Swaff

I’m a bit of a word geek, and we have a book called The Word Museum, the most remarkable English words ever forgotten… it’s a fun compilation of old words that are no longer used. Sometimes I discover words that I think should still be around, because we don’t have a good replacement for them:

Swaff: to come one over the other, like waves upon the shore.

Part of my resolution to get back to thanksgiving as a theme in my life, was to start a journal of things for which I am thankful. You will be very happy to know that I am not going to share all of it, because it is crazy long. But as I started writing, the multitude of blessings in my life came one over the other, like waves upon the shore, faster than I could write. And, like I wrote about before, those waves started drowning out my sadness, my bitterness, my disappointment.

I am so stubborn, so blind sometimes, that I need this concrete, in writing, undeniable reminder of God’s grace in my life, in front of me… for me, thanksgiving is like spiritual Drano - it unclogs my heart so that I can once again let the power of the Holy Spirit fill me with strength and love and joy.

I will share a fraction of the things for which I am unspeakably grateful…

-for the Lord, who is the author of my salvation, with whom all things are possible.

-for my husband, who is always there. No matter how unlovable I may be sometimes, I know he loves me. I honestly have never seen such unfaltering love and forgiveness from another human. I don’t know what I have done to deserve him, but I thank God for him!

-for Sophia, who has been one of my greatest teachers on earth. From the time she was just a few weeks old and started enduring endless pokes and prods and biopsies, she taught me just about everything I know about courage. She is so brave and wise, and she amazes me every day. Ever since our sweet dog Suzie died last year, Sophia has spent a lot of time talking about death and Heaven and trying to understand it all. She has asked about her dying and us dying too. I was worried that she was getting stressed out about it, or that it would frighten her, but one day she said to me in the most confident joyful voice “when you die, God picks you up and takes you to Heaven.” Can I just tell you that the visual image of God our Father picking me up, picking my tiny babies up, picking my dying grandmother up – straight from the heart of a three year old – has done so much to heal my wounds and fears?

-for sweet Amelia, who is a constant source of joy and laughter in our lives. I literally cannot think of her without smiling. Last night I lifted her up while she slept and held her for about an hour, just looking at her… I love how in her sleep she still looks like a baby, the way she curls up her body and scrunches up her face takes me right back to when she was a newborn. I am so thankful for moments like last night, I want to bottle them up and carry them with me forever.

-for my job. I left my law firm last year at this time, because their insurance changed without warning, and put Sophia’s April 1st surgery in jeopardy. I frantically searched for a job, and as He always does, God not only fixed the “problem” by providing me with this job that has great benefits, but in the process I also ended up with a job that allows me to spend dozens more hours with my family every week. Not only do I have more time with my family, but I have more energy and life left for my family, because there is so much less stress with this job. Plus, with the economy, I am so much better off – my job is very secure now, whereas many of my clients from the firm went under shortly after I left (yep, those banks you hear about on the news).

God is good!