It Was So Cute, I Cried

Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.

Jeremiah 33:3

I love that scripture. Love it. It was a Sticky Note on my desktop for months before this baby was conceived. There have been so many times over the past year that I felt a hurt or a desire deep within me, when I read scripture and talked to friends and just cried... but it was never until I called out to the Lord that I felt unburdened. For some reason, it often took me days or weeks before I remembered to ASK God for help, to ASK Him to show me the way, to CALL onto Him. But whenever I did, He answered me... not in the way of someone who owes me answers, not always in a way that I understood right away. But he showed me great and mighty things, which I did not know.

We received a letter from Beatrice, our child who we sponsor through Compassion. She is a year older than Sophia, and her letters always include a tracing of her precious hand. Sophia loves to lay her hand over the tracing to see how her own hand measures up. We always talk about what it must be like in Ghana right now, and what Beatrice might be doing and feeling. We're so blessed that we have brought Beatrice into our lives.

We have scheduled our foster care training for October and our homestudy for shortly before that. Everything else is complete. To be completely honest, I still have no idea where this foster care journey is leading us, because it has been unexpected and not led by us from the beginning... sometimes pushing us forward, sometimes holding us back. For now, we continue to simply follow.

When I was pregnant with Sophia, I took for granted that everything would be perfect. I was not high risk in any sense. I enjoyed the experience of being pregnant for the first time in a new-adventure sort of way. But I did not treasure it in a day-to-day sort of way, or recognize how fragile it might have been. With Amelia, I was studying for the bar exam, I had a toddler going through operations with major complications, I was starting a new career as an attorney in a large law firm... to say I did not savor that pregnancy is a huge understatement. I barely remember that pregnancy - I'm pretty sure it only last a few weeks.

When I first found out I was pregnant with this baby and got my initial (bad) blood work back, I prayed immediately that I would be released from any fears and anxieties that would keep me from loving this baby and enjoying this pregnancy fully, no matter how long it lasted... and my prayers were answered abundantly and instantly. I have LOVED being pregnant, I have kept a journal, and I have bonded with this little baby bean from the beginning.

Last night I had some pains that were strong enough to wake me, and they continued this morning. I wasn't too worried because I had no bleeding, but called the nurse to be safe. She asked me to come in to see the doctor, just because of my history. I'm so glad now that I did - because I HEARD the baby's heartbeat today (170) for the first time, saw a perfect and cute and pretty much fully formed 10 week old baby... and THE BABY WAVED AT ME!!

It was so cute, I cried.