in crock pot, then add ravioli, remainder of pasta sauce, tomato sauce, and water. Cover with mozzarella cheese. Cook on low 4 to 5 hours.

Crock Pot Lentil and Barley Soup

1 cup lentils, rinsed

1/3 cup pearl barley

1 cup chopped carrot

1 cup chopped onion

2 garlic cloves, chopped

1/2 teaspoon dried basil

1/2 teaspoon dried oregano

1/4 teaspoon dried thyme

1 bay leaf

3 1/2 cups vegetable broth

2 1/2 cups water

14 1/4 ounce can stewed tomatoes

2 tablespoons red wine vinegar

Add all ingredients except vinegar to crock pot and stir. Cook on low for 12 hours or on high for 6 hours. Discard bay leaf and stir in vinegar.

Because bed rest is staring me down and will come sooner or later (hopefully later!) I am making meals this week that I can double and freeze for when I can't cook. I'll share those recipes soon, because it's a great way to get two meals while only doing the work once, and in my case will help us continue to eat healthy, homemade meals when I can no longer cook (or don't want to, like when Wyatt is in the NICU).

Feelings

2011-06-25T21:38:00.001-05:00

Last week we remembered our own angel, Violet, on her due date. It was a sad day, but I made it through, mostly because things were so busy. We've been so busy grieving our school/church situation, my sadness has been a constant vague companion. Add hormones to the mix and I just have tears beneath the surface pretty much all the time.

This morning I got an email from BabyCenter: Your Baby at One Week. It seems so odd, that we SHOULD have a newborn right now. But instead we are preparing for the arrival of a different baby - instead of a girl, a boy. Happy anticipation, mixed with fear of Wyatt's complications, mixed with sadness that we don't have Violet. Our church, which has always been a place of so much comfort to me, is no longer that place. Our school, which was a place of hope and joy for ourselves as much as our children, is gone. Most days I am so busy, and so wrapped up in the joy of my three kiddos, that things feel fine. And then when everyone else is in bed, when it's quiet and dark, those feelings that have been so close to the surface all day well up.

One of my favorite things that I learned in the Education for Ministry class that I was taking at church last year, was this prayer. I have it posted on my bathroom mirror. It settles those feelings and helps me sleep.

Lord it is night.

The night is for stillness.

Let us be still in the presence of God.

It is night after a long day.

What has been done has been done; what has not been done has not been done.

Let it be.

The night is dark.

Let our fears of the darkness of the world and of our own lives rest in you.

The night is quiet.

Let the quietness of your peace enfold us, all dear to us, and all who have no peace.

The night heralds the dawn.

Let us look expectantly to a new day, new joys, new possibilities.

In your name we pray.

Amen

Summer Reading - for Beginners

2011-06-24T16:42:00.004-05:00

Sophia was so close to really being able to read on her own when the school year ended, I wanted to make sure she kept it up and continued to improve over the summer. She knew how to read, but didn't quite have the confidence (or desire, honestly) to read BOOKS by herself. Well, sure enough, about a week after school was out, she started reading, and she's just really taken off!

Here are some things we've been doing the past couple of months and this summer to encourage and motivate her:

*New Books!! Okay, this might be for me more than her... those first readers are sooo boring after the first time, and they are cheap, so I ordered about 10 of them off Amazon. Plus Sophia's sweet teacher gave her some at the end of the year, and

*The Library!! Not only is the library a great source for new reading material, they have great programs to promote reading. We've been going to storytime at the library as our schedule permits (usually when I'm on maternity leave with someone!) since the kids were babies. Yesterday, Sophia and I went and got her her very own library card

and we signed her up for the Summer Reading Club. She tracks all the books she reads for stickers, and she also plays this BINGO game where she gets prizes for completing certain things (reading a book about Asia, writing her own story about her life, etc.) - this has been HUGELY motivating for her! They meet every Thursday morning, so I'm trying to work it into my schedule or have Davis take them when I can't. I also want her to continue to work on being responsible for things like library books. In Kindergarten, her school did a great job teaching these kids to keep track of and be responsible for their own things (library books, sunscreen, clothes, etc.) So Sophia has to keep track of her library books and take good care of them (we have a special spot for library books) or she'll lose her card.

*A reading caterpillar!! I've seen several variations on this (like making links out of construction paper instead of circles) - but what I did was use my 1.5" circle punch to make a bunch of circles out of construction paper. Every time Sophia reads a book by herself, we write the title of the book on a circle and add it to the caterpillar. We just started this week, so hopefully by the end of the summer that sucker will be LOOOONG!

*Reading to siblings!! Being able to read to Amelia and Henry has also been a great motivator for Sophia. Amelia loves it when Sophia reads to her, and it makes Sophia feel so much older. Henry isn't the greatest audience, but his board books are very easy to read and Sophia has fun reading them to him.

*Starfall.com!! This website is amazing! We have been playing on it for a couple of years, and are not at all bored with it. It has so many really well-done reading activities - movies, short stories for them to read with animations on every page, and games like sight word memory. Often when the little ones are napping/resting, Sophia will spend half an hour or so playing on Starfall.com, and there are several things I know she has mastered because of that site. It feels more fun to her than sitting with me and doing sight word flashcards, so it's an easy thing to get her to do when she's not in the mood for "learning."

*Bribery!! Okay, really, I need to be honest. Sophia was holding back on me with the reading books, I think in part because I have always read to her at night and I think she was scared I would stop. Of course I still read to her every day, but to push her over the edge and finally read a book front to back by herself, I told her I'd pay her a quarter - and it worked. That was the first book she read. She's actually not very motivated by money (she tends to give it all away, which is awesome) so she's forgotten about our quarter-for-a-book program. But it worked to get her started, so I'm including it here.

I also rewarded her with a cupcake and a Sprite after she did her testing at her new school.

Baby Wyatt Update

2011-06-22T08:53:00.000-05:00

I am sick - I have been throwing up since about 2 a.m. last night, which is obviously not fun. But it means I get to lay in bed for a day while Davis takes the kids to his brother's, and so I have a chance to catch you up on my appointment with my new high risk OB yesterday.

Did I mentioned that we decided on a name? I don't think so... Baby Boy will be Wyatt. Phew! I can't stand not having a name for my baby, so pretty much as soon as we find out the sex (which was three whole weeks ago!) I need a name ASAP.

Speaking of gender, yesterday the ultrasound tech asked, "do you want to know what you're having?" and I said, "good thing I already know and want to know - because that is definitely a penis on that screen!" There is not even a sliver of doubt in my mind that we are having a BOY. Happiness. Henry and Wyatt will be 19 months apart - the exact same spacing as Sophia and Amelia.

He is so funny - I have had a lot of ultrasounds with him (six? seven? eight?) and for weeks now we cannot get a shot of his face. As soon as the ultrasound wand gets near his face, he either flips over and turns away, or covers his face with his hands. It's so adorable and was making me laugh yesterday. So, still no pictures of his sweet little face, but he's got a cute foot/calf

He kept streeeeetching out - and I said, "he better enjoy it while he can!" It's about to get crowded in there! He's about ten and a half inches long now. They said yesterday he weighed just over 13 ounces. He is finally moving more. For weeks now he has been totally mellow (Sophia hardly ever moved when I was pregnant with her, and now she's a spaz, so I've learned it doesn't mean anything ha!)

So, now on to all the medical stuff... this is where I talk about all the things going on inside my private parts, so feel free to skip if you're not into that sort of thing...

Although I have am starting to have contractions already (like I did with Amelia and Henry who came early), right now my cervix is long and everything looks good. Although there was definitely a blood vessel across my cervix yesterday, this doctor was not 100% convinced that it was not actually just the baby's cord down there. Wyatt's head was down on my cervix and in the way, so he wasn't clear about whether we were looking at cord or vasa previa. Not having vasa previa would be a huuuuuuuuuuuge relief (!) but we are not getting our hopes up yet - since two other doctors (a radiologist and another high risk OB) saw vasa previa at two separate earlier points in my pregnancy, it is unlikely that the cord would be hanging out in that same location this whole time. My doctor said he would not rule out vasa previa unless he did at least two more ultrasounds, but it was a glimmer of hope.

In the meantime, the plan is for me to start weekly progesterone shots this week (today - yippee) and come back in two weeks for another ultrasound. Then I will go back two weeks after that (24 weeks) for another ultrasound, and after that nonstress tests and weekly ultrasound to check the length of my cervix. If it begins to change like it did with Henry, I will go into the hospital and we will just take it day by day to determine when it's time to bring Wyatt into the world. The hope and plan is to make it to 34 weeks and do a c-section then. If by some miracle my cervix has not changed by 34 weeks, then we might even monitor it closely and wait another week or two, with 36 weeks being the latest that we would wait. Of course that would be great, but I am not really planning on that being the case, considering my history. BUT we have a fabulous, fabulous NICU and I have a friend who is a neonatologist there, and I would have zero concerns about delivering even as early as 32 weeks - Wyatt would need some breathing and eating help at that point, but his long-term risks for issues would be really small, and the risks of vasa previa rupturing if it looked like I was going into labor would just be so great.

So, really it was great news - Wyatt looks perfect, is measuring on target, he's still very much a boy, and as of right now my cervix is long and with the progesterone shots maybe we can keep it that way. I feel like I am in good hands with my new doctor and am on board with monitoring things closely and just taking it day by day. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared - vasa previa is SCARY. There are far more horrible, tragic, really really scary and sad stories out there on the internet than anything reassuring, which is why I stopped reading anything after I read a few medical journal articles. Now it's just a matter of praying and trying to stay healthy.

So, right now I'm going to go drink a bunch of water to make sure I don't get dehydrated while I'm throwing up.

Diapers :)

2011-06-20T21:22:00.002-05:00

Okay, I have so much to blog about, pictures just sitting on my camera waiting to be uploaded... so I'm going to completely randomly blog about DIAPERS!

Yup.

Over the past few months, we have made the switch to cloth diapers, and I am just kicking myself for not taking the plunge sooner. Even though we are using probably the most expensive cloth diapers on the market, we did the math and we will save a BUNCH of money on diapers for Henry and his baby brother (even without resale - I was shocked to discover that these diapers fetch almost full retail price used on ebay!)

We are using BumGenius Elemental All-in-One One-Size Organic diapers. At first we just bought a couple, thinking we might want to try some different types and brands of diapers. But it didn't take us long at all to fall totally in love with these and buy a full stash without trying any others - I really believe these are the perfect cloth diapers. If I were the one at home during the day and had more time (and energy), I would probably go the old school pins and plastic pants route to REALLY save money, but these are a great compromise for our busy family.

First of all, they are EASY. Other an one more load of laundry at night, there is nothing more complicated about using these than disposables. They are all one piece, so no stuffing or pinning or anything - you just slip it under baby's bum and snap up the sides. We throw dirty diapers in a zipped up wetbag (we dump solids in the toilet first, and if needed, rinse with the diaper rinser) - we are using the Weehuggers hobo wetbag, and it holds all of our diapers and has never smelled or leaked or anything (can't say the same thing about disposable diaper pails!). At the end of the day, we just turn it inside out and throw it in the washer with the load of diapers/wipes. That's it. I think it's actually less stinky than emptying out a diaper pail of disposable diapers.

Henry totally prefers these to Pampers - I'm not kidding! When we only had a couple of these, we would still use Pampers sometimes, and Henry would bring me a BumGenius or say "no no" if I put a Pampers on him. They are so soft, I am sure they are more comfortable. Being organic can't hurt either. And so cute too!

Henry has far fewer rashes now that we are using these. If we know he will be in a diaper for a long time, we use Grandma El's Diaper Cream to prevent rashes. But he's only had a couple of rashes (if he poops during his nap), compared to before, when he was getting them more frequently.

Also, he is at that age where he had started leaking out of the Pampers Cruisers at night. Since we've been using these, we have not had a single leak! For overnight, I stick a Thirsties hemp liner in the diaper to double up. During the day and naps, I don't use an insert, and we haven't had a single leak. He has even had diarrhea and some other big poops, and NO leaks. That's definitely better than disposables!

It took us a little experimenting to figure out a good wash routine, which I've gathered is normal for cloth diapering. Probably the biggest downside to these diapers is that they do take a lot of water/energy to clean (for this reason I am NOT going to claim that these are saving the earth). At first we had some problems with stains on the diapers and some odor when they came out of the wash. But once we figured out our routine (with the help of the wonderful Cotton Babies customer support folks!) we have not had any troubles - our diapers look brand new and have not smelled or had any more stains. Here's what we do:

1. A regular wash cycle on cold with no detergent or other additives,

2. A heavy duty hot wash with extra rinse - I discovered that our biggest problem was that our washer (Whirlpool Duet, which I hate) wasn't using enough water. So now during the "add a garment" phase of this cycle, I pause it and add a big pitcher of very hot water. I use Nellie's Laundry Soda, which requires only a teaspoon per load. (we tried some other detergents but they didn't work as well or gave Henry rashes).

3. Before bed, we throw them in the dryer on warm. They take a LONG time to dry - 1.5 hours. But we're sleeping, so we don't care.

4. Once a month, instead of detergent, to the hot cycle, I add 1/4 cup bleach and a couple of squirts of original (blue) Dawn dishwashing detergent, plus the extra water. It takes one more extra rinse to get the suds all out. I secretly sit there and watch the sudsy washing action through the glass of our front loader.

Like I said, all of our diapers look like new now - no stains, no smells, no rashes. And yes, that is a lot of washing/drying. But now as soon as Henry goes to bed, Davis or I throws the wetbag/diapers/wipes in the washer, then when the washer beeps, we add detergent and restart it, and before I go to bed I throw everything in the dryer. While they're washing, I just do whatever I normally do in the evenings (lately - that would be NOTHING).

At first, we continued using disposable wipes. But really, it was awkward - we had to find a place to throw them out after putting the diapers in the wetbag. So we started using cloth wipes. Now I realize, we will probably save even more money on these than on the diapers! The only wipes that didn't give my kids rashes were the Pamper's Sensitive wipes, which were $7 per pack. We went through a LOT of these!

I got a couple dozen Ragababe wipes (we tried the BumGenius, Thirsties, and some other sample wipes, and these are BY FAR our favorites!) - they are soft and just great. We used to use several wipes per dirty diaper, but we use only one cloth wipe. I think there were maybe 2 or 3 times that I used more than one wipe since switching to cloth.

Once every 3 days, I use one of my new giant mason jars to mix up 1/3 gallon distilled water with a squirt of Dr. Bronner's Baby Mild Soap and a couple of squirts of baby oil. Then I put a dozen or so wipes in the solution and slosh them around to get them all get wet. I wring them out, roll them up, and put them in a wipes warmer, where they are ready to use when we need them.

Now they just go right in the wetbag/laundry with the diapers. Preparing the wipes really isn't any trouble and takes maybe 10 minutes twice a week - all the last minute trips to the store when we ran out of diapers or wipes were much more time-consuming!

We will be renting some newborn diapers (through Itsy Bitsy Bums - GREAT company!) for the new baby until he is about 10 lbs, then he will fit into the BumGenius. So even though I still have 3 or so years of diapering left - I don't plan on ever having to buy another diaper!!! (I am sure there will be a time we buy a pack of diapers for traveling, but as long as we have access to a washer, these are easy to travel with too... and with four kids, I can't imagine traveling anywhere that doesn't have a washer ha!)

So there. Random diapering post. You're welcome.

(by the way, none of the companies in this post gave me anything or asked me to review their products, I just love their stuff!)

SIX!!

2011-06-19T08:53:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to my big girl (posted over a week late)! I just can't believe I have a six year old - a first grader! I look back at pictures of her from the beginning of the school year, and she has just grown up so much. I am so proud of her!

Sophia is the best helper, and she does a million things to make my life easier all day long. I'm so glad she is my oldest. She is also me in so many ways, it is scary. I have often realized suddenly, and shockingly, that my own attitude needs adjustment and that I need to by much more mindful of my tone of voice, when I see my little mirror interacting with her siblings or baby dolls.

Sophia is finally reading, and it makes me so happy. I am (or used to be ha!) a huge reader, and I just knew once she got the hang of it, she would find joy in it too.

Sophia is so creative, I love how her mind works. We played a game for family night last week, where everyone scibbles randomly on a piece of paper for about 10 seconds, and then passes the paper to the person next to them. That person then has to take their scribble and turn it into something. We all turned zig zags into crowns or swirls into galaxies, but Sophia's drawings always came with an elaborate story. Yesterday I asked her when she came into our bed, because none of us could remember her sneaking in. She said she couldn't remember either, and probably some little trolls came and moved her. The trolls brought their little dog, which explains why the iced tea in the fridge smelled like a puppy (another mystery from that morning). We have to watch her, because sometimes she uses her imagination to scare the pants off her sister!

On the morning of her birthday, Sophia got pancakes and six pink balloons. And for dinner her favorite - spaghetti.

Her party was last Saturday and a pottery painting place called Painted Pig - we love it there, but haven't visited as often as we used to now that Henry is mobile!

This was the first time Sophia has seen some of her friends from Kindergarten, and it was so sweet to listen in on their little conversation. They said things like "I've been thinking about you."

and "I've missed you SO much!"

They had a blast!

Happy Birthday, Silly Goose!

Catching Up!

2011-06-14T22:01:00.002-05:00

My laptop cord died two weeks ago and I just got around to sending it off to be replaced a few days ago. But I'm back online now. I had to delete the 889 items in my Google Reader. Sorry.

It has been an emotional couple of weeks. Lots of fun and summer vacation excitement. Lots to be thankful for and celebrate. A birthday. Sunshine like never before. And lots and lots of heartache and anxiety too. I am exhausted in a way I can't even put into words. I always know things are bad when all I can do by 8pm is lay down on the couch and watch a Lifetime movie - it's that needing to feel completely numb. And believe me, Lifetime movies numb and dull your brain into oblivion ha ha! I actually have some thoughts mulling around in my head that I'd love to blog about, but I feel so sensitive and raw right now, I'm not ready to put them "out there" yet. In the meantime, I'm so very, very thankful for good friends who are willing to listen and put up with my CRYING. I know it has to be hormones, because I can't remember being this weepy... ever.

So, other than crying... what HAVE we been up to? Well...

The girls have run outside in their pajamas and bare feet first thing every morning to play on the swing set before it gets too hot out.

Henry is running around like a cutie pie maniac, getting into EVERYTHING. I always say how 16 months is such a hard age, because they get into everything and don't listen AT ALL - I say that, but I forget how true it really is! But if you catch Henry with something he thinks he isn't supposed to have, he immediately hands it to you like "here, I was just picking this up to give to you!"

He has been SO funny! The Babycenter email this week said that he is trying to hard to find all the tricks to make us laugh - and they are right! His favorite trick right now is putting on other people's shoes, hats, necklaces, etc.

My friend Sarah came all the way from Kansas to visit us last week. Her hero husband is deployed to Afghanistan, and she needed some distraction - believe me, 7 kids 7 and under in a 1,300 square foot house is VERY distracting! We had the best time, though!!

I haven't even gone through, much less had time to edit, all of the 400+ pictures I downloaded off my camera today. But I will, and then I'll post more.

Also a very special girl turned SIX, which deserves a post of its own!

Memorial Day Weekend

2011-06-02T22:04:00.000-05:00

Last weekend was so good.

Friday I spent all morning crying at Sophia's school graduation/closing, which made me so sad and gave me such a migraine that I literally went to bed around noon and didn't get back up. I love Davis for letting me do that, because I was mess and just couldn't face the rest of the day. But

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23

Saturday morning the sun rose.

I got up super early and quickly packed our bags and the kids, and we headed down to Louisiana to visit my dad. We got Sophia a swing set for her birthday, so we left town while Davis assembled it (so that Sophia wouldn't see and be surprised... also I didn't want to be around that kind of language LOL!) We also just needed to get away and be distracted. The drive was great, although as we went south the temperature rose dramatically. We stopped in Lewisville, Arkansas and has some yummy Burge's

there is a playground a couple of blocks away (the only one in town), so we took our food there and I let the kids run around a little. Sophia looked at the playground and said "this place is OLD!" She was right - I looked at the equipment and just hoped that it could handle two more 40 lbs kids before rusting to pieces!

Look at my little toddler toddling around

Um, so then my camera died and I have no pictures from our visit. But I know my stepmom has some, and there were some great ones from when we went swimming at a lake, so I will get them from her and post them later. We had lots of fun, and the kids were completely exhausted at night from playing in the heat and swimming! They are Southern kids for sure, especially the girls, the 100 degree heat doesn't seem to bother them at all.

We left Monday morning, so that we could celebrate Memorial Day with Davis and let the kids play on the swing set. This was Sophia's face the minute she saw it

She said "this is the best day of my life!!!" It has already been a huge lifesaver with the girls home all day - yesterday they were just swinging and talking to each other while I cleaned the kitchen and looked out at them. That moment was one of the happiest of MY life.

Monday afternoon, we invited Davis's brother and his wife and their three kids over

and we grilled hot dogs and hamburgers and corn and just sat around - us adults in the shade, the kids running around like maniacs.

They cooled off with the Slip N Slide

and we put the kiddie pool at the bottom of the slide - that was a big hit!

I told Davis, "this is just a huge dose of HAPPY - exactly what we needed!" And it was. No one fought, no one cried, no one worried about the future or the past, everyone was just happy and at peace and enjoying the moment. I am so thankful for that.

I went to put Henry to bed at one point, and came back out to this

The girls were COVERED in mud! After everyone left, we hosed them off outside with the hose, then I rinsed them and washed them with the shower in the tub, then they took a bath, then I rinsed them with the shower again. There was mud everywhere that night - in the tub, the kitchen floor, probably still behind their ears. It made me so happy.

The next morning, we celebrated the first real official day of Summer Vacation with cinnamon rolls... except when the girls requested them, I didn't have time to make them. So we spread some butter on crescent rolls and sprinkled them with cinnamon and sugar before rolling them up, baked them as usual, and served them with milk/vanilla/powdered sugar icing for dipping. Yummy!

I have TEN half gallons of milk in my fridge, because this weekend we are expecting some company - more happy, muddy, in-the-moment, chaotic fun to come!!

Sophia Has Some News to Tell You!

2011-06-01T21:39:00.004-05:00

I had my ultrasound today, and Davis's record is in tact - he has (totally confidently) known the gender of our babies five out of five times! We are having a...

We are SO happy!!!! I can't tell you how excited I am about my little matched pair of boys, who will be spaced just slightly further apart than my girls. Although I always thought I would have three kids, I now cannot imagine my family any other way - two girls, two boys.

I told Henry, "you're going to have a little brother!" He was grinning and trying to say "brother." Then I said "you can play with your trucks together!" and Henry started furiously shaking his head ha ha ha! I'm sure he had no idea what I was talking about, but it made us laugh so hard.

In not so great news, we got confirmation today that I do in fact have vasa previa, which I have mentioned previously. It's a rotten deal, and I wasn't reassured by my OB's reaction and him repeating "this is going to be a challenge" and "you're in for a very long pregnancy" over and over again. But I am feeling at peace, and thanking God that it was caught early, which HUGELY increases our chances of everything being just fine. The biggest issue is my history of preterm labor that complicates things even more, and the perinatologist gave me about a 70% chance of going early again. So once we get to my third trimester we will constantly have to weigh the risks of having a preemie versus the risks of going into labor.

For now I am taking it one day at a time. Thankfully my second trimester comes with only a few limitations, so I can enjoy this time, knowing that there is a perfect and healthy little baby boy in my belly! He was so funny too - we could not get a single shot of his face. My ultrasound lasted almost an hour, and we got a good shot of all of his anatomy except anytime the ultrasound wand came near his face, he would turn or put his hand up so that we couldn't see his face. Love him!

Maine I LOOOOOVE You!!

2011-05-31T23:58:00.000-05:00

(This post is way too long, but I need to finish posting about our trip so I can get caught up with other things - like our Memorial Day weekend and NEWS ABOUT OUR NEW BABY'S GENDER TOMORROW!!!!)

Davis is so tired of me going on and on about how I want to move to Maine. But when you see these pictures (all unedited and taken in un-ideal lighting conditions) you will see why. I have been all over this great land of ours, and I have never been in love with a place the way I fell in love with Maine. Maine, Maine, Maine... When our neighbors moved away, our kids' school closed, and we decided to maybe leave our church all in the week following our trip, I told Davis it was DEFINITELY a sign that we should move to Maine. He didn't think so.

Actually, before I get to Maine (Maine, Maine, Maine), we stopped in Salem on the way up the coast. Mostly it was totally hokey and we were totally dorky

but the witch trial memorial was beautiful

and so were parts of Salem - the sun even peeked out for about 20 minutes!

We ate at Fitz's Seafood, which was very extremely yummy. And look - they were celebrating their tenth anniversary too!

We also stopped so I could have a cup of ginger tea (my new best friend, because I am STILL queasy all the time)

and then we went and bought Davis a pipe. He used to smoke a pipe years ago and missed it, and I kind of love the smell of pipe tobacco.

Anyway, now, on to MAINE! We stayed in Kennebunkport and LOVED it. It was foggy and so gorgeous, I don't even know where to begin with all the things I loved. How about the houses?

Here's the one I picked for us to live in - right on the ocean.

Our B&B was awesome, and we'll definitely be back. It was the Maine Stay Inn (in Maine, BTW). Oh and it's on Main Street too. Cute, huh?

I love B&B's, because you meet such great people. The other couples we had breakfast with were fun to talk to. And Walt and Judi who owned the place were so great. We had the most amazing breakfasts - things like rhubarb and strawberry crepes. Sunday we were leaving before breakfast, so Judi said "we'll just put out some cereal for you when you get up." I was thinking like corn flakes, not this

The town of Kennebunkport was completely adorable.

We went antique store browsing

and drove around to see some sights - like this old jail, which was like the oldest still-standing jail in the U.S. or something like that.

Criminals in the 1700's must not have been very bad, because there were no bars on the windows and the doors were thin wood. Maybe it's because all the bad criminals just got their heads lopped off?

Did I mention how beautiful Maine is? Even in the fog

Davis was obsessed with the tides - it was cracking me up, because he gave me constant updates about the tide. Now I just randomly ask him "what's the tide doing?" that and "have you seen a Dunkin Donuts?"

Can you see what's behind that sea gull?

Look closely and you'll see the lighthouse.

We dropped in on the Bush's one afternoon. George says hi.

We ate dinner at Federal Jacks in Kennebunkport, and it was good. The beer was extra good (or so I've heard). This was the view from our table

The next day we had lunch at H.B. Provisions and had the best clam chowder either one of us has EVER had. It was to die for!! It made us sleepy and we went and TOOK A NAP! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON!

Speaking of food, here's a picture of how humongous I am already

and a picture of the whoopie pie that I ate which didn't help.

Anyway... we spent one day in Portland, which was JUST AS AWESOME in a completely different way.

We went to a great coffee shop and, while Davis waited on the AAA guy to come unlock the car after he locked the keys in it, I sat and drank tea and read my new book (which I got half way through on my trip and haven't touched since)

We wandered around and noticed how friendly the people up there are - totally could live there. This shop cracked me up. Not very subtle - the sign on the door says things like NO CELL PHONES! NO MINORS! I asked Davis if he needed any special "tobacco" for his pipe

Across the street was the crytpozoology museum that we went to. It did not know what cryptozoology was - it's the study of monsters and actually it was pretty fun for $5!

We had some sushi for dinner and went to see Bridesmaids before heading back to Kennebunkport. The movie was hilarious in a completely raunchy, silly way.

Our last night, we went to Nunan's Lobster.

It's a lobster shack near Kennebunkport and the lobster was perfect

(I took this picture and then had to turn the little feller around before I could finish eating him! That reminds me, I worked at a seafood restaurant once in Carmel, California, and in our lobster tank, we had "Larry the Lobster." Little kids always came in to visit Larry, and we'd take him out of the tank to show him off... they didn't know that every day Larry was a different lobster) I do feel bad for lobsters, it's not their fault they're so delicious.

If you go to Nunan's, just have the lobster, though. The clam chowder and the blueberry cobbler were awful. So was running back in to go to the bathroom at the back of the restaurant, then walking back out and having your husband inform you that the back of your dress is tucked into your underwear.

Good thing we were leaving town early the next morning.

I want to move to Maine! Seriously. I LOVED it. The people, the landscape, the houses, the weather (really), everything.

But by the end of Saturday, we were really missing the kids. The first part of the trip, we tried to avoid any places that might have kids there, but by Saturday I wanted to ask some lady at the coffee shop whether I could hold her baby! It was so good to get home and have my babies back. I can't wait for our annual family vacations to Kennebunkport to begin!!

BYE, BYE MAINE! TIL NEXT TIME!

Where to Begin...

2011-05-28T04:03:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry, friends. I have been GONE. It took me two days after we got back from vacation to even turn on the computer, and this past week I haven't done more than try to get caught up with work and email. So much has happened, things I want to blog about and things I'm not sure I can put into words. For now, I will share that in the past few days, we have lost our church and our school, and I feel like two of the most important people in my life have just died. I know we will be okay, God is already shining a path out of this darkness, but it will take me a while to straighten out my head and my heart. Right now I can't even look at the pictures from the last day of school this morning, so it might be a while before this is something I can blog about.

So, let me just back up and spend a little while remembering the wonderful trip that Davis and I took, and the reason for my absence last week. We went to Boston and Maine for our tenth anniversary - no kids! - and it was AMAZING!

Tuesday night (this is way back on May 17th, folks) we packed up the kids

and sent them off. Okay, that was hard. We've never left them overnight with anyone, and this was for FIVE DAYS. But they were so excited! Well, the girls were excited, not Henry my velcro baby. The girls went to their grandparents' and asked Davis to leave ha ha! Henry stayed with my friend Carla and her family (their dog Macaroni is now in therapy) and after a tearful/screamingful goodbye, he was completely happy the whole time.

We left early Wednesday morning and arrived in Boston around lunchtime and checked in at our hotel. Oh my gosh. This bed

I woke up the next morning and said "I'm never getting out of this bed!" I really think it might be the most comfortable bed I've ever slept on! BLISS. We stayed at the Fairmont Copley Plaza Hotel, and if you are ever in Boston, I couldn't recommend it more highly! Of course there's the small chance that being on our first child-free vacation since our honeymoon was just so awesome that ANY hotel would have been THE BEST EVER :)

Here's a goofy picture of me I had to have (Karla this one is for you ha ha ha!)

The view from our room looked out on Trinity Church,

and apparently the tallest building in Boston, but we couldn't see it because of the fog! We ventured out into Boston after showering (and stuff). It was really foggy and drizzly and WAY colder than forecast. I don't have a ton of pictures, partly because I kept forgetting to take them and partly because it was just hard to get good ones with the weather.

Boston Common was so beautiful. Really, really beautiful. Like dorks, we sat around on park benches and read about history on Wikipedia on my phone.

Can you spot Davis in this picture?

They had a Paper Source store!! I LIVE on their online shop and didn't even know they had a brick and mortar (literally of course, since it's Boston) store. I wandered around the store saying "Davis pleeeeeease can we move here?" while he rolled his eyes.

We walked forever, miles and miles, and it was totally fine even with the rain. I was just happy to have my honey's undivided attention :) We stopped at King's Chapel, which was really cool and made me think some day it would be awesome to do an Episcopal history tour of the East Coast - yes I am that dorky ha! I have no idea who this guy is, I just took this picture to show that there were monuments on pretty much every block of this city!

We ended up in the North End neighborhood, which I LOVED. It had so much character.

We stopped for a quick beer (water for me of course) at an Irish pub and then went to Neptune Oyster for dinner. I relied on Yelp a lot this trip, since I wasn't familiar with this part of the country, and as usual it was hit or miss, but this was a for sure hit! One of the top five dinners I've ever had, for sure. If you're in Boston - go to Neptune Oyster and have the HOT lobster roll (unlike the cold mayonnaise versions, this one is just a HUGE pile of perfect lobster with lots of melted butter on a yummy toasted bun with the BEST fries)

I want to hop on a plane right now and have another! We ate lobster every day, that was part of my plan for this trip!!

The next morning, Davis woke up way too early. Actually, we both woke up at 6 every morning - those kids have us well trained! I had no trouble, no trouble AT ALL, just laying in bed another couple of hours. But that would have made Davis crazy, so he wandered off for a little while and came back with some Dunkin Donuts coffee for me

It was a joke between us when we were up there - there was a Dunkin Donuts on EVERY block up there (Boston and Maine)! It was crazy. I have never seen any chain (McDonald's, Starbucks, CVS...) with so many stores. I guess those Northerners love their donuts!

I VERY reluctantly left that bed so we could get on the road. We drove around town a little more, but the view was like this

I never saw water! We drove down to the harbor, but the fog was too thick. I have a TON of pictures from Salem and Maine. I loved Maine - like I have been looking for jobs up there kind of love! More of that to come...

Amelia's School Program and Other News

2011-05-15T13:35:00.003-05:00

It has been such a busy, busy week and weekend! This week, Davis and I will be taking our very first child-free vacation since our honeymoon - TEN YEARS AGO! It's our tenth anniversary on Thursday. To say I'm excited is a huge understatement. I've been a little distracted lately, as I drool over pictures of our hotel room and descriptions of breakfast at the B&B we'll be traveling to. I'm also a LOT nervous about the kids, who have never been away from both of us overnight (much less five nights!) BUT they will be in very, very good hands, and they are excited.

In so many ways, these ten years have flown by and they have been happy, happy years. I just cannot imagine my life without my best friend at my side, and I am thankful for him every day! I know these first years of building our home and our family will be years I look back on very fondly. But things have also been hard - law school, three kids in five years, four miscarriages, a child with medical needs and out of state surgeries, they have taken their toll. It's hard to find time to just reconnect and enjoy being a couple among all the other "stuff" going on. And so that is what we are doing next week - we will be in Boston for two days (a city Davis loves and I have never been to), enjoying a fancy hotel, where I intend to SLEEP IN and order room service! And then we are driving up to Maine, where we will spend three days at a little bed and breakfast on the coast. Lobster here I come! I will not be taking my laptop (and unless you have my children and are calling with an emergency, I also will not be answering my phone!) so I'll be taking a little blogging break. I can't wait to tell you all about our trip when we get back!

(Oh and if you're a crazy internet stalking burglar, we have an alarm and a housesitter, sorry!)

So, it's been busy as we pack and prepare. We've done lots of things I haven't taken pictures of, like I took Sophia to a fancy restaurant for spaghetti (her choice) as a thank you for being such a HUGE help on our trip to California. We've been playing this memory game at family night - I love it because the four of us (Davis, me, the girls) are really equally good at it, so it's fun.

AND since I wrote my post about Henry, he has really started walking! He still crawls if he's in a big hurry, but most of the time now he walks. YAY!

Yeah I know, no pants. Again.

Friday was Amelia's school program. It was SO sweet! I love her preschool, and I'm so sad this is her last year there. Henry will start there in a year and a half, just a couple of mornings a week. I love that place and will miss it until then!

Before the program started, Henry decided to test out the chairs

Here they come!

Unfortunately, we didn't have a good shot of Amelia - can you see her? She's on the right in the middle row

The program was great. I love their new music teacher, Miss Amy - she really taught the kids some great musical terms and concepts this year

Here is Amelia with her little friend Stella - I LOVE Stella, she is just the sweetest little girl! I went to law school with her dad and her mom is really cool too, and I'm looking forward to getting the girls together lots this summer

After the program, they had snack - but not before praying

Amelia made me laugh SO hard with her cupcake!

She was all business - she got that wrapper off and ate that cupcake in two bites. All the other kids were just starting theirs, and hers was GONE!

Here is Amelia with her teacher, Miss Martha

We love Miss Martha! I have myself all worked up already, knowing which teachers I want Henry to have there... isn't that bad? Luckily all the teachers are fabulous, so it's not a big deal if it doesn't work out that way.

Here is an artfully composed picture that Davis took ha ha!

To celebrate what a great job she did, I made Amelia's favorite dessert this weekend - strawberry shortcake! (it's my favorite too)

Is there anything happier than sprinkles? Not if you're a 4 or 5 (or 32) year old girl!

Sophia and I have been working on sight words, and I have some flash cards we run through sometimes at breakfast or during random times. Amelia was feeling left out, so now she tells us what the lowercase letters are, and Sophia tells me what the words are

The weather is GORGEOUS here this weekend!! I am packing and cleaning and doing laundry, but I keep running outside to check on the kids playing in the yard, and lingering a little to soak up the sun and the smell of freshly cut grass (not ours, unfortunately ha ha! But the neighbors have all been mowing) I wish I had the time to really work in the yard - it needs it SO badly, but there are eleventy billion other things that have taken priority lately, and it's a wreck.

Happy Sunday, friends!

Lunch

2011-05-13T06:11:00.001-05:00

Last Sunday I made the kids spinach quesadillas - one of the ways they WILL eat spinach

and a favorite after church lunch, because it only takes a few minutes to make, and they come home hungry!

Just melt some butter in a large iron skillet, put down a tortilla, top with cheese and spinach that has been sauteed to just wilted, then another quesadilla. Cook for a few minutes, flip, remove and cut. Sometimes I add chicken if I have some left over, or mushrooms.

15 Months!

2011-05-11T05:55:00.000-05:00

My Little Bear was being a total stinker last week - he had three teeth coming in, and unlike the girls, he let's us know about it whenever he is teething! He was not sleeping well at night, basically skipping all of his naps until late afternoon when he'd crash, and he was c-l-i-n-g-y. But his top tooth finally broke through, and thankfully he's been happy the past couple of days. When Henry is happy, he is REALLY happy - he is just all smiles all the time. And he's FUNNY - he loves to make us all laugh!

And even when he is being a stinker, he is SO SWEET! When I pick him up, he puts his head on my left shoulder and wraps his arms so tightly around my neck. Sometimes he pats my back. And he will lay there like that, happily, for hours. He probably would for days if I let him. It is the sweetest thing in the world, and I cherish it. I wish I didn't have pesky laundry to fold and dinner to cook, then I would just sit there with my Babyleech on my shoulder!

Henry is walking... but only as a party trick, not as an actual mode of transportation. He can walk all over the house, with an audience of people clapping and cheering him along. But when he just wants to get from Point A to Point B, he always crawls. My children know that crawling drives me crazy, and that walking is the one milestone I am SO anxious for them to reach, so they have all been late walkers. That's just how it goes.

He will also walk when he has this popper - it was my cousin's 40 years ago!!

Obviously, he doesn't wear clothes. Actually, he really does. I promise.

Henry can also talk, but prefers not to. He can say "eat" and "up" and "Momma" and "Daddy" and "Sissy" and he has a few sounds the mean other things. But "Daddy" is the only word he will consistently say. He babbles all of the time, though, and when he wants something, he will usually point, grunt like a crave baby, and/or scream.

He loves bath time, though I have to watch him so closely! I remember when the girls got to this age, I could clean the bathroom while they were in the tub (with just a few inches of water, and never out of my sight, of course). But not Henry - he does insane stuff like stick his face in the water and inhale or stand up in the middle of the tub and start dancing! His favorite game is to have me sit at the edge to the tub while he sticks a bath toy in my mouth and I spit it out. When I spit it out, he laughs hysterically. Over and over and over again, it never gets old. Same thing with me pretending to eat his toes after his bath or kissing his belly.

He also loves his trucks, especially his dump truck, which he pushes all over the house

It makes me SO happy to have a little boy pushing trucks around my house!!

If you catch him doing something wrong, he yells at you!! It's the funniest thing and always makes us laugh. Also if he knows you're going to take something away from him, or say no to him, he yells at you with the same yell. In the coming months, this will go from "cute" to "not so cute" (along with tantrums) - but right now, we can't help but laugh.

He is a hungry boy! He eats more than the girls do at most meals, and at breakfast he eats more than anyone in the family. He's still a great eater, and hasn't encountered any food he doesn't love. His favorite food right now is bananas. Well, and corn of course!

Henry is in 12-18 month clothes, size 4 shoes, and a size 4 Pampers, although we are switching to these, which we will also use with the new baby - we love them, and I'm sure I'll eventually do a cloth diapering post. They have helped Henry with his diaper rashes too.

We all love our Henry Benry! He makes us all laugh, and I'm pretty sure he's got us all wrapped around his chubby little finger!

Then Sings My Soul

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Days of Our Lives

Wordless Wednesday ~ In the Evening

Encouragement

Wir Sprechen Deutsch!

Three Months!

These Weeks!

Things I Love ~ Postpartum Wardrobe

A Typical Scene From My Bed

My Other Blog... That Long Forgotten One

Things I Love ~ Baby Christmas Gifts

Wordless Wednesday ~ Hours of 4 Year Old Entertainment

Best. Christmas. Ever.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Gratitudes

Wordless Wednesday "I like that Dr. Seuss, Mom. He's a funny guy."

A Little Catching Up

Things I Love - Baby Sleeping Softness Edition

Good Eats

Wordless Wednesday ~ Santa Learning All About American Girl Dolls

Thanksgiving

One Month

Country Weekend

Wordless Wednesday ~ A Day In the Life ~ I Love This Life

The White Door

Siblings

2.5 Weeks of Having Wyatt Randomness

A Happy Birthday

One More C-Section Post

Books for Boys

Wordless Wednesday ~ One Week Ago Today ~ Wyatt's Birth Day

C-Section

Welcoming Wyatt

National Night Out

Waiting

The Normals

33 Weeks

Report From Bed - 1

Forgiveness

I Love You, Cool Weather!

Solutions

Ballet and Soccer

School!

A Lovely Ordinary Week

Henry at 18 Months

Phew! We Made It!

Wordless Wednesday - Breakfast Thief

This Weekend - Celebrating the Past and Future

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Small Solutions

Twist on Movie Night

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No Knead Bread

Henry Before Bed

Dinner?

It's Hot!

Boys!

Baby Wyatt Update

Nails, Firecrackers, Cousins, Watermelon, Freedom!

Happy Independence Day!

Somewhere Between a Vacation and Staycation...

Cooking for the Future

Phone Picture Catch Up

Feelings

Summer Reading - for Beginners

Baby Wyatt Update

Diapers :)

SIX!!

Catching Up!

Memorial Day Weekend

Sophia Has Some News to Tell You!

Maine I LOOOOOVE You!!

Where to Begin...

Amelia's School Program and Other News

Lunch

15 Months!