My Love

In church this morning, we were asked to think of someone who has been a positive influence on our lives, someone who has made us a better person. The first person I thought of was my dear husband, Davis. We met when I was nineteen, and I can't really imagine what kind of person I might be today without him or how my life might be different. A third of my life has been with him, and he has been with me through so much, that it's hard to distinguish the influence he has had on me from the influences of life in general. But I do know that he is Good in my life. He is my family, he is patience and love and honor. He is a wonderful father to my children. And he is always, always there for me.

Several years ago, shortly after we got married, I had a dream that Davis died. I was in our home several days after his funeral, and my sister-in-law was staying with me. She was fussing over me and trying to come up with ways to comfort me and make me feel better, but it wasn't working. She offered to get dinner or something, and I broke down and cried "that's not what I need!" My sister-in-law asked me "what do you need?" I realized that I didn't know what I needed. Then I thought, Davis would know how to make me feel better. I woke up, sobbing, at the thought that the only person who would know how to comfort me after the death of my husband was Davis. And he was gone. For a moment I was in that twilight between awake and asleep, and I looked over and saw that I was alone in bed. I panicked, frantically reminding myself that it was a dream. I went into the living room, where I saw Davis asleep on couch - he had come home late from a movie and hadn't wanted to wake me. I just started boo-hooing really loudly, which woke him up. He asked me what was wrong and I tried to explain, but I couldn't stop crying. He had NO idea how to make me feel better at that moment, he just looked at me like I was crazy and said "but I'm NOT dead!!"

After that night, I decided to make the most of every day that I had with him, because we never know how long we might have and I didn't want to waste a moment. I haven't been that successful, and I'm sad about that. During law school, the bar exam, hormonal pregnancies and post-partum moments, working at the firm, dealing with the day to day stresses of having two toddlers in a small house, I just haven't been the wife that I wanted to be. I haven't made the most of every day with him. I've taken him for granted and forgotten how precious he is to me.

Tomorrow is our seventh wedding anniversary, and I love Davis more than I did the day I married him. I pray that I will be better at letting him know that, at making the most of every moment, of truly being thankful for him.