A Perfect Body

From the day she was born, we have struggled with how to help Sophia learn to love her body and be okay with it. It's been hard the past year to both make her birthmark something that is completely okay and also something that she's okay with being removed. Does that make sense? Like we don't want to say "your birthmark is so special and we love it" and then cut it off. Luckily, God has led us and somehow we've found the right words to say, I think.

The other day Sophia was talking about how all of her spots make her special... then she said "Daddy has a few spots, so I guess he's a little bit special." Ha!

A few nights ago, Sophia looked in the mirror and remarked on how her scars have started to get smaller and fade, and she asked me why her owies were going away. I told her "your body is SO amazing, it is healing those owies." Since then, she has come running to me every morning exclaiming "my body healed those owies EVEN MORE!" and I can just tell she is bursting with pride.

I've struggled so this past year with not loving my body... actually, I've hated my body at times. I've hated that it just doesn't work, that my hormones are some crazy unique brand of not normal, that no matter what I can't manage to ovulate or even if I do I inexplicably can't stay pregnant, that it's all just so dysfunctional.

And yet I know, our bodies are perfect. God created them - the same God who created the universe made them!!!!!

God made Sophia just the way she is, and she is perfect. Although I wish I could take away the pain she has endured, I wish I could spare her from the stares and comments, and I pray that we never face melanoma or other complications, I wouldn't wish away all the amazing things God has done with our family through this journey... we have met some friends in Texas whose son had the same thing, who ultimately led us to our amazing plastic surgeon there and who have become some of our very best friends. We have met another plastic surgeon here in town who has given us the security to do Sophia's tissue expansion from home, knowing he is here and seeing us when needed, even though he is now a cosmetic surgeon and doesn't even see children anymore (more later, but check out that Operation New Life button on my left sidebar and check out the other amazing things he is doing and how you can help!) We have learned above all to lean on God in ways we never have before. I really can't even name all the blessings of the past three years. And I know He isn't done with us yet.

And God made my body just the way it is too. He allowed it to conceive and carry my two perfect children. And for some reason known only to Him, he has also made it incapable of carrying another child since then. My body is not "dysfunctional," because it is functioning in exactly the way He intended it to.

Some road blocks have come up these past few days, and the end result is that we will not be able to become foster parents until probably the end of this year at the earliest. We were scheduled for the training next weekend, but now won't be able to attend until September. That means probably November or so would be the earliest we could be licensed. And although I am sad and disappointed that a baby will, once again, not be in our near future, I know that this too is perfect. I said when we started this journey that I know one of the ways in which we will be blessed through this process (whatever the outcome!) is that God will work in my heart to change me. I am not a patient person (this is a huge understatement), and so here the changing begins ;)

From Psalm 139...

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.