Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me Monday, that WEEKLY blog carnival, which I never skip (much like Vegetable of the Week). Head on over to MckMama's to check out what everyone else hasn't been doing!

I did not eat at In N Out Burger in California within two hours of touching down in that state, and then proceed to dream about having it again almost every night. No way, who would want a hamburger when the rest of the trip was spent eating fillet mignon, sushi, and wedding cake?!

While staying in my mother's cabin in the woods in Big Sur, which only has a shower, I did not let my children take 2-3 hot tubs a day and decide that they could therefore skip a bath, giving them real baths only every 2-3 days. Bad mommy!

I did not take almost 400 pictures on our ten day vacation. Craaaazy.

I did not get out of the car to yell at an airport cop. Oh my gosh. No way. No how. Not me!!!!

I did not get to work this morning to find my Outlook inbox and my physical inbox so overwhelmingly BURSTING with mail that I decided to write a Not Me Monday post instead of dealing with it. Surely I'm not silly enough to think that the work will just disappear if I ignore it long enough.

Not Me Monday

Check out MckMama's blog for everyone's Monday confessional. Here's mine...

I did not fret all day yesterday about how I would tell my husband that I was pregnant... I did not finally decide to just leave the digital test (I am smart enough to know that the two lines would have confused him) laying on the bathroom counter, only to have him totally be oblivious to it for a couple of hours. The kids and I did not all try many times to get him to go into the bathroom (Sophia even got him to kill a little bug ON THE SAME COUNTER! without him noticing!) I did not finally lose all patience, and at my friend Karla's suggestion put the test on the computer keyboard, where he would be sure to see it. When he still hadn't said anything an hour later AND the test was missing, we did not have the following conversation...

Me: hey, uh, what'd you do with that pregnancy test?

Him: What pregnancy test?

Me: the one on the keyboard!

Him: Oh, I threw it out. [this says nothing about how many stray pregnancy tests are laying around our house at any given time]

Me: did you look at it?!

Him: [still completely clueless] um, no.

Me: [stunned, speechless] uh.... well.... um.... [under my breath] maybe you should get it...

Him: what did you say?

Me: [completely flustered] I'm PREGNANT!!!!!!

This did not remind me of the time that I planned to suprise this same husband with news of Sophia's pregnancy. The time that he was across town with his brother for the whole day, and I ever so casually said "hey, Honey, want to come home for lunch?" To which he replied "why, are you pregnant?" ruining any chance of me suprising him.

It did not also remind me of the time that I planned to break the news of Amelia's pregnancy to him by putting a Big Sister t-shirt on Sophia. That did not end in this conversation

Me: [many hours after putting the shirt on her] have you noticed Sophia's shirt?

Him: no...

Me: oh, well check it out!

Him: hm, that's cute.

Me: READ IT!!

Him: [staring, confused] why... huh? she's not a big sister...

Me: Uh.... [speechless] well.... she's GOING TO BE!

Him: [staring, confused] Oh!!!!!! Are you PREGNANT?!

Me: YES!

I did not decide in hindsight that I should have just written I'M PREGNANT on a baseball bat and hit him over the head with it. Oh no, there's NO WAY a thought like that would even cross my mind.

Not Me Monday

Wanna know you're not the only one who looks the other way when the dog starts clearing the table for you? Check out MckMama's blog for everyone's Monday confessional. Here's mine...

I did not lose the ability to order Netflix movies because we lost The Bee Movie last year. So Friday night, I did not head to Blockbuster only to find out that in the six years since we rented a movie there, we'd lost our membership (sheesh! it's only been four years!) and I didn't have my driver's license with me to renew it. I did not then end up wandering over to the fabric store next door and make myself feel better by buying fabric I didn't need.

I did not, while swimming with the kids on Saturday look around and make sure I could find at least three women there who weighed more than me. Gosh, that would have been a HORRID thing to do!!

I did not, after lecturing everyone on sunscreen like I always do, manage to get a sunburn on my shoulders Saturday. I did not try to make it look less obvious by applying self-tanner on the rest of my body, which did not just turn me into a giant carrot.

My husband and I did not spend our entire Sunday morning in our pajamas laying in bed, watching The History Channel, snuggling and playing with our kids, and when we had a few minutes alone, making out. And by all morning I mean literally until noon. Nope, I'm sure we got dressed and went to church and took care of our house and our children.

I did not find out that three friends are pregnant and go to an appointment at my OB's only to get a room right next to the ultrasound room, where I could hear actual baby heartbeats and a mom squealing with delight at finding out her first baby is a girl and want to hurl myself out the window. When my doctor came in and started talking about the possibility of early menopause I did not, again, longingly look at the seventh floor window.

I did not skip kickboxing every single day last week for really awesome reasons like "I couldn't get out of bed."

Not Me Monday - Picture Edition

Friends, y'all know ALL about NMM already, so head on over to MckMama's blog and join the fun! Sometimes, a picture really is worth a thousand words, and so I give you Not Me Monday - Picture Edition (because I did not fully intend on actually writing a Not Me Monday post but get overwhelmed with the number of posts that are currently in draft status and decide this would just be so much easier).

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not sleep with a giant mountain of clean, unfolded laundry most of last week. I did not burrow a cozy little tunnel and sleep under the clothes either. I did not in the morning pick up those stray pieces of laundry that had fallen off the mountain onto the floor and toss them back onto the mountain. Oh no, I surely did not.

I did not have to visit a clinic an hour from our town, and then also have an emergency conference call while driving out of town. I was not then so engrossed in speaking with the highest level people at my work that I paid no attention whatsoever to where I was driving and drive forty-five minutes down the wrong interstate, going in the wrong direction.

I did not decide that because I only have a few actual menstrual cycles a year I was entitled to super PMS (SPMS). This SPMS did not mean that when going to pick up a birthday cake for a son's second birthday (because she was at home with him AND five week old twins!) I was so overcome with the smell in the cake shop that I bought a cupcake. I did not proceed to eat the entire cupcake before even starting the car.

The SPMS did not involve me leaving a long screaming tirade of a voicemail for my poor husband concerning lost children's shoes. Nor did it involve eating an entire package of Sour Patch Kids in one night.

When Sophia kept going on and on about how much she liked "those baby twins" and asking me whether maybe we could have our own baby twins, I did not think that it would be downright lovely to have our own baby twins. Have I mentioned that we live in a 1300 square foot house and have no plans of moving?

MY HUSBAND did not stick his hand into a running lawnmower and lose a chunk of his finger Tuesday night. I was not thankful that he did so, after sharing a scary premonition feeling with Sophia all evening and then getting a call from a woman who said "this is the emergency room, and we have your husband..." making me wonder for a terrifying minute whether or not he was alive.

I did not go into my HSG test Thursday completely neutral feeling, wondering whether I even cared about getting pregnant anymore. I did not wonder whether I was just so worn out from caring too much, or whether I had finally, actually managed to let go and let God take care of it.

I did not, the night before my five-day trip to Austin for a conference, put off packing until close to 1 am. I was not completely obsessed with making sure the house was spotless, the freezer was full of meals, and the pantry and bathroom closets were stocked with everything my family could possibly need. Oh and the blog was nice and tidy with a Not Me Monday post scheduled. I did not think that I could probably stay up all night, on account of the fact that I would be getting four full (completely totally 100% uninterrupted!!!!!) nights of sleep while away.

Oh no, NOT ME Monday!

Welcome to Not Me Monday! On the off chance you don't know what it's all about, head on over to MckMama's blog and check out what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. This is us, keepin it real people!

I did not sign up for a boot camp at the gym for which I was only marginally qualified (ten push ups to beat? uh, yeah....) And then when I didn't get a spot, I did not throw a huge whiny hissy fit and get a slot after all. So now I'm not totally obligated to show up and kick butt. Oh no, that would be in.sane. I'm not dreading tomorrow morning at 6:30 am at all.

I did not regret telling my husband the results of his, um, infertility test, which just made him convinced he was the biggest stud of all time. I mean, he is to me, but sheesh why do men have to be so silly about these things? If you see a blue pick up truck with a bumper sticker on it having to do with rapid mobility, that would be my husband.

I did not watch three whole hours of VH1's Best Songs of the 90's while sitting at the hospital with Baby T and then proceed to go home and download pretty much every song onto my iPod. I did not wonder whether me listening to Pearl Jam was equivalent to my father listening to The Everly Brothers when I was a kid. I'm sure my music is really cool.

I did not use spray chalkboard paint to paint a chalkboard onto my pantry door. Because if I had done that, surely my entire kitchen would have been covered in a thin layer of chalkboard and I would have been so sick from the fumes that I would have been throwing up and lightheaded all the next day. Everyone knows you can't use spray paint inside!

I did not lose an entire evening of productivity watching the marathon two hour Real Housewives of New York City Reunion. I certainly did not forgo bathroom breaks or let the telephone ring endlessly because I just could. not. stop. watching that train wreck.

I did not decide to go to Pei Wei with the girls Friday evening, because I was just so tired after a long work week that cooking seemed like an insurmountable task. I also did not decide to go to Pei Wei because the girls were being extra whiny or wild (that would be crazy!) I did not throw some random clothes on the girls and not bother brushing their hair or getting the remnants of their lunch (?) off their faces. I did not leave the house without looking in the mirror because I was afraid of what I might look like. I did not half-heartedly try just to keep my children in my general vicinity while I stood in line ordering. I did not vow never to leave the house that frazzled and frumpy again when the guy in front of me turned out to be someone I used to date, who I haven't seen in twelve years.

Not Me Monday!

We're back with Not Me fun!! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This past week, I did not run out of milk and use my powdered milk for baking to fix Amelia a cup of milk, rather than go to the grocery store. I also did not feed my children ramen noodles today because of the same lack of grocery shopping. And I am not already scheming up crazy pantry dinner ideas to avoid going to the store until after the children are in bed tonight.

I did not totally flunk my poor puppy out of obedience class. I have not completely failed to do our homework, I did not resent that everyone else there has no small children and spends hours a day working with their dogs, and I did not regret choosing an AKC dog training club waaaay across town when all I really wanted was some time alone with Porter to teach him NOT to get up ON the dining room table. I am not completely guilt-ridden for being such a crummy doggy mama.

I did not ever utter the sentence "that was the best pap smear ever!"

I did not attend a four year old's birthday party Friday after work and feel completely exhausted and frumpy while every other mom there (none of whom work) looked all dolled up and peppy. I did not scowl as they talked about how two days of school a week just wasn't enough time to get all their work-outs, pedicures, and errands done. I did not think "at least there's cake" and then almost scream in shock at the fact that not a single other mom ate any, of course making it impossible for ME (the frumpy, non-exercising, horrible working mom) to have some. And I did not think the entire time about how I soooo badly just wanted to go home and put on some pajama pants and bake my own darned cake! Gosh, how rude that would have been, at a kid's party no less.

I did not start one, two, or THREE painting projects around the house and not manage to finish them in over a week. I do not still have half-painted kitchen cabinets, a mostly painted dresser, or a bathroom door needing at least two more coats of paint.

I did not almost kiss the electrician when he not only fixed our power outage but told us that it would be a waste of money to rewire the old-wiring part of our house, and that it was "just fine."

Stellan Monday

I am sure y'all already know this, but in case you don't, a very sweet and dear family needs our prayers tonight: http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ (MckMama is the host of Not Me Monday)

Baby Stellan is having scary heart problems and is in the PICU, and he and his family (especially his mama, who I know is weary) need all of our prayers right now!

Not Me Monday

It's that time again... time for confession MckMama style. Head on over to her blog to check out all the fun!

Luckily, I have nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to confess...

Because I did not give Sophia a bowl of warm vinegar water and a washcloth and "let" her wash the kitchen cabinets and appliances. But if I had, I would totally tell y'all that they are very nice and shiny looking now, and this is an excellent trick.

I did not get completely flabbergasted at my husband for being such a man, when his truck broke down and he spent five (5!) hours on the side of the road pretending to be a mechanic before finally calling roadside assistance.

I did not sneak off to the office (I live half a mile from work) Sunday night after everyone was in bed to "work" and end up just blogging and enjoying complete silence.

I did not read way too many blogs requiring prayers last night, causing me to literally lie awake ALL. NIGHT. LONG. If I had, I'm sure an entire night filled with prayers and reading the Bible would leave me refreshed, so...

I did not require three cups of coffee just to get up the nerve to open my email and check my voicemail at work this morning.

I did not take this funny picture of my darling daughter napping in her Sunday dress with her diaper showing, on a pile of random blankets and an arm over her head like puleeease stop snapping pictures of my poor sleeping self!

Nope, not me!

Not Me Monday

I did not feed my innocent giddy children half a box of Samoas RIGHT BEFORE BEDTIME, just because I just couldn't stand to have them in my house any longer.

I did not do a complete 180 on the issue of co-sleeping and go from selfishly wanting my bed all to myself (and my honey) to cherishing having my whole family of four snuggled up with me in a queen sized bed. Noooo, I'm way too stubborn to change my mind on something that big.

I did not eat hamburgers and onion rings and pizza and gelato and Girl Scout cookies all weekend. Nope, I'm on a diet, remember?

I did not slack on preparing for Sunday School an then totally wing it. So I have no reason to be thankful that three year olds are easy to impress.

I did not suddenly catch an overwhelming desire to over-ponytail my kid from MckMamma and put three ponytails in Amelia's hair.

I did not take pictures of my children sleeping several times this week, and I did not almost wake them up by picking them up and holding them when they were sleeping, and I did not spend hours just sitting there staring at their sweet sleeping faces.

I did not totally lose my cool and use completely inappropriate words in front of my three year old the other day, when Porter got a hold of a poopy diaper and tore it apart in the middle of the living room during the thirty seconds that I walked out of the room to put Amelia down for a nap. I also would never leave a poopy diaper just sitting on the floor like that, even for thirty seconds. And besides, I wouldn't change my poor kid's diaper on the bare hardwood floor.

Want to know what others have not been doing this week? Hop on over to check out all the Not Me Monday Fun on MckMama's blog!

No, Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! I think it's funny that this is probably the only weekly blog fun that I know I can keep up with - because I KNOW I'll always have something to confess :) This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This week...

When I had a dream about being in a coma for a week, I did not wake up and think hmm, that would be nice.

When we were all sick and Sophia peed in my bed at midnight, I did not slap a pull up on her, throw a towel over the spot, think thank goodness for mattress pads, and go back to sleep. I'm sure I cleaned everything up and changed the sheets right then and there...

I did not immediately start shopping for baby clothes and gender neutral crib bedding, before even deciding for certain whether we would become foster parents or not.

I did not spend almost every evening this week in bed watching Lifetime movies. Even when I'm sick, I would never waste precious evenings hours like that when there is housework to be done!

I did not take seven pregnancy tests in a four day period (they were all negative). No, I'm sure I waited until the actual day AF was due and then only took ONE to confirm it was ok to come off the progesterone. Those suckers are expensive, and seven would be totally wasteful!

Nope, not me!

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. ;)

As for me...

I did not offer my two year old a gummy bear to get off my lap so I could finish writing a few emails. I would never use candy to bribe a baby.

I did not just totally blow my grocery store budget on fresh sushi, which I did not eat in the car on the way home like a littly piggy... and even if I had done those things, I would never have burried the evidence at the bottom of the trash can by lifting out some trash bags and placing the sushi container under them.

I did not stay in my pajamas all day Saturday, and leave my kids in pajamas all day Saturday, just because it was cold and rainy.

I so did not throw away a perfectly good sippy cup, just because I was too squeamish to open it up and deal with the rancid milk inside.

I did not have Sun Chips and orange Fanta for dinner last night. That would be gross.

I did not call myself at work while I was off and leave myself a voicemail message full of reminders.... and end it with "okay thanks! bye!"

And I most certainly did not give the puppy Dramamine and a bone and put him in his crate so I could have a couple of puppy-free hours while Davis was out of town last week.

Nope, not me ;)