Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Normals

I haven't been blogging because... well, I've been sitting/laying in my bed for a couple of weeks and there isn't a lot going on in my life, or, sorry to say, my brain. But I got into a bit of a discussion on Facebook today, and it got me thinking about a topic that is obviously on my brain right now - giving birth and feeding a newborn.

I reacted to comments on Facebook by several people who said that feeding baby formula was the "easy way" and that breastfeeding was just so hard and inconvenient. First of all, I found the opposite to be true - formula feeding is a PAIN! When baby is a newborn and waking up in the middle of the night, who wants to get out of bed and go all the way to the kitchen to mix up/warm a bottle while baby wails, instead of just reaching over, getting baby out of the bassinet and nursing them back to sleep before anyone ever fully wakes up?! When Henry was ten months old and I was pregnant with Violet, my supply really tanked, and I was giving him formula about half the time and nursing him the other half. I can't tell you how many times my poor boy was out on some errand with me screaming and hungry, because his bad momma had forgotten to pack a bottle - I was just so used to the ease of always having his food supply with me!

But aside from the fact that I disagree about formula feeding being more convenient, I really have a problem with people going around talking about how hard breastfeeding is. I think we have really turned things upside down in our society by taking perfectly normal as-nature-intended things like breastfeeding and giving birth, and making them into some heroically difficult feats that women must choose to overcome... or choose the alternative, the "easy" way of giving baby a bottle or having a medically-managed delivery.

When we talk about how hard breastfeeding is, and we show images on TV of birth as this horrifically scary, painful, and dramatic event, we scare new mothers! We create doubt. So many women never even try to breastfeed or have a normal delivery, because they have been so programmed to think these things are too difficult. Even those who try, often are set up for failure and give up too soon, because again, they have been told over and over again that they are doing some really hard thing. SURE, there are challenges to breastfeeding and of course giving birth hurts... but we all accept that when we become pregnant we will deal with morning sickness, and backaches, and stretch marks, and heartburn, and swollen feet. There's no alternative - we just know going into it that's what's normal, and we deal with it and move on. Well, if we as a society started saying it's NORMAL for newborns to wake up every couple of hours, it's NORMAL for your nipples to be sore at first, it's NORMAL for your milk not to come in for a day or two and babies are made for that, it's NORMAL for your supply to fluctuate, etc. then moms would go into breastfeeding expecting those obstacles, dealing with them, and continuing on. Similarly, we need to say that it's NORMAL for labor to progress slowly and sometimes stall for a little while, it's NORMAL for contractions to hurt and our bodies are made to withstand that pain, it's NORMAL for baby to crown for a long time, it's NORMAL for baby's heart rate to vary some during birth, etc. then women wouldn't buy into their doctors' arguments that it's time for pitocin and forcepts and c-sections.

I just never really considered NOT breastfeeding an option for me, so when I encountered obstacles (and I did), I just sought out solutions and plowed through it. Not because I felt formula feeding was evil (in fact, I chose to start supplementing with formula once my kids reached 7-10 months, because I wanted to cut out one of my pumping sessions at work), but because I just thought breastfeeding was the way to go - my body was created to feed my baby and my baby was created to drink human milk, so I knew we could do it. I remember after my deliveries, Davis said afterwards that he couldn't believe I never screamed - he had witnessed countless "births" in movies and on TV, and every single one of them portrayed the same thing - a mom screaming at the top of her lungs, in sheer panic, with doctors and nurses running around frantically as if baby and mom would die any minute. It's ridiculous. The VAST majority of births are not medical emergencies, nor are they unbearably painful or traumatic - mothers and babies were made for this and we've been doing it since the beginning of humanity. If we started showing THAT side of birth and talking about birth as NORMAL, the same way we talk about pregnancy as being NORMAL, women would stop doubting themselves and just let their bodies do their thing. Honestly, between pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding - I would say pregnancy is the hardest. All the hardships of giving birth and breastfeeding are very transient, whereas the hardships of pregnancy each last at least several weeks. So why are women making it through 40 weeks of the hard stuff, only to believe they can't make it through a 90 second contraction or a few days of sore nipples? Because we have created alternatives and led women to believe that formula feeding and intervention-heavy births are the norm, and breastfeeding and natural birth is for those crazy women who are more brave or more crunchy or more something than they are.

Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful that we have created baby formula and medical delivery interventions - there are babies who are healthier because they had formula available to them when they were orphaned or some medical issue kept them from being able to be breastfed. I'm thankful that I had the option to pump less and give my older infants formula. I'm thankful that when they thought I had vasa previa, I knew we would most likely be okay because I could have a c-section and have access to a fabulous NICU. I don't begrudge moms the choice of giving their baby formula, of getting an epidural or having a c-section. I just wish that moms (especially first time moms) went into the decision with the perspective of knowing that breastfeeding is what's NORMAL and NATURAL and what our bodies and babies were MADE FOR, and that they are perfectly capable of giving birth without drugs and episiotomies. I wish their decisions were made not because of the doubt that we as a culture have created.

I think it's time to start telling our daughters and our new mother friends, and to start showing on TV and in movies, that the NORMAL is breastfeeding and the NORMAL is for mom to deliver baby without interventions. We need to empower women to believe that their bodies were created to do this. If a doctor tells them that their baby is "too big" to be born vaginally, or a friend tells them that they just need to give up breastfeeding because they don't make enough milk, a confident mom should feel empowered to question them. They should know that true cephalopelvic disproportion is very rare and that changes in milk production are normal and low supply can usually be remedied. That is not to say that these are NEVER the case, but that they are so unusual that more than likely they are not the case and should be questioned before alternatives like c-sections and formula are chosen.

Yes, I'm happy that formula exists, I'm happy women can choose epidurals and that c-sections are available and relatively safe now. BUT they are not normal and not natural. That's just a fact.

8 comments:

Photo Alli said...

I am totally with you on this, V! Very well said!

Anonymous said...

Amen! You know I agree with you! :) There's a saying in the doula community... we need to not tell moms that breastfeeding is best, we need to tell that breastfeeding is NORMAL.

Women are much stronger and much more capable in regards to birth and breastfeeding than they believe and what our society has led them to believe.

The best way to combat this is to provide them with POSITIVE role models for birth and nursing, like what you are doing. If all they know are horror stories about pitocin inductions leading to painful c-sections and moms being whisked away screaming in pain the moment their water breaks, they are set up for failure. Mental perception accounts for majority of our pain sensation, stress and frustration.

Brittany said...

I definitely agree with you 100% about breastfeeding! I never thought of it as an option until I was around 7 or 8 months pregnant and people started asking me, "are you going to breastfeed?" I thought, "um, yeah...why wouldn't I?? Isn't that normal?" At first it was hard for us (we had trouble latching for the first couple days and that was emotionally hard), but I have a strong community of women around me that told me all that I was experiencing was normal and soon everything would become a relaxing routine. And they were right. Now I'm weening Nate and it is a little scary because now I won't have an easy food source to give him when he is hungry and we are out and about!
BUT as for the delivery part, I thank God that I had access to epidurals because I probably would never have another child if I hadn't had drugs (my boy's head is huge!). Seriously. Some women are just better with pain because I went into the labor room in the frame of mind that I could do it naturally, everything would be fine and I could handle anything this baby threw at me...but I COULDN'T handle it! Yes, I would have survived with out the epidural BUT I would never ever have another baby! But I DID have the epidural and I WILL have another baby :)

Lynette said...

I agree! Well said...not to mention the bonding. I LOVED the 3:00am feedings with the quiet time and stillness of the night. I got up and sat in a chair and it was so peaceful and comforting. NORMAL!!
I tried the natural birth at home but like Brittany said, my baby's head was huge and I HAD to have a c-section. But I was at home, laboring with a Midwife, 18 hours, before we decided we'd better get medical help. (I was 38 years old).
I would have had 10 more if I could've!!

Sarah said...

Oh Vera-
I LOVE this post! And thinking of you during these last days.

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

I found breastfeeding much easier and more convenient than formula feeding. I only breastfed my oldest son until about 3 months and switched to formula. With our youngest, I was older and understood a bit more about breastfeeding. I was also more relaxed about being a mama! I breastfed James almost a year and it was such a blessing. Much easier for me than dealing with bottles! =)

Christy said...

I've always thought of breastfeeding as the easy way. By nursing and co-sleeping, I managed to not have to get out of my warm bed or wake up, really. When we went out, I only needed diapers and wipes.

Keep on spreading the word that breastfeeding is NORMAL. :)

Kelli said...

I'm so glad I came across your blog!! I'm breastfeeding my 4th (and last unless God has a pretty big miracle up His sleeve- our #3 and 4 were IVF due to my husband having cancer when I was pregnant with #2) and I love, love, love it! Such a precious, precious time and it hurts my heart to think of the women who are missing out on it. I'm a L&D nurse (although it's been a while since I worked) and I completely agree with you about the birth thing to- my first 3 were totally natural, no drugs, sadly #4 crashed during labor and I had a very scary emergency c-section and I'll be the first to tell you there was NOTHING NORMAL about that! Praise the Lord she is just fine but still! Anyway I enjoyed reading about you and your sweet family!

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