First of all, here's the post. Pretty awesome, huh?
The last couple of years have been so weird, because of something I totally thought I was done with after high school - peer pressure! I remember in college and law school being so self-assured and confident, I was totally comfortable doing things my own way. I really didn't care what my friends thought. Most of my friends had wealthier families and wore fancier clothes and designer purses and had new cars, and did much cooler things that I did, but it just didn't phase me. I was content.
Well, for some reason, my insecurity has returned, or something, because I've found myself feeling this nagging pull to keep up with my friends. I find myself questioning decisions that we made with so much certainty (like my husband staying at home so that our kids would have a parent at home) because of the stupidest reasons (maybe if he worked we could move to one of "those" neighborhoods and live in one of "those" houses). Aside from the fact that it absolutely goes against everything we believe about what's best for our family, it's totally stupid because we don't even want to live in those neighborhoods and those houses. I love that our neighborhood is a mish-mash of old ladies and young families and really really awesome neighbors, not all of whom are lawyers and doctors with 2.5 kids and a housekeeper. I love that this neighborhood is old, that people have memories of my street that go back their entire lives - the lady at the end of my block has lived in her house since 1958. I love this old house, with all its faults and imperfections. I love it for many reasons like our screened-in front porch that we watch thunder storms on, but mostly, because it's home.
And yet, there's this part of me that constantly wonders if I really am the only person in the world who doesn't have a playroom and a guestroom and a separate dining room. And what's wrong with me?! And what do people think about the fact that I live in this itty, bitty, tiny 1,300 square foot dump... And maybe I should go back to working at a law firm nights and weekends, nevermind that I was the worst wife and mother ever because of all the stress, and maybe my husband should get a job so that we can give our children the proper home they deserve... HELLO! REALITY CHECK! I literally read Karla's post once a week or more, because I just need it.
Growing up, we once lived in an 800 square foot house - my parents, my brother and I. And you know what? It never felt small to me. I had no idea how tiny it was until I went and drove by as an adult. I'm actually thankful that I had to share a room with my brother - I learned some lessons that came in handy when it was time to share rooms in college, and even more when I first shared an apartment with my husband! Not only did we not have a playroom, but our toys stayed in our rooms. That taught me to pick up after myself and to respect other people's spaces. Our guests? They slept on the pull-out sofa in the livingroom, which says "mi casa es su casa" better than anything :) Okay, so that last one might be a stretch, but the point is, having a guest room really is NOT as important as having a job that allows me to take time off to be with my kids, and not be stressed out about work all the time. It's certainly not as important as allowing my children to be home with a parent. It's not worth feeling poor over, or having to rely on our families for help, or going into debt to maintain.
So why this sudden inferiority complex? I think part of me still wonders whether everyone else got the How To Be a Grown-Up book... maybe there's a chapter that says if you're not living in at least 3,500 square feet by the time you're thirty you're a failure. Maybe there's a part that says you're not allowed to have children unless you own china, and a china cabinet, and a proper dining room to put it in. Maybe, because everyone else is doing it, I'm missing something and their way really is better than our way...
But truthfully, I wouldn't trade my kitchen/dining room/toddler art studio/laundry folding facility for a separate dining room.
Well, my prayer tonight is for God to free me from greed and envy, to fill me with gratitude, to help me stand firm in my family's beliefs, to remind me to live simply and humbly for His glory.
If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth... And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.
-Colossians 3
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