Feelings

Last week we remembered our own angel, Violet, on her due date. It was a sad day, but I made it through, mostly because things were so busy. We've been so busy grieving our school/church situation, my sadness has been a constant vague companion. Add hormones to the mix and I just have tears beneath the surface pretty much all the time.

This morning I got an email from BabyCenter: Your Baby at One Week. It seems so odd, that we SHOULD have a newborn right now. But instead we are preparing for the arrival of a different baby - instead of a girl, a boy. Happy anticipation, mixed with fear of Wyatt's complications, mixed with sadness that we don't have Violet. Our church, which has always been a place of so much comfort to me, is no longer that place. Our school, which was a place of hope and joy for ourselves as much as our children, is gone. Most days I am so busy, and so wrapped up in the joy of my three kiddos, that things feel fine. And then when everyone else is in bed, when it's quiet and dark, those feelings that have been so close to the surface all day well up.

One of my favorite things that I learned in the Education for Ministry class that I was taking at church last year, was this prayer. I have it posted on my bathroom mirror. It settles those feelings and helps me sleep.

Lord it is night.

The night is for stillness.

Let us be still in the presence of God.

It is night after a long day.

What has been done has been done; what has not been done has not been done.

Let it be.

The night is dark.

Let our fears of the darkness of the world and of our own lives rest in you.

The night is quiet.

Let the quietness of your peace enfold us, all dear to us, and all who have no peace.

The night heralds the dawn.

Let us look expectantly to a new day, new joys, new possibilities.

In your name we pray.

Amen