Support Your Local Mom

Motherhood...

It's the job we've been practicing for since we were tots. And yet once we get there, there's a freefall into am-I-really-qualified-for-this fear. Sadly, far too many other mothers are willing to feed into our insecurities rather than cheering us on.

Sophia giving her baby doll a bottle

As strongly as I feel about breastfeeding being AWESOME, I would never ever ever ever ever in a million billion years want to make another mom feel bad for the decision to bottle feed her child. Because of her medical condition, Sophia will never be able to breastfeed. It is my goal to change the world, so that by the time she has her own children, she will never be made to feel (at least from another mom!) that she's being a bad mother for not breastfeeding!

When my babies were little, I saw friends all around me quit breastfeeding, often because of a total lack of support (usually from their moms or other friends who told them "oh stop torturing yourself and just give her formula already!") It made me sad, because I was on the other side of those (really hard!) first few weeks and knew how rewarding breastfeeding could ultimately be. So after I had exclusively nursed my second baby for about six months, I called La Leche League and inquired about becoming one of their "Leaders." I remember calling a Leader when I was nursing Sophia and was distraught when she went on a nursing strike (as it turned out because of teething) and how nice it was to talk to another mom with more experience. Well, I was basically told by LLL that they didn't want me, because I was working mom. From the time Amelia was seven weeks old, I had been pumping and my husband was giving her bottles of my expressed milk during the day, and then I nursed her at night. I was told something to the effect that this wasn't really breastfeeding (nevermind the fact that I had breastfed - no pumps - my other daughter for eighteen months) and since they don't encourage moms to work, they didn't want me for a Leader. I was floored. Breastfeeding my first baby was hard, but working and pumping was inifitely harder! I had learned so much about how to make it all work - at this point I was working for the second largest law firm in my state and was putting in a bazillion hours a week, sitting through depositions when I needed to pump, etc. - and I was longing to share my experience with other working moms, who I knew needed that support.

I was sad to see breastfeeding moms being told that it wasn't worth their effort and they should just quit, or that pumping is somehow not real breastfeeding. But I was also really sad to see formula feeding moms meant to feel like they were being bad moms, especially from people who had no idea what was going on. I know some moms who totally quit breastfeeding because as soon as they started supplementing with formula, any support they got from the breastfeeding gurus stopped (I can tell you that I started supplementing with Amelia when she turned six months old and successfully continued to breastfeed her - she just got one bottle of forumla a day so I could cut out one pumping session).

We moms all love our children and are just trying the best we can to do what we feel is best for our children. There is so much pressure on us from the rest of the world, we need to stand together and support one another. It is great to share your experiences, and even your convictions and beliefs, but please stop tearing each other down. There are so many dividing lines - breastfeeding, circumcision, vaccinating, co-sleeping, sleep training, the list could go on forever. It breaks my heart. Mothering is exhausting. We are so hard on ourselves, we feel guilty all the time, we constantly question ourselves (when did women stop believing that the answers were within them, rather than in books and message boards and magazines?!), we are bombarded with "advice" from every direction... let's not add to it.

If you think someone is a good mom, tell them. I promise it will make their day, and in a job that often comes with zero recognition, it's so important! One of the best compliments I have ever gotten, which I will always remember, was when my pediatrician told a friend of mine that I was a good mom (the other was when one year old Sophia pointed to a picture of Grace Kelly and said "mama").

Next time you're talking to a mom who is making a parenting decision different from yours, listen to what she's saying rather than instinctively becoming defensive about your own choices. Find common ground.

Cheer those mom friends on! If a mom's made it two months breastfeeding, tell her great job. If a mom's made it one more sleepless night without running off with the circus, tell her you're right there with her!

If a new mom or pregnant friend asks for advice, give her most important piece of advice of all: listen to your gut. It's your baby, you'll know.

C'mon people now

Smile on your [sister!]

Ev'rybody get together

Try to love one another right now!