C-Section

Well, now that I have had a medicated vaginal hospital delivery, a homebirth, and a c-section, and I wrote a post about my homebirth experience, I thought I would do a post about my c-section.

First of all, I have ZERO regrets about having a c-section. After the losses we have had and the scares of this pregnancy, I know all too well that truly the only thing that matters is the safe delivery of a healthy baby. For many reasons, I think the least-invasive safe delivery of a healthy baby is best for everyone involved (I can say that with even more conviction now that I've had all modes of delivery), but there is no part of me that second-guesses or doubts our decision to have Wyatt via c-section. I am lucky that I have had a natural birth, so I don't feel cheated out of that experience or like I will never know what it's like. I am also lucky that Wyatt is our last baby, so I haven't affected future deliveries with the section.

The biggest difference to me between a natural birth and a c-section is ridiculously obvious now that I put it in writing... it's how UNnatural the experience was. I was truly shocked with Henry's labor and delivery just how natural it all was. We had taken no childbirth classes, and no one at the birth was telling me what was going on or what I needed to do - my body knew EXACTLY what to do. I forgot even the things I read - all of my coping mechanisms, all the ways I moved and didn't move, when to push and not push, etc. were done completely passively by my body and not by any decisions on my part. It blew my mind, and I don't think I've ever done anything that felt so natural.

On the other hand, having a c-section was just freakish. Really. The closest analogy I can think of, and what I thought of when it was happening, was that this is what it might feel like to be abducted by aliens. I can't even describe the weirdness of feeling people taking your organs out and reaching up inside of your cut open abdomen while you're awake. I had a small panic attack when I first got to the OR, partly because I had had only about 40 minutes to think about the fact that I was about to have a c-section. And of course I had spent that whole time thinking about Wyatt and not the fact that I was about to have surgery. So when it finally hit me that I was there to get cut open, it freaked me out. Whereas going into labor with Henry was exhilarating and I had a total peace about it, going into the c-section was scary.

The hardest thing about having a c-section has been how sad I am that it is affecting my ability to be a mother to my children. I kept apologizing to Wyatt in the hospital that he has such a lame mom - several times he had to cry hungrily while I wiggled and squirmed my way up to get him out of his bassinet. I was completely awkward changing his diaper and burping him the first few times. Simple things like being able to get down and kneel next to Amelia's bed at bedtime to pray and say good night like we always do, it makes me so sad that I can't. And probably most of all, I am heartbroken for Henry. More than probably ever in his life, he wants and needs me to pick him up and snuggle him and physically love on him. I remember when Amelia was born, Sophia (who had always been a great sleeper) started waking up at night, and all she needed was some extra TLC - I would go into her room and just hold and kiss her until she fell back asleep and after a couple of weeks, she was back to sleeping through the night. It kills me that when Henry reaches his arms up to me, I can't swoop down and pick him up. We're learning to sit and have him crawl up next to me, but I am even scared to let him onto my lap yet, for fear that he will accidentally hurt my incision. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do things like bathe the kids or pick them up, but I am shocked at how much I can't do for/with them, and I hate it.

Pain wise... there is not even a comparison between the births. Henry's was by FAR the least painful birth (labor, birth, and recovery), followed by Amelia and Sophia, followed by Wyatt. Even recovering from a third degree tear, the pain after a c-section is just a lot worse. Having said that, it's really not as bad as I had feared. I was really scared, remembering how much pain I was in after having my gall bladder out. But having an incision at the bottom of my abdomen compared to the top makes it less painful to move around. And just like with a vaginal delivery, the distraction of having a sweet newborn makes the pain much easier to ignore. It's been surprisingly nice to have a totally in-tact and un-painful perineum after birth - there have been several times that I've been consciously thankful for that. But people who actually WANT to have a c-section because they are scared of the pain of childbirth are crazy nuts.

Obviously the recovery time is totally different. With all of my vaginal deliveries, I was pretty much back to my normal physical state within 24 hours - going shopping, doing laundry, etc. With Henry, the midwife had to scold me to get back in bed about 20 minutes after he was born, when she caught me standing up and digging through a laundry basket of clean clothes to find a robe.

I am only 4 days out from surgery, but I thought I would also write down some of the things that I was told or have come up with that I think have helped this be about as painless and good of an experience as it can be. I also wanted to write down how my recovery has been so far, because I know this is the kind of thing I'll forget very soon. I was so thankful for my friends who had had c-sections, who told me what to expect and gave me advice - so I want to remember this stuff if someone asks later.

Wyatt was born at 11:45 in the morning. The first 12 hours after the surgery I was pretty immobile. I really didn't move at all - as my friend Susan said, "just enough to keep from getting bed sores!" Ha! It actually worried me, how much it hurt just to try to roll to one side or sit up. Getting Wyatt out of his bassinet, getting in position or nurse him, trying to burp him and change his diapers - those were all really hard at first. A video camera in my room would have been funny, as I am sure I looked ridiculous wiggling around trying to make it work. The good thing is...

Right around midnight, which is when they started my IV Toradol (the best!), the pain got 1000x better and I was able to move around in the bed without much trouble. The Toradol was a lot more effective for me than the epidural Fentanyl. For the rest of the night, I was able to take care of Wyatt without problems and really didn't have much pain. Going from laying to sitting was painful, so I slept mostly upright in my bed.

At around 10 am on Day 1 after surgery, I got out of bed. I had a lot of people standing around ready to catch me if I fell, but I had no trouble getting out of bed by myself. Everything - like stretching out when I stood up - hurt at first, but I found out that after I powered through that, it was so much easier the next time. I shuffled to the bathroom, sat on the toilet, and gave myself the most awesome sponge bath EVER! Seriously, it was wonderful because I felt really gross. The nurses changed my bedding and gave me a new gown, and I even brushed my hair - aah!

24 hours after surgery, I started walking around the room regularly. Several people had told me to walk as much and as early as possible, and I really do think it made a big difference. About every hour or so, I would get out of bed and just piddle around the room for about 10 minutes and then lay back down. Around 3pm on Day 1, I asked them to take out my epidural. Honestly, I didn't feel any difference - I think the Toradol was really what was keeping my pain away. And the epidural made me itchy. After that, I started walking the halls. I pushed Wyatt's bassinet and did two laps around the unit, which also took about 10-14 minutes. I did that three times on Day 1, as well as continuing to get out of bed regularly to go to the bathroom (I drink a LOT of water when I'm first breastfeeding!) and just walk around the room. Going from sitting to standing, or lying to sitting, was still painful all day, but only during those transitions.

On Day 2, I was disconnected from my IV and was finally free from all tubes and monitors. I got up pretty early and packed up all my stuff - I was excited after my doctor saw me and agreed to let me go home! I did take the Percocet they had prescribed me for the first time, because I was scared of how I would feel once the Toradol left my system. I was having some burning pain around my incision and it still hurt to transition from lying to sitting to standing, but everything was tolerable. I went home at around 2 pm on Day 2.

I discovered that actually the more I was on my feet, the better I felt. If I spent too long in bed, I would feel really achy and sore afterwards. Plus I was just REALLY happy to be home! So when I got home, I spent the rest of the afternoon straightening up the house (no bending down to the floor or lifting - just putting away dishes, etc.) and just walking around. The only medicine I took at this point was Motrin every 6 hours - I did take that every 6 hours regardless of whether I was hurting or not. I was still having burning pain around my incision, so I decided to put one of those perineal cold pads that I used after my vaginal deliveries on my incision. Oh my gosh, it felt SO good! I kept one on my incision for the next two days, and it made ALL my incision discomfort go away. Late on Day 2, I decided to take a nap after nursing the baby, and without thinking about it, I laid down flat on my back... until I woke up and was stuck there like a turtle! I hadn't thought about the fact that at the hospital I used the automatic bed to get up and down. Davis helped me up while I yelled and said bad words. After that, I slept propped up on a few pillows, with more pillows piled next to me. When it was time to get up, I'd stuff those other pillows behind my back to slowly bring myself up. By the middle of Day 3, I wasn't having any more trouble sitting up normally.

Today was Day 3. Honestly, I feel fine. Other than not lifting anything and not bending down to the floor, I have been about as active as I might normally be on a weekend day at home - fixing lunch and taking care of the house and kids, but nothing too ambitious -dinner was leftovers from the wonderful spaghetti that someone from church brought us last night. I have found that I DO need to keep taking the Motrin. I ran out this morning and didn't take it for most of the night and day, but I got pretty sore after about 10 hours and am back on it now. As long as I take the Motrin, I'm not really having much pain. I am just achy and sore, maybe like I would feel the day after a strenuous work out. The thing that's bothering me the most, actually, is the tape burn I have from my surgical dressing - it is very raised and red and itchy. I have been putting cortisone cream on it, and that is helping a little. I have also found that, other than on Day 1, the afterpains haven't been nearly as bad this time as before, and I think it's because I have been really good about drinking Red Raspberry Leaf Tea - I drink about 3 strong cups a day.

One thing I was worried about was breastfeeding, because I had heard it can be harder after a c-section. I don't know if it's because this is my fourth baby, but I really didn't find that to be the case. I have a huge gross belly between by boobs and my incision, so I haven't had any trouble nursing in normal positions. Only the first 12 hours were hard, because I couldn't move well to re-position myself or baby.

So, in a nutshell, my advice would be:

1. Get up and walk as soon as you can after surgery. Without wearing yourself out, walk as often as you can.

2. Use non-steroidal anti-inflammatory medications (Toradol in the hospital/Motrin at home) - honestly, I think they work way better than narcotics.

3. Get some perineal cold pads (the L&D unit has them, so snag those, but you can order more online) and put them on your incision.

4. Drink Red Raspberry Leaf Tea starting one cup a day your whole third trimester and increase after 36 weeks (I never did, because of my preterm labor) and then drink lots after the baby is born.

So, that was my c-section experience. NOW I need to figure out how to get back in shape, lose the EIGHTY pounds I need to lose to get back to my pre-kids weight, and tone up this INSANE belly!! But first... there's a baby who needs snuggles next to me :)

P.S. - I just remembered, I have started taking arnica tablets too. Because they had so much trouble getting Wyatt out and were mashing on me, cutting more, using the vacuum, etc. I am pretty bruised up around my incision. We'll see if it helps.